Joke of the Day Part III Vintage Style
02-01-2018, 05:43 AM
#381
Even hunters have big hearts...
This one was worth sending, almost brings tears to your eyes.
A hunter and his friend were sitting in a tall deer stand near Highway 7
early one cold December morning. Suddenly, a huge buck walked out
over the corn they had spread in the low shrubs. The buck was magnificent,
a once in a lifetime animal. His rack was huge. The hunter's hand shook
as his mind was already counting the Boone and Crockett points. Moving
Quickly, the hunter carefully aimed the Leopold scope on his .300
Win Mag at the unsuspecting buck.
As he was about to squeeze the trigger on this deer of a lifetime, his friend
alerted him to a funeral procession passing slowly down Highway 7. The
hunter pulled away from the gunstock, set the rifle down, took off his hat,
bowed his head and then closed his eyes in prayer.
His friend was stunned, "Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I
have ever seen you do. You actually let that trophy deer go to pay respects to
a passing funeral procession. You are indeed the kindest man I have ever
known, and I feel lucky to call you a friend. "
The hunter shrugged. "Yeah, well, we were married for 37 years".
Levi
This one was worth sending, almost brings tears to your eyes.
A hunter and his friend were sitting in a tall deer stand near Highway 7
early one cold December morning. Suddenly, a huge buck walked out
over the corn they had spread in the low shrubs. The buck was magnificent,
a once in a lifetime animal. His rack was huge. The hunter's hand shook
as his mind was already counting the Boone and Crockett points. Moving
Quickly, the hunter carefully aimed the Leopold scope on his .300
Win Mag at the unsuspecting buck.
As he was about to squeeze the trigger on this deer of a lifetime, his friend
alerted him to a funeral procession passing slowly down Highway 7. The
hunter pulled away from the gunstock, set the rifle down, took off his hat,
bowed his head and then closed his eyes in prayer.
His friend was stunned, "Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I
have ever seen you do. You actually let that trophy deer go to pay respects to
a passing funeral procession. You are indeed the kindest man I have ever
known, and I feel lucky to call you a friend. "
The hunter shrugged. "Yeah, well, we were married for 37 years".
Levi
02-07-2018, 09:46 AM
#383
Road Trip!
I have been in many places, but I've never been in Kahoots. Apparently, you can't go alone. You have to be in Kahoots with someone.
I've also never been in Cognito. I hear no one recognizes you there.
I have, however, been in Sane. They don't have an airport; you have to be driven there. I have made several trips there, thanks to my children, friends, family and work.
I would like to go to Conclusions, but you have to jump, and I'm not too much on physical activity anymore.
I have also been in Doubt. That is a sad place to go, and I try not to visit there too often. I've been in Flexible, but only when it was very important to stand firm.
Sometimes I'm in Capable, and I go there more often as I'm getting older.
One of my favorite places to be is in Suspense! It really gets the adrenaline flowing and pumps up the old heart! At my age I need all the stimuli I can get!
I may have been in Continent, but I don't remember what country I was in. It's an age thing. They tell me it is very wet and damp there.
I have been in many places, but I've never been in Kahoots. Apparently, you can't go alone. You have to be in Kahoots with someone.
I've also never been in Cognito. I hear no one recognizes you there.
I have, however, been in Sane. They don't have an airport; you have to be driven there. I have made several trips there, thanks to my children, friends, family and work.
I would like to go to Conclusions, but you have to jump, and I'm not too much on physical activity anymore.
I have also been in Doubt. That is a sad place to go, and I try not to visit there too often. I've been in Flexible, but only when it was very important to stand firm.
Sometimes I'm in Capable, and I go there more often as I'm getting older.
One of my favorite places to be is in Suspense! It really gets the adrenaline flowing and pumps up the old heart! At my age I need all the stimuli I can get!
I may have been in Continent, but I don't remember what country I was in. It's an age thing. They tell me it is very wet and damp there.
02-07-2018, 11:17 AM
#384
^
I know I have been in Ebriated, the wife lets me know when that happens.
I know I have been in Ebriated, the wife lets me know when that happens.
02-07-2018, 01:38 PM
#385
Road Trip!
I have been in many places, but I've never been in Kahoots. Apparently, you can't go alone. You have to be in Kahoots with someone.
I've also never been in Cognito. I hear no one recognizes you there.
I have, however, been in Sane. They don't have an airport; you have to be driven there. I have made several trips there, thanks to my children, friends, family and work.
I would like to go to Conclusions, but you have to jump, and I'm not too much on physical activity anymore.
I have also been in Doubt. That is a sad place to go, and I try not to visit there too often. I've been in Flexible, but only when it was very important to stand firm.
Sometimes I'm in Capable, and I go there more often as I'm getting older.
One of my favorite places to be is in Suspense! It really gets the adrenaline flowing and pumps up the old heart! At my age I need all the stimuli I can get!
I may have been in Continent, but I don't remember what country I was in. It's an age thing. They tell me it is very wet and damp there.
I have been in many places, but I've never been in Kahoots. Apparently, you can't go alone. You have to be in Kahoots with someone.
I've also never been in Cognito. I hear no one recognizes you there.
I have, however, been in Sane. They don't have an airport; you have to be driven there. I have made several trips there, thanks to my children, friends, family and work.
I would like to go to Conclusions, but you have to jump, and I'm not too much on physical activity anymore.
I have also been in Doubt. That is a sad place to go, and I try not to visit there too often. I've been in Flexible, but only when it was very important to stand firm.
Sometimes I'm in Capable, and I go there more often as I'm getting older.
One of my favorite places to be is in Suspense! It really gets the adrenaline flowing and pumps up the old heart! At my age I need all the stimuli I can get!
I may have been in Continent, but I don't remember what country I was in. It's an age thing. They tell me it is very wet and damp there.
Usually due to other S2000 owners being around at the Dragon!
02-20-2018, 05:15 AM
#386
LITTLE JOHNNY IS BACK:
The teacher asked the class to use the word “fascinate” in a sentence.
Molly put up her hand and said, “My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating."
The teacher said, “That was good, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate,’ not 'fascinating'.”
Sally raised her hand. She said, “My family went to see Rock City and I was fascinated.”
The teacher said, “Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate’.”
Little Johnny raised his hand, but the teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word “fascinate,” so she called on him.
Johnny said, “My aunt Carolyn has a sweater with ten buttons, but her tits are so big she can only fasten eight!”
The teacher sat down and cried.
The teacher asked the class to use the word “fascinate” in a sentence.
Molly put up her hand and said, “My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating."
The teacher said, “That was good, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate,’ not 'fascinating'.”
Sally raised her hand. She said, “My family went to see Rock City and I was fascinated.”
The teacher said, “Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate’.”
Little Johnny raised his hand, but the teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word “fascinate,” so she called on him.
Johnny said, “My aunt Carolyn has a sweater with ten buttons, but her tits are so big she can only fasten eight!”
The teacher sat down and cried.
02-20-2018, 11:39 AM
#387
Jim finally decided to tie the knot with his long time girlfriend.
One evening, after their honeymoon, he was welding some stuff in the garage, just for fun.
His new wife was standing there at the bench watching him.
After a long period of silence she finally spoke ...
"Honey, I've just been thinking, now that we are married, maybe it's time you quit spending all your time out here in the shop. You probably should just consider selling all your welders along with your gun collection and that stupid vintage Harley.”
Jim got a horrified look on his face.
She said, "Darling, what's wrong?"
He replied, "There for a minute you were starting to sound like my ex-wife."
"Ex-wife!" she screamed, "YOU NEVER TOLD ME YOU WERE MARRIED BEFORE!"
Jim replied: “I wasn't."
One evening, after their honeymoon, he was welding some stuff in the garage, just for fun.
His new wife was standing there at the bench watching him.
After a long period of silence she finally spoke ...
"Honey, I've just been thinking, now that we are married, maybe it's time you quit spending all your time out here in the shop. You probably should just consider selling all your welders along with your gun collection and that stupid vintage Harley.”
Jim got a horrified look on his face.
She said, "Darling, what's wrong?"
He replied, "There for a minute you were starting to sound like my ex-wife."
"Ex-wife!" she screamed, "YOU NEVER TOLD ME YOU WERE MARRIED BEFORE!"
Jim replied: “I wasn't."
02-20-2018, 02:35 PM
#388
A plane is on its way to toronto , when a blonde in economy class gets up and moves to the first class section and sits down.
The flight attendant watches her do this and asks to see her ticket.
She then tells the blonde that she paid for economy class and that she will have to sit in the back.
The blonde replies, "i'm blonde, i'm beautiful, i'm going to toronto and i'm staying right here."
The flight attendant goes into the cockpit and tells the pilot and the co-pilot that there is a blonde bimbo sitting in first class, that belongs in economy and won't move back to her seat.
The co-pilot goes back to the blonde and tries to explain that because she only paid for economy she will have to leave and return to her seat.
The blonde replies, "i'm blonde, i'm beautiful, i'm going to toronto and i'm staying right here."
the co-pilot tells the pilot that he probably should have the police waiting when they land to arrest this blonde woman who won't listen to reason.
The pilot says, "you say she is a blonde? I'll handle this, i'm married to a blonde. I speak blonde."
He goes back to the blonde and whispers in her ear, and she says, "oh, i'm sorry." and gets up and goes back to her seat in economy.
The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed and asked him what he said to make her move without any fuss.
"I told her, 'first class isn't going to toronto."
The flight attendant watches her do this and asks to see her ticket.
She then tells the blonde that she paid for economy class and that she will have to sit in the back.
The blonde replies, "i'm blonde, i'm beautiful, i'm going to toronto and i'm staying right here."
The flight attendant goes into the cockpit and tells the pilot and the co-pilot that there is a blonde bimbo sitting in first class, that belongs in economy and won't move back to her seat.
The co-pilot goes back to the blonde and tries to explain that because she only paid for economy she will have to leave and return to her seat.
The blonde replies, "i'm blonde, i'm beautiful, i'm going to toronto and i'm staying right here."
the co-pilot tells the pilot that he probably should have the police waiting when they land to arrest this blonde woman who won't listen to reason.
The pilot says, "you say she is a blonde? I'll handle this, i'm married to a blonde. I speak blonde."
He goes back to the blonde and whispers in her ear, and she says, "oh, i'm sorry." and gets up and goes back to her seat in economy.
The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed and asked him what he said to make her move without any fuss.
"I told her, 'first class isn't going to toronto."
Last edited by Lovetodrive2000; 04-14-2018 at 02:17 AM.
02-22-2018, 11:46 AM
#389
Here's a sad example of the witch hunt caused by the flood of sexual abuse allegations:
A good friend of mine, after 7 yrs of medical school and training has been fired for one minor indiscretion. He slept with one of his patients and can no longer work in the profession. What a waste of time, effort, training and money. He's still paying off his school loans. This just goes to show you, one minor mistake can ruin your life. Thoughts and prayers for him and his family. He really is a great guy and a brilliant veterinarian.
A good friend of mine, after 7 yrs of medical school and training has been fired for one minor indiscretion. He slept with one of his patients and can no longer work in the profession. What a waste of time, effort, training and money. He's still paying off his school loans. This just goes to show you, one minor mistake can ruin your life. Thoughts and prayers for him and his family. He really is a great guy and a brilliant veterinarian.
02-22-2018, 01:22 PM
#390
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