A close, dear friend has just been diagnosed with a serious illness. We don't yet know the course of treatment, nor the prognosis. Our hearts break for them, and we feel so badly for the road they will be traveling on for who knows how long. We are obviously hoping for the best.

They have asked for thoughts and prayers only. They are private people and prefer to deal with the situation, privately and together. All this is understood and respected. They have said to continue to call for anything and everything as before and to talk about anything and everything as before, except for the the illness.

We are very close to these people. My fear is that it will be hard to act "normally" and converse "normally", while trying to avoid what I think will be an elephant in the room. When my parents had to deal with serious illnesses, they were very open and forthcoming about what was going on, but I understand that everyone handles these types of situations differently.

We have let them know we are there for them if needed. I guess we can't do much more than that right now.

How have you handled a situation like this?

 

I'd do what they asked and force myself to behave as if nothing had happened. I understand your feelings and it will be quite difficult, but being very private myself I can understand how THEY feel. I had a very serious illness back in the early 1990s and told only those people (my family and my employer) that I felt HAD to know. I did NOT want visitors in the hospital and I did NOT want to answer questions. I was quite distressed when I discovered that my condition was announced to the entire student body (over 5000 kids) at Convocation on the day of my surgery (by my employer). In any event I did not have to have chemo, my surgery was successful and I recovered after a few months and felt better than I had in many years. The only questions I had to answer were from the students who worked for me in a work-study program and that was more than I wanted to discuss. I needed the space and privacy to heal on my own through my own strength. My husband and children were the only people I wanted to rely on. My little girl was only in elementary school at the time and she was my best helper. She also was the reason I felt I HAD to overcome this thing. No one would have loved her or cared for her the way I felt I could, so I had a reason to work harder at recovery.

 

Lainey, I couldn't agree more with the postings from Valentine and from Bill in the New England thread. Hard to do, but try your best to honor their wishes.

Keep your chin up, my friend.

 

Thanks people. You're the best, but I already knew that.

 

I had a similar situation happen to my family. A close cousin's wife was diagnosed with a very aggressive cancer last November and she could not tolerate the chemo. There was no hope for weeks. Then the doctors found the right cocktail of drugs and she slowly got better.

I went to see her in March, while in Hawaii, not knowing what to expect other than she was bald and very tired. She came down the stairs from her bedroom and we sat next to each other. I chatted about family stuff, their grand daughter, etc. As we got up to leave, I turned to her to give her a hug, she smiled, we hugged and I said "you are going to be alright .... you still have that sparkle!" (and I meant it!)

Later, my cousin emailed me how much my comment meant to her.

Don't concentrate on the elephant .... embrace your friends with the love and passion you have always had for them. You never know what the future might bring.

 

My sister-in-law just successfully finished a year of cancer treatment which she started with little hope from her doctor. While they weren't at all "secretive" about it, I think they truly appreciated being able to enjoy friends and family on a "normal" basis rather than as "visiting the sick person". I think people going through such things need to know you're there if they need you, but they also desperately need some normalcy in their life and a chance to forget what they're dealing with, even if only for brief periods of time. Being able to forget the illness for awhile with friends and family was great therapy for her. Good luck to your friend and big hugs to you.

 

What they all said; it's the best medicine you can provide. Just be yourself and push the elephant out of office (ops, I ment the room).

 

Are you SURE I should be myself?

Thanks for the replies. Nice story plantpixie.

 

Our friends called us this evening. They've had a few days to get used to the news they received earlier this week and are doing much better.

They told me the doctor does believe the prognosis to be good. Additional tests have been run and more will be done after the surgery, but they are hoping for the best. They have a good positive attitude which is always important.

Thankfully, the elephant wasn't in the room after all.

 

Good.