I broke up with my gf just because although we are both asians, I am 2nd gen...and shes like 23894082390 generation. The cultural barrier is a really hard one to break.

 

Family first man. I'm Vietnamese and my background culture is just like yours. As far as family goes we tend to live with our family as long as we can before moving out. I have experienced the world by myself for 4 years now without my parents and I miss it. I would rather move back and live with them if I can. It's a totally different mindset between caucasion and Asians. We have different mentality and for your gf to force you to move out and leave your parents like this is a no no. You guys need to meet in the middle. If she loves you she'll respect the decision that you guys will make together. You have to make sacrafices in this world to make things happen right between each other. I am in the deepest debt to my family because they have done so much for me. I can never do enough to repay what they have done for me but my presence is of value to them. For them to see me grow up, be by their side and become the person they have raised me up to be is truly a gift that money cannot buy. It' just an Asian thing and you pretty much have to be one to really understand the true meaning behind it all. Think long and hard before you do something you'll regret because your parents will not be by your side that much longer. Good luck!

 

Interesting... I guess my thought is, how much do your parents need your help? And in what ways?

To me, 60 isn't really that old. It might sound that way, but it's not. If there are medical/financial problems at play here, then I think that you're doing the right thing staying at home with your parents.

If those problems aren't quite so severe, and you're reasoning is merely "they're in their 60s..." then honestly, move out. I'm not suggesting you move across the country, stay near by if they're important to you--as well they should be. But living independently will show you why it is generally culturally unacceptable for people to continue to live with their parents. It's out of a concern for independent thought, individuality--and frankly, control. There's the general sense in society that, if you're in your mid/late twenties, and still living with your parents, it's either out of failure, laziness, or control (aka you're under theirs). This may not be the case in your situation, but often moving on, and trying living elsewhere might illuminate details about your relationship with your parents.

I think you're trying to do the honorable thing, and I certainly respect that. But ask yourself: how much help do they need? and, perhaps, most importantly: Am I really staying to help them, or am I staying because I'm afraid I'm not ready to go?

One common theme of advice in this thread so far has been: "Don't pick the girl, she could dump you!"

This is anxiety filled advice. Of course that relationship could end; thus is the nature of all relationships. That's a risk you'll have to take if you want to live life. Otherwise, you'll just recede back into your home life.

Note: I obviously do not know you, nor can I completely infer your situation.

 

You're "lucky" enough to be with a white girl?

Listen, I know you're not trying to be racist in this thread but I just cant hold by tongue about this one. It seems like you view white women as some sort of trophy or unachievable accomplishment that all Asian men seem to crave (I am also chinese/viet and my 1st GF was white too. We dating for 2 yrs). By doing so, I think this is clouding up your judgment. No matter who the girl is, family comes first. You know this and yet, you're still posting up on S2Ki asking for advice on what to do.

Man up and find a compromise. If she can't respect you enough to let you provide and help your parents, you guys should save the trouble and break it off so you two can find partners with compatible lifestyles and cultures, be it in the same race or not.

 

[QUOTE=curiouz_G,Jan 15 2010, 10:00 AM] You're "lucky" enough to be with a white girl?

 

Life is a balancing act, that's all I'll say. Good luck.

 

You just hit a culture clash. I'm Caucasian married to an Asian woman but our beliefs are more compatible than you and your gf. I took care of my parents when they retired and could no longer pay their mortgage. I did that until the day both of my parents died. Now I help her take care of her mother. It's a sign of respect for everything that your parents have done for you when you couldn't take care of yourself. Unfortunately, most Caucasians hit the age of 18 or so and immediately leave home and start pulling away from their families. Either you compromise or she does and from the sounds of it, it will have to be you who either changes or calls it quits.

 

My parents and in-laws are cool and there's no way in hell i'd live with either of them. I don't blame her.

 

Im barely 18 and I still live here at home with my parents. My parents are cool as hell. I plan on maybe staying here another year or two until I get closer to paying my s2k off. That way when im off on my own, I dont have to worry about another car payment for a while. I see that your paying their mortgage which would be really tough paying for that and also paying for another apartment and utilities. I say spend the time you think you need at home, and if your girlfriend doesnt like it, break it off. Even temporarily could help.

 

It really isn't just about them needing you or because of a sense of obligation. It's also about just generally caring.

I would much rather my parents be happy than me conforming to this "society".