this is part of the reason i quit drinking:

Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?

 

hahahahaha that made me lol

 

(205): woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
(1-205): yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....

why is that so funny

 

^^

 

Not really a drunken text, but I did have a friend send me an IM one night as to how he was "Wasted as F***"

I've never seen that phrase typed out with so many q's and z's

Needless to say, I kept it up in my profile for a long, long time. He never remembered typing it either.

 

(716): why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
(860): its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
(716): i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal

wtF

 

(314): First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut $$$$$$ isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.

 

It's the rare combination of perfect pathological behavior. . . while drunk.

 

(702): I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless


That's a Vegas zip and that's totally believable.


This site is highly entertaining D....good post.

 

(267): My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer