Just finish a couple beers and suddenly got the urge to share story because it seems like my associates just dont understand. Just celebrate my 27th bd last week and things seems to get more complicated when ur older. Im chinese/viet whose lucky enough to be with a caucasian girl since 2005. Im currently living at home with my parents not because i cant afford to live on my own but i just want to take care of them since they're in their early 60. My gf whose been independant since college and got her own nice apartment. She wants to move in together to start a future together.

Now not trying to point fingers at any race but i notice caucasian/latino lifestyle is to raise your kids and send them off to college and your responsiblity as a parent is complete. The kids then go on and move out to start their life. That how every sitcom/tv shows portray the circle of life. I was raise in the US since 5yrs old but tend to value and respect the relationship with my parents very highly. Typical asian cultural teach the kids have a responsiblity to take care of the parents (especially the male) when they step in their elder years, not get away from them.

My circle of friends are majority white (late 20's) and the tend to think im got the homesick disease. I got in a argument with my gf about not wanting to move in together YET, or she can come live with me and my parents. Im currently paying the mortage on the house that my parent buy 10 yrs ago. So moving out and paying for two places is tough. She immediately hated the idea of not having our own place/freedom. She move out long ago so she sees the mailman more often than her own parent. I find it very sad and selfish how someone can live life without a care for others. I dont blame her at all because i realize she not the only person in this soceity who live life this way. The argument between us become heated and our friends start taking side. They all believe that i need to grow up and be committed to my relationship.

HUH? WHAT? i dont think im wrong or crazy, it just different cultural background taught us different lesson. Old ppl will die, so why not spend time with them while they're here and not just the monthly 2hr visit. Just wondering if any folks here are NOT living with their parents and dont feel obligated to take care of them for whatever reason.

ima end my rant here.....please no jokes as I plan to show her the thread since we havent talk much and just want to reach the message out to her

 

dump her and move on, your parents have done more for you than she has, and it sounds like you are p-whipped

 

I am Asian but I grew up in Latino culture. Over there, many people still live with their parents until a more mature age, because not everyone can afford to buy a house for themselves. Seems they get along well, and communal living is not frowned upon, so I am not sure what you're talking about.

Personally I would like to have my parents close by (maybe even as close as next door neighbors), but not in the same house, just so I can have some degree of privacy. I care very much about my parents and would AT LEAST want to give them the option to be near me so I can take care of them if something happened. Nobody in this world has done more for me than they have, and I am truly in debt with them until my last day. Not just financially (which also depends on my own financial status) but also companionship. Really, nothing in the world would compare to the love of a child in the form of spending quality time with them.

The other thing I see as a positive is also that having parents nearby they can help raise the kids as well if both the children's parents are at work during the day. The grandparents would probably be retired, so having them help out raise the grandchildren would be a very satisfying thing for them, let alone better for the children instead of being raised by a stranger.

Personally I don't think I would be able to stand the idea of not seeing my parents at least with some frequency. I know I would do the same for her.

Maybe your GF just doesn't understand because she hasn't been exposed to this culture, so hopefully this thread can help her expand her POV to make a, perhaps better, decision.

 

Not a good solution, just trying to work things out and get her to understand. The difference of what i need to do and what i want to do...

 

manuel, i didnt want to be specific about any race but since latino&caucasian are people i interact with who tend to move out and start a family at early age.

 

It's very simple: white and Asian people have very different cultural mentalities. Explain to your gf to your best ability, and if she still forces you to do something not favorable to your family or parents, then family always comes first.

 

I agree with steponme.
Remember, if it wasn't for your parents, you wouldn't be here.

-soul

 

I think you need to find proper balance.

To be honest, neither your idea of her moving in with your parents, or her idea of you moving in with her sounds like a great idea.

You need to decide what you value more independently from the pressure from your girlfriend.

 

It definitely is a difference in cultures. I can understand that neither option is ideal for both parties, but perhaps moving in with your family is just temporary until you can afford two mortgages. Ultimately, you need to make a decision about it because letting it linger is just a waste of time. If you fail to get her to understand your POV, then it's time to cut ties and move on.

It's always family first.

 

dump the girl. family is more important than a gf.... im korean, but i don't really plan to take care of my parents, but i still live at home even though i could move out. I help pay for things here and there not because they need the money, just simply to show that i am grateful for them taking care of me when i was younger. I paid for my college tuition, car insurance, cell phone bill, etc. I still feel that i should help out and do things for my parents. Lose the girl if shes going to be like that. You'll regret staying with her if you ever do move out and break up with her.