Is this an asian thing?
Registered User
Joined: May 2004
Posts: 153
Likes: 0
From: Portland
I personally think Ted H hit it on the head. You are sooooo lucky to have a white girl cause not many will date asian guys. I never felt like I owe my parents something. It was their choice to bring me into this world. We all at some point have to leave the koo koo nest. But I understand why there is so much pressure to take care of your parents especially in the asian culture. Like many have said I would personally have them close by but not live in the same house. Of course unless both people agree on it. I would never ever would want my kids to "have to" take care of men when I get old. That's why they have "other" options. I don't blame your gf for being mad especially if you are an adult.
Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 4,852
Likes: 0
From: Atlanta, GA
Originally Posted by Ted H,Jan 15 2010, 07:46 AM
Interesting... I guess my thought is, how much do your parents need your help? And in what ways?
To me, 60 isn't really that old. It might sound that way, but it's not. If there are medical/financial problems at play here, then I think that you're doing the right thing staying at home with your parents.
If those problems aren't quite so severe, and you're reasoning is merely "they're in their 60s..." then honestly, move out. I'm not suggesting you move across the country, stay near by if they're important to you--as well they should be. But living independently will show you why it is generally culturally unacceptable for people to continue to live with their parents. It's out of a concern for independent thought, individuality--and frankly, control. There's the general sense in society that, if you're in your mid/late twenties, and still living with your parents, it's either out of failure, laziness, or control (aka you're under theirs). This may not be the case in your situation, but often moving on, and trying living elsewhere might illuminate details about your relationship with your parents.
I think you're trying to do the honorable thing, and I certainly respect that. But ask yourself: how much help do they need? and, perhaps, most importantly: Am I really staying to help them, or am I staying because I'm afraid I'm not ready to go?
One common theme of advice in this thread so far has been: "Don't pick the girl, she could dump you!"
This is anxiety filled advice. Of course that relationship could end; thus is the nature of all relationships. That's a risk you'll have to take if you want to live life. Otherwise, you'll just recede back into your home life.
Note: I obviously do not know you, nor can I completely infer your situation.
To me, 60 isn't really that old. It might sound that way, but it's not. If there are medical/financial problems at play here, then I think that you're doing the right thing staying at home with your parents.
If those problems aren't quite so severe, and you're reasoning is merely "they're in their 60s..." then honestly, move out. I'm not suggesting you move across the country, stay near by if they're important to you--as well they should be. But living independently will show you why it is generally culturally unacceptable for people to continue to live with their parents. It's out of a concern for independent thought, individuality--and frankly, control. There's the general sense in society that, if you're in your mid/late twenties, and still living with your parents, it's either out of failure, laziness, or control (aka you're under theirs). This may not be the case in your situation, but often moving on, and trying living elsewhere might illuminate details about your relationship with your parents.
I think you're trying to do the honorable thing, and I certainly respect that. But ask yourself: how much help do they need? and, perhaps, most importantly: Am I really staying to help them, or am I staying because I'm afraid I'm not ready to go?
One common theme of advice in this thread so far has been: "Don't pick the girl, she could dump you!"
This is anxiety filled advice. Of course that relationship could end; thus is the nature of all relationships. That's a risk you'll have to take if you want to live life. Otherwise, you'll just recede back into your home life.
Note: I obviously do not know you, nor can I completely infer your situation.
Thread
Thread Starter
Forum
Replies
Last Post