1- The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in college was my blood alcohol content.
2- Marriage changes passion...suddenly you're in bed with a relative.
3- I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with 'Guess' on it. I said "Implants?"
4- I don't do drugs anymore 'cause I find I get the same effect just standing up really fast.
5- Sign In Chinese Pet Store: "Buy one dog, get one flea."
6- Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
7- If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
8- I don't approve of political jokes...I've seen too many of them get elected.
9- The most precious thing we have is life. Yet it has absolutely no trade in value.
10- There are two sides to every divorce: Yours and pea-brain's.
11- I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
12- I married my wife for her looks..... but not the ones she's been giving me lately!
13- Everyday I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive days I've stayed alive.
14- If carrots are so good for the eyes, how come I see so many dead rabbits on the highway?
15- How come we choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?
16- Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see naked?
17- The next time you feel like complaining remember.....Your garbage disposal probably eats better than thirty percent of the people in the world
18- Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise words: "Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been"!

 

[QUOTE]Originally posted by Palmateer
[B]
If carrots are so good for the eyes, how come I see so many dead rabbits on the highway?

 

BTW, i love this stuff. Do you think of it yourself? I am printing this to show my boss.....