"Oh, this your wife, huh? A lovely lady. Hey baby, you must've been something before electricity."

Caddyshack

 

"Don't make me bust a cap in your ass, yo! Jedi's the most insulting instalment, because Vader's beautiful, black visage is sullied when he pulls off his mask to reveal a feeble, crusty old white man! They're trying to tell us that deep inside we all want to be white!"

chasing Amy

 

"The last time I was inside a woman was when I visited the Statue of Liberty."


Crimes and Misdemeanors

 

"I sort of feed him some little special tits-bits. Tits. Tid, tid, sorry, tidbits. Anyway, he just... loves his nuts."


Fierce Creatures

 

"The Mississippi River broke through a protective dike today. What is a protective dike? Is it a large woman that says

 

I look out there on all you wonderful guys and I say to myself: 'What I wouldn't give to be 20 years younger... and a woman'. You know, I've personally flown over 194 missions and I was shot down on every one. Come to think of it, I've never landed a plane in my life."

Hot Shots!

 

"Wait a minute. Robin Hood steals money from my pocket, forcing me to hurt the public, and they love him for it? That's it then. Cancel the kitchen scraps for lepers and orphans, no more merciful beheadings, and call off Christmas!"

Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves

 

Arthur: Camelot!
Bedeviere: Camelot!
Lancelot: Camelot!
Page: It's only a prop
All: SHHH!!

Minstrel: When danger reared its ugly head,
He bravely turned his back and fled...
Sir Robin, he ran away...

Peasant: Come see the violence inherent in the system! Help! Help! I'm being repressed!

Lady of the Castle: Welcome, gentle Sir Knight, to the Castle Anthrax! ...The beds here are warm and soft.....and very, *very* big.

Bedeviere: Maybe if we made a giant badger....

---Monty Python and the Quest for the Holy Grail


Ginger: We die free or we die trying.
Babs: Are those the only choices?

Babs: I don't want to be a pie. I don't like gravy!

Ginger: So, laying eggs all your life and then getting stuffed and roasted, that's good enough for you, is it?
Babs: It's a living

Babs: I saw my whole life flash before me eyes! It was really boring.

Fowler: Pushy Americans, always showing up late for every war. Overpaid, oversexed, and over here!

Ginger: I should turn you in right now.
Rocky: You wouldn't... would you?
Ginger: Give me one reason why I shouldn't.
Rocky: Because I'm... cute?

Nick: In the likely event of an emergency, put your heads between your knees and...
Fetcher: Kiss your bum good-bye!

Ginger: Where are you from?
Rocky: Oh, just a little place I like to call the land of the free and the home of the brave...
Mac: Scotland!
Rocky: America.

Nick: Here's a thought. Why don't we get an egg and start our own chicken farm? That way we'd have all the eggs we could eat.
Fetcher: Right. We'll need a chicken, then.
Nick: No... no, we'll need an egg. You have the egg first, that's where you get the chicken from.
Fetcher: No, that's cobblers. If you don't have a chicken, where are you going to get the egg?
Nick: From the chicken that comes from the egg.
Fetcher: Yeah, but you have to have an egg to have a chicken.
Nick: Yeah, but you've got to get the chicken first to get the egg, and then you get the egg... to get the chicken out of...
Fetcher: Hang on, let's go over this again?

Fowler: Cock-a-doodle-doo! What, what.

Nick: We sneak in, real quiet--
Fetcher: Like a fish.
Nick: And we...like a fish?

---Chicken Run (by far one of the funniest movies of all time)

 

"Let's not start sucking each others dicks just yet" Pulp Fiction


Try saying this to someone with a straight face...

"I think you got the wrong impression of me. I think in all fairness, I should explain to you exactly what it is that I do. For instance, I'll get up bright and early tomorrow, walk over the bank and come and see you. And if you don't have my money for me, I'll crack your in head wide open in front of everyone in the bank. And just as I am about to come out of jail... hopefully... you'll be coming out of your coma. And guess what... I'll split your in head open again. Because I am stupid. I don't give a about jail. That's my business. That's what I do. And we all know what you do don't we Charlie... you people out of money and get away with it..... Hey you fat prick you put my in money to sleep I'll put your in brain to sleep." Joe Pesci - Casino. The absolute best line!! Sorry for the language.