YES, talk to a lawyer first. When you confront your wife, she will most likely freak out and panic. She has broken your trust and there is not much to do at this point, my friend. Make copies of everything, but leave everything as is and DO NOT, I repeat DO NOT confront her yet. You said she was out of work, right?? --As bad as it sounds, If she were to divorce you right now, she would get to keep custody of the kid and you will lose bigtime money. You have to protect yourself at this point, Talk to a lawyer to protect your finances, 401K---investments espescially. I really feel bad for you man, but you need to think clearly right now, because the decisions you make now will effect you forever. PLEASE contact a good divorce lawyer and don't talk to anyone about what is going on in case she might find out. I'm not saying try to screw her over, but you need to protect yourself.

- If your wife is doing these things then it is safe to say that she doesnt respect you anymore and is not very interest in you. I would let her go, but prepare yourself for the BS of getting divorced...good luck


--It sounds bad...but situtations like this are what scare me away from getting married in the first place.

 

Damn bro, that sucks. Give me a call when you get back, I PMed you my number. Let's grab dinner or something and talk. There's good advice in this thread (get a lawyer now!), but don't jump for a divorce right away, try to work through it. I know most people would say screw that, she cheated. It can happen sometimes, you might be able to work it out. It's not about having your pride, it's about having a good home for the little one.

 

Yes you should absolutly talk to a lawyer before talking to your wife, to protect yourself.

Now things you need to figure out.

Can you forgive your wife for this? If she comes clean and agrees to stop seeing this guy than can your marriage last?

Will it depend on what she did with this guy. simply talk, or get physical?

Did she fall in love with this guy or simply feel she had some void she needed to fill and with marriage counciling can you two get to an understanding?

Have you decided that you can't take her back knowing what happened?

In any case, talk to a lawyer so incase in the end nothing works out you don't loose your shirt. You are the victim here.

Just because you introduced your wife to this game does not mean it's your fault this happened. This whole new american attitude of it's your fault because you left it out there to happen is so ing stupid. People need to take responsibilty for their own ing actions.

I feel for you brother having to deal with all this during the holidays. Please try your best to keep a level head. I know it's hard, but it will get you through this. Additionally talk to a lawyer, he/she will be paid to keep a level head for you.

Additionally make sure she doesn't find this thread so she can't go on the defensive before you have a chance to make your plans.

Raj

 

you know what, these guys are correct about speaking to a lawyer. I didn't think of that at first.

and if I might ad something (and raj, you might want to facilitate this ASAP)...

remove his picture from this thread.

if word gets back to him... he'll get word to her... and your wife will find out that you know of her infidelity before you have a chance to protect yourself, your assets, and most importantly the emotional well-being of your daughter...

 

Hi John, I wanted to offer my condolences to you for the situation that you find yourself in. Finding out something like this is never easy. A family friend of my parents and a distant aunt on my dad's side both met men online and left their family -- the family friend having a son and two twin girls. Needless to say, they are not the type of quality people you need to have around and need to purge from your life.

I suppose something you have to ask yourself is whether or not you want to completely cut ties (ie divorce) or salvage the relationship?

It just really irks me that some people can be so incredibly selfish. In the case of the woman with the twin girls, I actually teach her kids sunday school and found out that their mother had left them when we were making Mother's Day cards last year and they mentioned that they had no mother.

Needless to say, some people can be the most selfish, inconsiderate individuals on the face of this earth. The trust has been broken and it will be incredibly hard, IMO, to get it back.

 

I feel for you man... I had a somewhat similar experience a few years ago. This girl I was dating and lived with got into counterstrike, she joined a clan and everything. She was so absorbed by this that she literally did nothing other than play CS for 16 hours per day. She would get up at 10am, get online immediately, play until 2am and go to bed. I would go to bed at 11 or midnight and all I would hear is gunfire. The house was a disaster, she'll yell at me when I would get home from a 12 hour work day to clean the house while the bitch did nothing but play games all day long. She has a 2 year old son from a previous marriage and even neglected him. She would put on a Blue's Clues DVD for him to watch on repeat all day and night long while she played. It was a pretty sad situation for myself and the kid.

Eventually we broke up, I moved out back south to Miami and moved on with life.

She met some guy from NJ that was the "leader" of her CS clan. She started flirting with him even when we were supposely "together". Flirting on the game, then emails, then pictures were exchanged, then they started talking on the phone. Like you, I found out about this because my cell phone bill was racked up to $600. Stupid me, I added her to my cell phone account as a second line and got her a phone.

Well last year I found out that she invited this "clan leader" down. I assume that she was telling this guy about me and during this gave him ALL my personal information (social security #, DL #, credit card accounts, back accounts, everything). I even posted about it a year ago: https://www.s2ki.com/forums/index.php?act=S...3&t=157369&st=0 He didn't do anything with this info but did run a credit check on me from a Kia dealership in NJ. I contacted the police and FBI to press charges. I cancelled and changed all my credit cards and bank accounts. I placed my credit file on fraud alert with the three credit bureaus. Now when I apply for credit anywhere, it is automatically denied until a rep calls me to verify my info and that it was me who applied. Do you know whats its like to be denied credit then explaining to someone that they have to call me? Pretty embarrassing.

I really don't have advice to offer, other than I'm so sorry...

 

 

Wow! Im really really sorry for u and ur daughter.

 

You guys may be jumping the gun a bit on getting lawyers involved. If the goal is to repair the marriage, then this isn't the way to do it. If he's already decided to walk out, then yes, go get a lawyer.

From what I've read, it's not totally clear she slept with the guy. She's absolutely violated her husband's trust, but maybe she didn't take the final step, so to speak. Since there's a small child involved, it could be a case where he wants to try to work things out.

Aside from joint bank/brokerage accounts, there's really nothing she can immediately access. If there's concern she will empty accounts if confronted, then move the money (if you can) and revoke any powers of attorney that have been granted to her. She shouldn't be able to access his IRA or 401K plans--the regs governing these kinds of accounts would make it almost impossible for her to do anything. Ultimately, the Court will divide assets and determine custody.

Yogi--My heart goes out to you and your little girl.

 

She doesn't need to know about the lawyer. Trust me having the lawyer in case something goes wrong will help in the long run.