thanks for the words of advice guys, it helps, it really does. i guess it will just take 100% commitment from myself to make sure i improve in my actions.

GroovyNeilNeil, i'd rather not think of it that way. i know everybody is different but neither one of us is the type to stay with someone unless there was a real future.

 

+1

If she cheats, you'll find out. If she doesn't, it's all good. Throw in the trust and ride it out.

 

I was in a very similar situation years back, and it did end up costing me the relationship. I don't think my feelings were entirely unwarranted because I found out she started seeing some guy i suspected not long after.

But here's the thing, did I push her there? or did she know it was going to happen? It bothered me at the time, but regardless of the answer, we've already broken up. Time to move on.

If you love her, do what you can NOW to show her you trust her. Like the above poster said, trust her until you have a reason not to.

 

Your screwed.... and this relationships is doomed IMO. Until you grow up and quit being showing her you so insecure... you'll never keep a woman. Sounds like a lot of begging to me and a big turn off to her. Let her go.... get some experience and then find another woman when YOUR ready.

JMO

 

And the new job at the gym was clue enough for me because that tells me that she has met a new man. To further support this, the bickering has now started at this point... and your best defense now is to play iceman, just dont give a crap all in all. There is no winning an argument with a woman, as chris rock said, we have a handi cap and thats to make sense!

Dont acknowldge the arguments, mean what you say and say what you mean, act like you could care less if she walks out or not. Only when yo truly believe this yourself, will she then be eating out of the palm of your hand.

But, I have seen this 100,000,000 times with the many many other men who seek my help to attempt to save a burnt down relationship. The only true problem there is committed men, a majority, forget how to be men. Women dont want a second little bitch around to whine and argue with them... not to sound brutal but youre a S2K brother so I tell ya like I would my own brother.

But good luck man, I hope you meet a good one.

Oh ya, www.blowmeuptom.com

 

[QUOTE=Kyushin,Mar 16 2008, 02:23 AM]

 

Hey Andy,

I've been in your shoes with this girl I used to date in my first year of college. She was my first real relationship and first love and I had the same exact insecurity issues you have. I would see how things go but be expect to be disappointed. I'm not being pessimist. I'm being a realist for most first loves do not work out in real life; only in those sappy chick flicks your girlfriends drag you to see. I understand that you think she's the greatest and think she's different, but love can cloud your judgement and has for me quite a number of times.

I'm not saying that this relationship will undboubtedly fail, but there are several indicators that would lead me (and some of the previous posters) to believe that it will likely fail. At her age, she likely doesn't know what she wants yet (which is normal). Also, it shouldn't drive her crazy when you ask who she is texting. My last gf used to ask me quite a number of times who I was texting and I told her without getting snippy, because I had nothing to hide.

Oh, and Daniel L, if she cheats, he may not find out. Girls are more sneaky than guys when it comes to that department.

First love breakups are always the hardest. Mine wasn't because I went to another school my next year and we drifted apart. My second love on the other hand... I took that very hard and I was your age back then (21).

Again, I don't mean to let you down. I might be all wrong about this girl but take it from someone who is older, has much more experience in this area who has been through and seen via his friends.

 

Andy,
I was in the same situation back in high school. We took a break over the summer and she came back to me. But it was never the same. If you can avoid a break as it never seems to be the same later.

 

you really need to have a heart-to-heart with her. that's the only way you'll be able to convince her you really want to change. and you need to really be commited--correct yourself when it happens and apologize on the spot.

keep in mind though (prepare for the worst) as i dont know the details, she could be talking to guys she finds intriguing, though it's probably innocent at this point. ('friends')

i realize i sound like i'm playing the devil's advocate, but with my first love, i went all in but didn't quit thinking through it. when it was lost, i saw the signs all along, but i chose to ignore them and put all in. i am very glad i did it that way. if you ignore truth you will become a fool, but if you act on 'evidence', you are a fool in another way. faith and trust don't mean you can't think, they mean you can't judge. that's essential.

and if she responds very negatively and will not hear you, she may just want to try dating other people, despite the fact that she loves you now. she may love you but still want something else. at 18-19, it's pretty common. but give it 100% and make sure you aren't the problem, first. sounds like you really care about her.


and last of all, the girl i was referring to is not the girl i married. she's a wonderful girl and i did love her, but in retrospect, she would have been a poor wife for me. my wife makes me a better man and helps diminish my faults and emphasize my virtues, and i do the same for her, just by being who we are. the girl earlier was one i enjoyed and cared deeply for, but she would have been a miserable wife to me because we shared many of the same strengths, and many of the same faults. we weren't better together. i hope your current girl makes you a better man, as that is an element that contributes to making you a truly great couple and family down the road.

 

She's not the type "now" - but one thing you will learn is that they can change over night and leave you and never look back. It's happened before, it'll happen again, don't let it happen to you.