OMG I HATE PEOPLE LIKE YOU... lol

Seriously I hate touching a wet doorknob/handle

 

Okay, now that that's out of the way...

I was coming home from a nice dinner with my wife this evening. I had some really spicy nachos as an appetizer, and some fancy pizza thing she picked out. Anyway, about 5 minutes into the 20 minute drive home the unmistakeable urge to blast came on. And oh boy did it come on like a ton of bricks. It was the type of urge that results in an instant panic response if it happens any farther than 2 steps from a porcelain god.

In full panic I seriously considered in my mind, "how bad would it be if I just shit right here in my pants? Would she notice?" The humor inherent in this ludicrous thought almost made it a reality, so without delay I implored my unsuspecting wife to drive faster. Naturally, she wouldn't without a valid reason, so I was forced to inform her of the consequences of non-compliance. I've never seen her drive so fast!

Thankfully we didn't get pulled over and I was able to survive the numerous bumps in the road and further turd-infested hallucinations long enough to make it home to my own sweet throne. Score one for the ol' sphincter.

 

monkeymoker...I'm almost afraid to say, I know EXACTLY the feeling you are speaking of. Sometimes, I'll be shopping or whatever, and after a good lunch, feel that "need" to take a dump, you know, the normal, run of the mill, dump...


AND THEN...there are "those" times when its as if some curse or omen, so rebel force that is not of this earth, has possessed your bowels, everthing north of the sphincter. Its as if, the pope himself was try to exorcise demons out of your ass. The PANIC and FEAR that you feel at that point is unparalleled because the force is out of your control.

Oftentimes, when I think of this feeling, and just wonder about it, the fear is compounded by the thought of, "gee, wouldn't it really suck if one of those attacks came on while I was stuck in the subway, during rush hour, and the train broke down? Or, if I was in the middle of a wedding ceremony and I was in the actual wedding party? Or, if...you get the picture.




With that being said, how many of you take "mid-meal-dumps" if you're at a really good buffet?

 

LMAO! The last two posts are too funny.

 

[QUOTE]Originally posted by redleader
[B]...gee, wouldn't it really suck if one of those attacks came on while I was stuck in the subway, during rush hour, and the train broke down?

 

nothing feels better nor is more satisfying than the "release" phase.

 

Unlike you guys, my poop don't stink.

 

[QUOTE]Originally posted by amartin
[B]Call me "Anal", but I HATE to poop at work.

 

maybe one day, people will be able to release small plastic-like pellets instead of actually sh_tting... anyone remember Robocop?

 

I'm surprised nobody has mentioned the need some people have for "ass-gaskets," the thin paper designed to protect your backside from the evils of the public toilet. I read that 60% of those using public facilities without such protection will "hover," rather than sit, on the seat. (one of those polls you never heard about)

If you want to sweat about filth, think about where the money in your pocket has been. Unless you are a compulsive hand-washer, you're exposing yourself to stuff that makes the toilet seat seem sterile!