So if you're content with 90%
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Originally Posted by NFRs2000NYC,Jun 22 2010, 06:22 AM
Get her into something you like. Travel a lot. No one is passion-LESS about everything. Either you, or she, or BOTH just don't know what it is.
Not gonna lie, especially if you have kids, pretty stupid reason to "move on" if that's your only complaint.
If she is a good wife, good mother, and a good friend, what else do you want? Would you prefer an import tuner skank that loves s2000s and loves choking on 9"?
Oh, and unlike most other people, I am very against therapy. It's a sappy way out. Two adults should be able to resolve their differences. They dont need some asshat telling them (while charging $400 an hour) about personal sh!t. Hell, does that even make sense? Personal problems handled by someone else?
Be a big boy, and work it out. Tell her it's a problem and an issue for you. Tell her that everything else is great, but you feel like she should get passionate about something (although it sounds like you just want her to like what you like.)
Not gonna lie, especially if you have kids, pretty stupid reason to "move on" if that's your only complaint.
If she is a good wife, good mother, and a good friend, what else do you want? Would you prefer an import tuner skank that loves s2000s and loves choking on 9"?
Oh, and unlike most other people, I am very against therapy. It's a sappy way out. Two adults should be able to resolve their differences. They dont need some asshat telling them (while charging $400 an hour) about personal sh!t. Hell, does that even make sense? Personal problems handled by someone else?
Be a big boy, and work it out. Tell her it's a problem and an issue for you. Tell her that everything else is great, but you feel like she should get passionate about something (although it sounds like you just want her to like what you like.)
Walk it off
Those who need therapy the most are those who think they need it the least. That's a shame.
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From: Toronto, Canada
Originally Posted by MikeyCB,Jun 21 2010, 06:19 PM
I'm going to say some cheesy things here. To be in a rewarding relationship, there are 3 things that are very important, aside from the traditional communication, respect, blah blah blah.
My advice would be to speak with your partner, recognizing that they'll probably get slightly offended or sad when you suggest that everything isn't great.
I think you need all of the following:
1) There must be some characteristics in the other person that you admire. You must see certain traits in your partner that you value, and maybe even wish you had, yourself. I think they must have qualities you don't find yourself recognizing as strongly in other people.
2) You must appreciate the other persons actions. It's key that you recognize their efforts to make you happy. This could be doing things for you, complimenting you, sending you messages or leaving you notes, etc. These must be recognized and appreciated as indicators that the person cares for you and your feelings.
3) You must share....SOMETHING. You don't have to have the same hobbies, necessarily, you don't even have to like the same type of movies. You must have some semi-sustainable activity meeting-ground where you can come together. This/these activity/activities can and likely will change over time, but you've both got to recognize that you need to ensure you always have at least 1 or 2 things that you enjoy doing together (outside of drinking and sex).
That's my thought on this whole deal. If after you talk to your partner you don't feel your relationship features the three items listed above, I don't think you'll last.
My advice would be to speak with your partner, recognizing that they'll probably get slightly offended or sad when you suggest that everything isn't great.
I think you need all of the following:
1) There must be some characteristics in the other person that you admire. You must see certain traits in your partner that you value, and maybe even wish you had, yourself. I think they must have qualities you don't find yourself recognizing as strongly in other people.
2) You must appreciate the other persons actions. It's key that you recognize their efforts to make you happy. This could be doing things for you, complimenting you, sending you messages or leaving you notes, etc. These must be recognized and appreciated as indicators that the person cares for you and your feelings.
3) You must share....SOMETHING. You don't have to have the same hobbies, necessarily, you don't even have to like the same type of movies. You must have some semi-sustainable activity meeting-ground where you can come together. This/these activity/activities can and likely will change over time, but you've both got to recognize that you need to ensure you always have at least 1 or 2 things that you enjoy doing together (outside of drinking and sex).
That's my thought on this whole deal. If after you talk to your partner you don't feel your relationship features the three items listed above, I don't think you'll last.
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Originally Posted by cthree,Jun 22 2010, 02:58 PM
And you know this from your vast experience with long term relationships?
My relationships make it to around 2.5 years and then explode like a kitten in a microwave.
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From: Arlington Heights, IL
Every dude I know has something they're REALLY into. Cars, golf, sports, running, whatever. Every chick I know, including my wife, has really nebulous hobbies like "shopping" or "decorating." (My wife decorates once in a while, but shopping to me isn't any more of a hobby than, say, "Eating." She also claims to "scrapbook" but in 2.5 years of marriage and about 4 years of prior relationship, I've never seen a friggin' scrapbook.) Anyways, maybe this applies to gay dudes too? I dunno.
At any rate, I've never really understood how one can not have a hobby; me, I've got more hobbies than I've got time. I haven't touched my mountain bike in years, don't play near enough golf, and need to buy a new sailboat. But apparently it works for many women, (and some gay dudes?) I try to include my wife as much as she's interested; when I golf solo sometimes she'll ride along in the cart, and she likes the odd top-down ride in the S. But other times I do what I need/want to do, and she'll do her own thing. It's important to share some things, but it's also important to not have to share everything. If dude just wants to stay home and watch TV or surf the net or whatever while you're out having fun, who's to say his "hobby" is less legitimate than yours?
At any rate, I've never really understood how one can not have a hobby; me, I've got more hobbies than I've got time. I haven't touched my mountain bike in years, don't play near enough golf, and need to buy a new sailboat. But apparently it works for many women, (and some gay dudes?) I try to include my wife as much as she's interested; when I golf solo sometimes she'll ride along in the cart, and she likes the odd top-down ride in the S. But other times I do what I need/want to do, and she'll do her own thing. It's important to share some things, but it's also important to not have to share everything. If dude just wants to stay home and watch TV or surf the net or whatever while you're out having fun, who's to say his "hobby" is less legitimate than yours?
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Originally Posted by NFRs2000NYC,Jun 22 2010, 02:22 AM
Get her into something you like. Travel a lot. No one is passion-LESS about everything. Either you, or she, or BOTH just don't know what it is.
Not gonna lie, especially if you have kids, pretty stupid reason to "move on" if that's your only complaint.
If she is a good wife, good mother, and a good friend, what else do you want? Would you prefer an import tuner skank that loves s2000s and loves choking on 9"?
Oh, and unlike most other people, I am very against therapy. It's a sappy way out. Two adults should be able to resolve their differences. They dont need some asshat telling them (while charging $400 an hour) about personal sh!t. Hell, does that even make sense? Personal problems handled by someone else?
Be a big boy, and work it out. Tell her it's a problem and an issue for you. Tell her that everything else is great, but you feel like she should get passionate about something (although it sounds like you just want her to like what you like.)
Not gonna lie, especially if you have kids, pretty stupid reason to "move on" if that's your only complaint.
If she is a good wife, good mother, and a good friend, what else do you want? Would you prefer an import tuner skank that loves s2000s and loves choking on 9"?
Oh, and unlike most other people, I am very against therapy. It's a sappy way out. Two adults should be able to resolve their differences. They dont need some asshat telling them (while charging $400 an hour) about personal sh!t. Hell, does that even make sense? Personal problems handled by someone else?
Be a big boy, and work it out. Tell her it's a problem and an issue for you. Tell her that everything else is great, but you feel like she should get passionate about something (although it sounds like you just want her to like what you like.)
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From: Toronto, Canada
Originally Posted by Chris Stack,Jun 22 2010, 11:29 PM
If dude just wants to stay home and watch TV or surf the net or whatever while you're out having fun, who's to say his "hobby" is less legitimate than yours?
A good couples therapist should be able to blow your mind within a few sessions if you're willing to suspend you own certainty that things as you see them are real. They may be quite warped even if we see them as true and absolute.
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From: Cincinnati, OH
Originally Posted by cthree,Jun 23 2010, 12:58 AM
You raise an interesting point and again this is where having an objective 3rd party who can help you see through your own preconceptions is the only way past it. We see things through our own eyes and sometimes we only recognize what we think is important or valid as being so and we discount everything else. It's quite possible that the partner has hobbies and interests and the op doesn't see them as such because his own ideas of what constitutes a hobby or passion prevent him from seeing the other.
A good couples therapist should be able to blow your mind within a few sessions if you're willing to suspend you own certainty that things as you see them are real. They may be quite warped even if we see them as true and absolute.
A good couples therapist should be able to blow your mind within a few sessions if you're willing to suspend you own certainty that things as you see them are real. They may be quite warped even if we see them as true and absolute.
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