How old are you and how old is he? Sounds like maybe you guys need a clean break. You love him obviously because you worry about what will happen to him if you break up.

Still if you are asking these questions it sounds like you need to move on.

 

Why not have a discussion and learn something together?

Scuba?
Autocross?
Parasailing?
Cooking?
Art?

Having / developing a hobby together can be very rewarding. You can't expect the other person to be "fully formed." If you tell them it's important to you and they resist, then move on. But give him a chance, first.

 

Wait a minute, is the OP a guy or girl (or even gay)? What is with all this "love him", "give him a chance" stuff?

 

Op is a guy. I would say, introduce her to new things. traveling, will usually do it.

 

Why does it matter?

 

OP I say try to learn things together or pickup a hobby as a couple. If that doesnt work then its time to move on.

 

I suggest it's your only effective option. The problem isn't that she doesn't want to do anything, the problem is she doesn't feel she has the right or opportunity to do anything just for her enjoyment.

A good councilor will help you two communicate which you can't do on your own because you are part of the problem. You can say things that she is going to interpret in the context of her twisted sense of relationship, learn from her parents. You need a third party who is outside of the relationship to say it so that she hears what you mean.

Finding a good therapist is hard. You many need to try a few different ones before you find one you both click with. Once you do you'll see significant change in yourself, her and your relationship in a matter of a dozen appointments or so. Be patient. It's not always a straight line to where you want to go but if you commit to the process it will change your life dramatically.

I just wouldn't get married until you get all of the baggage unloaded from the past. I'd recommend at least a year of therapy for an couple planning to get married/have kids.

 

Finding a new passion together is a great testbed for openness and willingness to share more than bars and sex.
Counseling is a great tool, but going for the shared new interest is a great self diagnosic.

 

My wife and I don't have a majority of interests in common.

Her interests are fashion magazines, shoes, shopping, watching TV shows about fashion etc.

I like anything adventurous and having to do with the outdoors. She hates such things.

What we have done since we met is find things in common that we did not know existed. And my other approach is to juust force her to try some things (no PIIHB jokes please ) only to find she generally likes them.

I don't expect her to want to waterski, or play Xbox, or care about cars. She doesn't and never will.

But she comes for a walk with me every night when we take the dog and it opens up lots of avenues for conversation. We see lots of movies together and try to find things on TV we both enjoy. She could not cook at all until I just started making her help me cook things for dinner and all of a sudden she likes it and is interested in it and even has a few specialties.

We both enjoy travel. She likes pampering spa type vacations and I like adventure. I force her to go on a hike to a scenic spot even though it does not look like fun to her and what do you know, she enjoyed it.

I guess the point I am trying to make is that someone who does not have many interests has not been exposed to very many things. They are like the little kid who won't try any food because they assume it is icky. If you like the girl, make and attempt to introduce her to all the things you like and share with her what you like about them and you will find she will like some of them too.

But if I want to go to the Boundary Waters in a kayak, go downhill skiing, drive around a racetrack, play paintball or COD all night, thats what guy friends are for.

I would also ask how old this chick is. If you are past say 25 and all the girl wants to do is go to bars then move the heck on. I have about 5 or 6 girl friends who were just partiers. They are in their late 30's and all they ever enjoy is drinking. When they travel, its to sit by the pool getting drunk rather than seeing and doing. The just can't wait to get to the weekend and drink with friends or go to happy hour. About five out of the six have told me they are tired of their husbands because they are "boring" and have cheated. These girls are called floozies. Floozies are fun until you are about 25, or if you have recently been dumped, otherwise floozies are dead weight. If you are in your thirties and not single and all you can think about is partying than you are about as deep as a thin crust pizza. Adults can whoop it up once in a while with friends a few times a year, but there is a certain age where you move on and find other interests besides a case of Bush light.

One way to be certain if this is the type of girl who when you are out at a bar is an attention whore? She NEEDS to have attention of other guys and flirt even if you are there? If so, NOTHING BUT TROUBLE. Chicks like this go through a bad phase in there thirties/forties where stuff starts to sag and they don't get the attention they need anymore. The get desperate to be the center of attention and just put out and screw up whatever relationship they are in. I have a ton of female friends and consider myself an expert. There are a couple types of female personalities, good ones and headcases. There are a million different signs of headcases, party girl attention whore is a giant red flag.

 

[QUOTE=The Gasman,Jun 20 2010, 07:37 PM] How old are you and how old is he?