Can you ever trust someone
Thread Starter
Joined: Dec 2007
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From: City of Baked Beans
Can you ever trust someone
Ok so here's the situation...
Recently (2-3 months ago) the fellas and I went out for a night in town. We were all shit face and done. One of my boys met this gorgeous girl and started talking to her. From what he told me, she's very educated and goal oriented...(I think she studying law or something)? So anyway, I'm not sure if it was the alcohol or maybe he was intimidated by this girl, but he bent the truth about his school/career portion of his life. From what he's telling us, (the rest of the fellas), he said he told her that he was going into his 1st yr in med school or something like and went to some college (which he never went to) lol. He's not a bum, however, he's just not established either. He has a good paying job, which I'm not sure but is the reason why he put a hold on finishing college. He's also a good guy. As long as I known him (approx 10yrs), he's been very loyal and a great friend.
So now he's been kicking it with this same girl and they're really feeling each other and looks like the relationship could prosper. I noticed that he's been a lot happier since meeting her and it seems like she's into him. <---(I think they had sex).
It's killing him that he's been riding this false wave, and wants to tell her, but is afraid that she will not trust him anymore or even worst lose her entirely. He called a group meeting with the fellas for sometime this week to discuss this...I'm just not sure what advice to tell him yet. Any advice would be appreciated.
Cliffs:
My boy meets a hottie
My boy lies to hottie about school/career
My boy wants to tell hottie truth (but is unsure about doing it)
What should he do?
Recently (2-3 months ago) the fellas and I went out for a night in town. We were all shit face and done. One of my boys met this gorgeous girl and started talking to her. From what he told me, she's very educated and goal oriented...(I think she studying law or something)? So anyway, I'm not sure if it was the alcohol or maybe he was intimidated by this girl, but he bent the truth about his school/career portion of his life. From what he's telling us, (the rest of the fellas), he said he told her that he was going into his 1st yr in med school or something like and went to some college (which he never went to) lol. He's not a bum, however, he's just not established either. He has a good paying job, which I'm not sure but is the reason why he put a hold on finishing college. He's also a good guy. As long as I known him (approx 10yrs), he's been very loyal and a great friend.
So now he's been kicking it with this same girl and they're really feeling each other and looks like the relationship could prosper. I noticed that he's been a lot happier since meeting her and it seems like she's into him. <---(I think they had sex).
It's killing him that he's been riding this false wave, and wants to tell her, but is afraid that she will not trust him anymore or even worst lose her entirely. He called a group meeting with the fellas for sometime this week to discuss this...I'm just not sure what advice to tell him yet. Any advice would be appreciated.
Cliffs:
My boy meets a hottie
My boy lies to hottie about school/career
My boy wants to tell hottie truth (but is unsure about doing it)
What should he do?
Former Moderator
Joined: Nov 2001
Posts: 59,195
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From: Ventura, California, USA
1. Your boy is a tool bag with no self confidience.
2. Your boy should cut his losses. If I was this girl I'd drop him like a bad habit for lying.
3. He could tell her he loves her and cry and be all sensitive and she'll be, it's fine and all then you swoop in and hit dat!
2. Your boy should cut his losses. If I was this girl I'd drop him like a bad habit for lying.
3. He could tell her he loves her and cry and be all sensitive and she'll be, it's fine and all then you swoop in and hit dat!
Registered User
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 9,409
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From: Calgary
I dunno what to say, that's the reason I never lie about things when I meet new people. I'd be inclined to minimize even the good stuff actually because you get a more accurate read of what the other person actually values. Then, any of the good stuff that comes out later is just gravy to them.
Your buddy needs to fess-up. What's the other option, don't tell her and get married?
Your buddy needs to fess-up. What's the other option, don't tell her and get married?
Joined: Nov 2002
Posts: 45,172
Likes: 4,088
From: Arlington, VA
He has to come clean and suffer the consequences, before someone else blows the whistle. She may dump him - I probably would. Anyone who is so insecure that he lies about himself isn't a bf I'd want to have. If he waits, it's only going to get worse.
Registered User
Joined: May 2008
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From: All up in your inner tubes. Whatcha gonna do sucka?
the only thing worse than giving relationship advice over the internets, is asking for relationship advice over the internets.
he already knows the answer. no need to ask.
he already knows the answer. no need to ask.
Registered User
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 1,522
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GAY. Attempted c0ckbl0ckery in progress, I suspect. LOL!!!! J/K!!!
But seriously, sounds like he lied to get the panties, but that's his problem not yours if it gets more serious.
In terms of trusting those who have lied to us?
Sh*t many trust the government. Scary huh?
But seriously, sounds like he lied to get the panties, but that's his problem not yours if it gets more serious.
In terms of trusting those who have lied to us?
Sh*t many trust the government. Scary huh?
Registered User
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 1,369
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From: Renton, WA
He's either going to have to tell her now, or later. And later is worse. That's not some little white lie that she'll forget about in 2 years. She's going to find out when he suddenly isn't a doctor.
Tell her now. If she stays, lucky him. Otherwise she's gone either way.
Mind you...that's all if he actually loves her. If it's just for sex, then tell him to shut up and PIITB
Tell her now. If she stays, lucky him. Otherwise she's gone either way.
Mind you...that's all if he actually loves her. If it's just for sex, then tell him to shut up and PIITB
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Registered User
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 1,198
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From: Drexel Hill, PA
yeah, you know what he needs to do.
tell him to grow some balls and tell her. if he's at all smooth, he can do it sincerely and tell her he was nervous when he met her, and he didn't mean to lie, but it just happened...i don't know. bs like that.
she might dump him, but he needs to man up to it.
tell him to grow some balls and tell her. if he's at all smooth, he can do it sincerely and tell her he was nervous when he met her, and he didn't mean to lie, but it just happened...i don't know. bs like that.
she might dump him, but he needs to man up to it.
Thread Starter
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 1,247
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From: City of Baked Beans
Oh prob in my younger days I would so swoop in and capitalize on bagging this girl off of his mistake...LOL! But now, I wouldn't jepordize my current relationship for a short term thrill. I been through wayyy too much in my relationship with my girl to get to where we're at right now just to throw it all away. Plus I wouldn't want my soft-top slashed LOL!
I don't think he has low-self esteem. I really think that at first he just wanted to hit it and quit it...but then they started talking and they clicked. So now his hit & quit method backfired on him but he wants to make it right.
I don't think he has low-self esteem. I really think that at first he just wanted to hit it and quit it...but then they started talking and they clicked. So now his hit & quit method backfired on him but he wants to make it right.
