What's the difference between a magician and the Rockettes chorus line?








A magician has a cunning array of stunts.

 

What's the difference between a poor marksman and a constipated owl?








A poor marksman shoots but never hits.

 

What's the difference between a feathered-hat maker and a good lay?









A feathered-hat maker is a pheasant plucker

 

What's the difference between a pickpocket and a Peeping Tom?









A pickpocket snatches watches.

 

a perfect fit for this thread

 

My wife was in labor with our first child. Things were going pretty well
when suddenly she began to shout, "Shouldn't! Wouldn't! Couldn't! CAN'T!"
"Doctor, what's wrong with my wife!" I cried. "It's perfectly normal," he
reassured me, "She's just having her contractions."

 

moan.

 

An ugly woman walks into a shop with her two kids. The shopkeeper asks "Are they twins"? The woman says "No, he's 9 and she's 7. "Why? Do you think they look alike?" "No", he replies, "I just can't believe you got laid twice"!

 

Bobby stood over his tee shot on the 450 yard 18th hole for what seemed an eternity. He waggled, looked up, looked down, waggled again, but didn't start his back swing. Finally his exasperated partner asked, "What on earth is taking you so long?!" "My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse balcony," Bobby explained, "I want to make a perfect shot." "Good Lord!," his partner exclaimed. "You don't have a snowball's chance in hell of hitting her from here.