I know this isn't Loveline, but I am not feeling that great right now. Sorry that it will be long, also. But, I don't really know what to do. I'm confused.

I have a girlfriend, Tiffany, and we have been going out for a little over 7 months. I'm 22 and she is 25. We both have good jobs and handle our finances. I have had a run of bad luck lately (had to kick out roommate who was good friend and then my S2000 was wrecked and has been in the body shop for over a week). She told me what she wanted for Christmas, a John Grisham novel. I have been keeping my eye out for a good Christmas present like some jewelry or other things that a girl likes, but I couldn't find anything, and then my S2000 was wrecked. So, I wasn't able to get her anything for Christmas. I am out of town right now but will be back Thursday (I called her on the phone today). And she tells me she is thinking about breaking up.

She says its because I have made it clear that I don't have an interest in going to church, among other things. I think I have done other things that have upset her such has comments at the wrong time (I don't have tact). The fact I haven't been able to get her an X-Mas present, although she said we could celebrate this weekend when I get back. Maybe by then I could get her the novel. Its also bad for me because I have to help my new roommate move in.

I think I turned out to be not exactly what she has been looking for, a close second, but not Mr. Right. I have been nice, but I think I sort of lost my sparkle. When we first met I'd take her slow dancing in secluded areas, picnics in the parks and by lakes, walks in the park, and other romantic things. I've only gotten her flowers once, and the only nice thing we do anymore is see musicals and dramas at the local playhouse. Other then that we don't do much together other then cook dinner together and rent a movie a couple of times a week.

I guess I haven't turned out to be her romeo and that my flame has dimmed because I qiut doing as many romantic things as when we first went out. She also talks about how she hates paying rent and wants to get a townhouse, but was bummed when she found out she won't be able to loan much, since she doesn't make as much as I do. I own my own house and have on more then one occaision said she was more then welcome to move in. She would turn me down saying she is not ready for that. We have joked about marriage, saying things like, "Maybe in thirty years", and etc. But have not had a lot of serious discussion because she tells me she is not ready. She really wants to buy her own place, but can't afford it, and I don't understand why, because if were to get married, it would be pointless to have two houses.

She is a true southern lady. Elegant, but set in her ways. I do love her, but I can't go out with her if she doesn't like what I am. She also tells me she loves me everytime we see each other, and I tell her I love her also. I think its a lost cause to try to talk her into staying with me. I think she's ready to let me go since I don't think she's ready for a long-term commitment, and after 7 months you would know if you plan to stay with someone for a long time, or not. I think the best idea for me is to safe face, make the best of what I can, and tell her that she knows how to get ahold of me if she should change her mind, and then turn around and leave. I will be sad, but there is not much I can do.

I'm open for any suggestions. I don't want to loose her because I love her. Its not fun to be single. I'm not that good with women and good ones like Tiffany are hard to find.

 

First of all, she wouldn't want to break up just because you don't go to church with her...that's just ludicrous.
Second, find out what these "other things" are and try to work those out.
Third, you said she's "thinking about breaking up" so have a long talk with her and settle things out.
Fourth, if you really love her, you better make this your only priority, girls DO NOT like to wait.

 

You have made some very good points in your post. If I were you, I would be inclined to send Tiffany an email with a hyperlink to this post. If she reads what you have written, how you have opened your heart to so many anonymous strangers (and friends for that matter), she may just change her mind.
Good luck!
Asif

 

You need to take her away for a couple of days, away from any distractions.
Have some fun together, try to find some common ground and most importantly TALK about what each of you want out of life and from each other.
It would be much better to break up now than in a few years time when you have deeper commitments.
Good luck.

 

[QUOTE]Originally posted by integrate
[B]First of all, she wouldn't want to break up just because you don't go to church with her...that's just ludicrous.

 

Wow, I gotta admit buddy, so certainly are true to yourself. Something that is very hard to do, especially in a situation like this.

The sad thing is it kinda sounds like you're giving up a bit. Like she already broke up with you, it also seems like you have accepted it.

It's really hard to get a feel for the whole thing from your post, and I don't know you, but I will say this. If this is the women you truely want to be with, there will be nothing to stop you from saving this. Hey, even if her mind is made up, don't give in, you may still lose, but it will help in the months afterward knowing that you did everything you could. The less
doubt you have, the less it will hurt...But it still hurt like a bitch

Now, when I said you were true to yourself, I think you need to see outside of those feelings, I'm sure she ain't perfect, no one is, so don't get it into your head that you don't deserve her. Every guy gets into the comfortable rut where you slide on those little things that make women feel special. There will be women that understand this, then others who demand the attention. You can't force the little things. I do those things, like little love notes, flowers, calls to work, leavnig rose petal trails to the bedroom...BUT, I do it because I feel good making her feel special. Otherwise it means very little.


The best course of action is to talk it out, not on the phone, not in a place where you are rushed. Take the time to really get to know what she is thinking, make sure she know's how you feel as well. If it aint meant to be, then sooner is better then later. Sad to say, but later you will look back with a smile and say man I dodged a bullet. If she is the one, do everything in your power to make it last forever..

And always, ALWAYS get her a christmas present..

And I really hate to end the post with this, but.. just maybe its a test? then my friend you have a whole new problem.

Best of luck!!

Mike

 

Mindcore should be a therapist with the advise he gave you.... read his post well....

 

[QUOTE]Originally posted by Sondra S2K
[B]

Don't underestimate how important this is to some people.

 

Mike, Sound's like you have done this before

You guy's definately need to sit down and talk. Everyone here has given great advice, and definately do NOT forget the x-mas present... I did that one year, and I will never hear the end of it.... trust me.


Dale

 

I was actually thinking the same way that Mindcore is. Maybe this really is a test to see if you'll fight for her or not. Go down swinging. If she really is the one, you'll fight for her. I hope it works out for you.