• How does Moses make tea? Hebrews it.


• Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!


• A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.


• I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.


• Haunted French pancakes give me the crêpes.


• England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.


• I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.


• They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Typo.


• I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.


• Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.


• I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time.


• I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.


• This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.


• When chemists die, they barium.


• I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.


• I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words


• Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.


• I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.


• Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?


• When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.


• Broken pencils are pointless.


• What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.


• I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.


• All the toilets in New York's police stations have been stolen. The police have nothing to go on.\


• I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.


• Velcro - what a rip off!


• Don't worry about old age; it doesn't last.

 

Why did Adele cross the road?




Because she wanted to say HELLO from the other side

 

I 3D!

 

Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the Shell station.

 

Why do the French eat snails?

I crack up at this one every time

 

This young guy was a very happy man. His wonderful girlfriend and he had been dating for over a year, and so the decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering him—it was her beautiful younger sister. His prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was bra-less. She would regularly bend down when she was near him, and he always got more than a nice view. It had to be deliberate. Because she never did it when she was near anyone else. One day the little sister called him and asked him to come over to check the wedding invitations. When he arrived, she was alone and wearing a see through negligee. She whispered to him that she had feelings and desires for him that she couldn’t overcome. She told him that she wanted to make love to him just once before he got married and committed his life to her sister. Well, he was in total shock, and couldn’t say a word. he said, “I’m going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me.” He was stunned and frozen in shock as he watched her go up the stairs. She took her negligee off and threw it at him. It landed on his head. He stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door. He opened the door and headed straight towards his car. Lo and behold, his entire future family was standing outside, all clapping! With tears in his eyes, his father-in-law to be hugged me and said, “We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn’t ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family, son.” Moral of the story: always keep your condoms in your car.

 

 

7/10