Time to do a little explaining
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Banned
Joined: Oct 2001
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From: Calgary
Okay...
Well, with my response to Asif's thread, I guess I have broken my hiatus. So now I wish to explain myself and why I did what I did.
In the few days before I went to Edmonton, I was having relationship difficulties because my (then) current girlfriend and a girlfriend from my past shared some history and that history was interfering with my current relationship, to the point of my (then) current g/f and ex-g/f coming to blows. So my then current g/f asked me who I truly did love and I couldn't answer that because, honestly, I loved them both. I told her that "I don't know" when I should have said "Both", and with a solid slap across my face, my (then) current-g/f walked out of my life. Yes, I do understand that I am young and that these things will happen, it's part of growing up. While I was, and still am, hurting because of that, it's not the only reason I needed to do some soul searching. It was, however, the reason that I had been acting kind of out of it at the Friday meet, as there were relationship problems before the split. But the other reason is much harder.
A friend of mine from Junior High had moved over to Britain not long ago (less than two years). I have been keeping in close contact with her and was planning on paying her a visit next summer. Then, on Monday the 8th, her mother called me with some of the hardest news I have ever had to take in my life. My friend had died pursuant to injuries sustained from getting T-boned in her car. The family had requested that it stay out of the news (they are a very closed, tight family) but the mother had felt that I had the right to know as soon as possible. THAT is the main reason that I was acting so weird and crazy after the 8th.
That's also one of the reasons I said Marcus could take my place at the next meeting. I didn't want to think about what had been going on in my life and I didn't want all of you guys to know because, as Tim rightly pointed out earlier, it would have made it look like I was digging for sympathy. Well, now I am not digging for symathy. I never intend to dig for sympathy from you guys because I know I will never have to. I will be given sympathy if the situation warrants it, I don't have to go looking for it. I know that was my second error, and what caused the most sh!t, but I didn't want to face myself by telling you all (on here) what had been going on. I was afraid of myself, per se.
To put it into simpler terms: I didn't want to accept what had happened as real. Losing a girlfriend I can handle, but pile the loss of a distance friend on top of that, and I just snapped. I reverted into myself and let my "other" self free. In case any of you didn't know, I have A.D.H.D. which I supress through mental discipline. Well, when my guard went down, the sh!t started to happen until I slapped myself in the face and decided that I needed to get a life and stop taking out my feelings online, so I informed you all of my decision to retire for a few weeks.
I have had the time off now (I used the edmonton trip to get my mind off everything) to think about what's happened and sort out how I feel about life and love. I would like to inform you all that even though I am still hurting a lot, I am back. Just don't expect me to be very enthusiastic for a while.
Thank you for your time
Simon
PS: Yes, Tim, I did lie to you. I openly admit it. But I just needed you to get off my back about everything because I didn't want to explode at you and I just couldn't deal with it at the time. I was in pain and I didn't want to take it out on anyone, plus I didn't want to have to think about it because every time I do, it hurts. It will for the rest of my life. I realize that now, and i accept it. So therefore I apologize to you, Tim. Openly and honestly. I committed an error because I was afraid of myself and my feelings. Please accept my apology as a sign that I have no hard feelings whatsoever towards you.
Well, with my response to Asif's thread, I guess I have broken my hiatus. So now I wish to explain myself and why I did what I did.
In the few days before I went to Edmonton, I was having relationship difficulties because my (then) current girlfriend and a girlfriend from my past shared some history and that history was interfering with my current relationship, to the point of my (then) current g/f and ex-g/f coming to blows. So my then current g/f asked me who I truly did love and I couldn't answer that because, honestly, I loved them both. I told her that "I don't know" when I should have said "Both", and with a solid slap across my face, my (then) current-g/f walked out of my life. Yes, I do understand that I am young and that these things will happen, it's part of growing up. While I was, and still am, hurting because of that, it's not the only reason I needed to do some soul searching. It was, however, the reason that I had been acting kind of out of it at the Friday meet, as there were relationship problems before the split. But the other reason is much harder.
A friend of mine from Junior High had moved over to Britain not long ago (less than two years). I have been keeping in close contact with her and was planning on paying her a visit next summer. Then, on Monday the 8th, her mother called me with some of the hardest news I have ever had to take in my life. My friend had died pursuant to injuries sustained from getting T-boned in her car. The family had requested that it stay out of the news (they are a very closed, tight family) but the mother had felt that I had the right to know as soon as possible. THAT is the main reason that I was acting so weird and crazy after the 8th.
That's also one of the reasons I said Marcus could take my place at the next meeting. I didn't want to think about what had been going on in my life and I didn't want all of you guys to know because, as Tim rightly pointed out earlier, it would have made it look like I was digging for sympathy. Well, now I am not digging for symathy. I never intend to dig for sympathy from you guys because I know I will never have to. I will be given sympathy if the situation warrants it, I don't have to go looking for it. I know that was my second error, and what caused the most sh!t, but I didn't want to face myself by telling you all (on here) what had been going on. I was afraid of myself, per se.
To put it into simpler terms: I didn't want to accept what had happened as real. Losing a girlfriend I can handle, but pile the loss of a distance friend on top of that, and I just snapped. I reverted into myself and let my "other" self free. In case any of you didn't know, I have A.D.H.D. which I supress through mental discipline. Well, when my guard went down, the sh!t started to happen until I slapped myself in the face and decided that I needed to get a life and stop taking out my feelings online, so I informed you all of my decision to retire for a few weeks.
I have had the time off now (I used the edmonton trip to get my mind off everything) to think about what's happened and sort out how I feel about life and love. I would like to inform you all that even though I am still hurting a lot, I am back. Just don't expect me to be very enthusiastic for a while.
Thank you for your time
Simon
PS: Yes, Tim, I did lie to you. I openly admit it. But I just needed you to get off my back about everything because I didn't want to explode at you and I just couldn't deal with it at the time. I was in pain and I didn't want to take it out on anyone, plus I didn't want to have to think about it because every time I do, it hurts. It will for the rest of my life. I realize that now, and i accept it. So therefore I apologize to you, Tim. Openly and honestly. I committed an error because I was afraid of myself and my feelings. Please accept my apology as a sign that I have no hard feelings whatsoever towards you.
Thread Starter
Banned
Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 3,721
Likes: 0
From: Calgary
Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, basically a hormonal imbalance in the back of your head that makes it hard to concentrate sometimes and doesn't suppress brain sugar as much as "normal" people.
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