HOW TO LOSE WEIGHT

A fellow was ordered by his doctor to lose 75 lb. due to very serious health risks. As he wondered how in the heck he would ever do it, he ran across an ad in the newspaper for a GUARANTEED WEIGHT LOSS PROGRAM.
"Guaranteed. Yeah right!" he thought to himself. But desperate, he calls them up and subscribes to the 3-day/10 pound weight loss program.

The next day there's a knock at his door, and when he answers, there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign round her neck. She introduces herself as a representative of the weight Loss Company. The sign reads, "If you can catch me, you can have me." Without a second thought he takes off after her. A few miles later, huffing and puffing, he finally catches her and has his way with her.

After they are through and she leaves, he thinks to himself, "I like the way this company does business!" The same girl shows up for the next two days and the same thing happens.

On the fourth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 10 lb. as promised. He calls the company and orders their 5-day 20-pound program.

The next day there

 

A blonde and her brunette friend are walking down the street and pass a flower shop, where the brunette happens to see her boyfriend buying flowers. She sighs and says, "Oh, crap, my boyfriend is buying me flowers again."
The blonde looks quizzically at her and says, "What's the big deal, don't you like getting flowers?"
The brunette says, "Oh, sure, I like flowers, but he always has expectations after getting them for me, and I just don't feel like spending the weekend on my back with my legs in the air."
The blonde's forehead wrinkles up as she ponders her friend's words. A minute or so later, the blonde asks, "Don't you have a vase to put them in?"
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Q: What is the definition of Blood, Sweat and Tears?
A: A blonde standing in front of a tampon machine with a bent quarter!
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