[QUOTE=FjS2000,Nov 29 2004, 07:40 AM] And let me tell you how that story goes ... unless you can COMPLETELY allow yourself to trust her again, the story goes like this.....

 

I see a lot of posts about protecting his financial interests and finding a new woman who won't "cheat"... two thoughts first came to mind:

1) It's quite possible that this was an innocent encounter, even with all the flirtatious behavior. By his own admission, YogiCA works a lot of hours and she may have simply wanted some attention and companionship - seems as though everyone is rushing to the conclusion that she ed him on the dinner table or something. I have personally been in this guys shoes twice before - traveling to meet someone (married/engaged) after engaging in some mutual flirting, having dinner, talking, and going home.

2) Some of you guys have really ed up priorities. There's a kid involved! I'm sorry, but your child should rank much higher on your list of priorities than your 401K. A 401K can be rebuilt; separating a child's parents can never be fully undone.

Personally, I think hiring a divorce lawyer before even talking to the spouse shows that one has no intention of trying to resolve things.

 

[QUOTE=WestSideBilly,Nov 29 2004, 11:23 AM]

I see a lot of posts about protecting his financial interests and finding a new woman who won't "cheat"...

 

^^ Well, that seems unduly harsh and personal, tritium. WB was just putting some alternate view points out there. I happen to agree that the fact there's a very young child involved merits some consideration. However, I also agree with you that if you have to lie about the relationship, then something's wrong.

IMO, this is different than the cheating gf stories some people have mentioned. Yogi and his wife have a whole other person they're responsible for. It's a crime that this child's mother didn't have her best interest at heart when she decided to carry on with some bloke she met online.

 

Jeezus, now I remember why I stopped posting in OT. Are you a total asshole in real life too?

Anyway, my point was that it may not be what it appears - it may have been innocent. On the basis of a few admittedly over the top messages and emails, the consensus was "hire a lawyer and divorce the lying cheating bitch!" Last I checked, communication was a bit more important for making a marriage work than having a good lawyer 'just in case'. Yogi didn't find condom wrappers all over, she's not pregnant with this guy's baby, etc. I'd hate to see him (Yogi) throw away his marriage to a woman he loves/loved and hurt himself and his child's future based on the advice of total strangers who know a fraction of the story; so I offered a counterpoint.

As for me... In both my cases, I'd have no problems telling the SO exactly what happened, because it was trite and purely platonic and just two people who shared something and cared for each other to some degree and wanted to meet face to face. Flirting isn't ing, and I do it (in the form of compliments usually) every chance I get - most people like positive attention. And admit it, when your SO is working 80 or 90 hours a week, you're probably not getting all the attention you desire. Also, I don't use the L word like some people do, but I know a lot of people who use it in nearly every meaningful relationship, so seeing "I love you" in an e-mail would be a yellow flag to me, something to bring up face to face, not a trigger to call a divorce lawyer. That's just me though.

 

sorry to hear that man.. but to be quite honest.. you really need to sit down with her and confront her calmly and maturely.. a very close friend of mine who got married last year ran into this same problem before they even hit their one year mark.. a few months ago he called me to confide in me.. because he had no one else to talk to.. it was a difficult position for me to be in as i was also her bridesmaid in their wedding.

a month later he called to tell me that the confrontation went well and the only reason things were escalating and his relationship with her was getting worse was because she was hiding so many secrets and didnt know what to do. when she found out that he knew, they were able to sit down together and resolve everything.. so don't jump to the legalities just yet.. and best of luck.

 

Everything can be rationalized and excuses come in many shapes in sizes. The point is...she broke your confidence. I hear alot of "she didnt cheat on you", I hate to break it to you but she did. There are various forms of cheating, physical being the main one. Not only that, she has totally lost respect for you. Think about it, she didnt try to hide her ridiculous cell phone bill, she took the risk of having him over to YOUR house. Just realize that this was her way of letting you know that she has little or no interest in you. I'm sorry you are going through this, but she chose this--not you.

 

YIKES!! It saddens me to hear all these bad relationships happening.....what has the world come to now a days... Sorry Mr. Yogi, hopefully it works out. Just keep a level head and remember you have a little daughter. Much respect goes out to you for not getting physical with her.

-Alan

 

[QUOTE=jmc1971,Nov 29 2004, 02:46 PM] ^^ Well, that seems unduly harsh and personal, tritium.

 

You're certainly right; I'm a complete tool and no woman would want to associate with me, and no man could ever associate with a woman without wanting to her. Just because you and your friends think solely with your penis doesn't mean all men do; I can discern between friends and more-than-friends, and any woman who is married/engaged/seriously dating someone is strictly "friends" in my book. People have many needs, and friendship/companionship with like minded individuals is one of them. Yogi's wife in this case is playing in a "man's world" and is more likely to encounter like minded men than like minded women. It would have been best had she not taken things as far as she did, but this friend filled some need/want in her life.

If you want to talk respect, yes, Yogi's wife showed a fundamental lack of respect for their relationship by inviting the man to their home on possibly suspect premises. But in the many ways Yogi showed a fundamental lack of respect for their relationship by prying into her emails and game account looking for "proof" that she was cheating without even mentioning the cell phone bill. It goes both ways. Is what he did as bad? No, not at all, but relationships are inherently built on trust and open communcation and it seems like there's very little of either at this juncture.

Anyway... Yogi should be back in a few days and I sincerely hope he can resolve this bump in the road in his relationship with his wife. If she did indeed cheat with her gaming friend, I hope they can work things out for the benefit of their child.