That's because the commitment is broken as soon as someone cheats. Relationships are based on trust... trust completely and thoroughly broken = no more relationship. I don't see divorcing someone who cheated on you as 'bailing' on a commitment. I see that is distancing yourself from what is obviously an unhealthy relationship.

That's just me though. Not my life or my marriage.

 

Simon,

thats tough man, I think about if that would happen to me I would be devastated, can't imagine what it would be like with kids.

I cant say for sure if my wife did that to me, I would make sure her and the low-life scumbag who was with her end up buried in a ditch far far away..........

 

Just because a relationship is unhealthy doesn't mean it can't become healthy again. That said, people (I think) cheat because they are looking for something they aren't getting in their current relationship - sometimes that can be overcome and sometimes it can't. I don't begrudge anyone who leaves a cheater, but I also recognize that it takes an admirable amount of effort to bring a relationship back on track after one partner has cheated. A really tough situation either way.

 

Best advice

I'm glad you have cool head on your shoulders, after 9 nine years, and 2 kids I might have gone berserk. Probably not the best thing in the long run...

 

Genie===>Bottle doesn't work.

 

I've read several cases (in Texas) where the wife or husband walks in on their partner as they are cheating. They end up shooting both parties involved or the outside party, claiming temporary insanity, and getting away with murder.

The trend that seems to work is to dial 911 immediately after the act claiming you could not control yourself.

I don't recommend anyone do this. Just an observation.

 

Exactly. Which is why you must do what is best for you. In turn, this will also be what is best for them. You need to consult with a lawyer. You need to know your legal rights, and what you can do to protect your custody of the children as well as your finances & property.

One of my friends tried to go the "nice guy" route, and it almost cost him his house & custody of his children. Don't be nice. Be smart. Do what is right for yourself and your children. And the best thing for your children is for you to be emotionally & financially stable.

I guarantee that if you don't get a lawyer ASAP, you're going to be on the losing end. Your wife might pretend that she's going to try to make amends and reconcile, but most likely she's just biding her time while she gets her stuff together and consults with her own lawyer to try and strengthen her case so that she can get as much out of the divorce as possible. If you initiate the divorce right now, you've got her infidelity on your side. However, if you try to make amends and go through counseling, but the marriage ends later, then she can say that you weren't doing your part to try and make it work. That will give her more leverage in the divorce proceedings & custody hearings.

I'm sorry about the end of your marriage, man. But you're not the bad guy so you need to protect yourself and do what's right for you & the kids.

 

Nice guys finish last. . . and broke.

I understand you love this woman. However, there is a legally binding contract here, that YOU signed. So did she.

This isn't about revenge, it's about being the real man I know you are, and being the steadfast and level head in all of this. Understanding your legal obligations is an EQUAL part of that to your emotional obligations. You also need to maintain the kind of environment by which your children can make good choices for themselves down the road. . . and that can only happen by being level-headed, and looking out for what emotionally and fiscally is right.

You NEVER need be complicit in your own oppression. Call a lawyer.

 

Listen, I'm pretty sure you're emotionally crushed and drained right now, so you need to think about this carefully but act quickly.

You've already made it clear that she doesn't know what she wants and her actions have made it apparent that she doesn't respect you. She could EASILY empty your bank accounts, take YOUR kids, and leave you tonight without legal repercussion. You need legal consultation.

 

lawyer up asap.

you are in denial right now. you need somebody that can think clearly and represent your best interest.

geebus man, that bitch is riding some other dude and giving him BJs. time to graduate from denial to straight up rage.

after you get a lawyer, call up her place of employment and report the boss to HR.