JOKE OF THE DAY
beacuse when he tried again, he made a booboo! 
Community Organizer
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 5,151
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From: America !!! fuk yeah.
Tiger Tiger Woods Ya'll.
****
Apparently the police asked Tiger’s wife how many times she hit him. She said “I don’t know exactly, but put me down for a 5.”
What’s the difference between a car and a golf ball? Tiger can drive a ball 400 yards.
What was Elin doing out at 2.30 in the morning? Clubbing
Why did Tiger crashed into a fire hydrant AND a tree? He couldn’t decide between a wood and an iron.
Why did Phil Mickelson call Elin yesterday? To pick up some tips on how to beat Tiger.
What is the penalty for getting it in the wrong hole? Ask Tiger, he knows.
Tiger drives very well on the fairway but doesn’t fare very well on the driveway.
Whats the difference between a golf ball and a caddy? Tiger can drive a golf ball.
Nike wants to drop their endorsement due to accuracy problems. Apparently, Tiger’s spraying his balls everywhere.
It turns out that fixing Tiger’s game and fixing his marriage both require the same thing: better control over his putz.
Why was Tiger’s wife mad at him? She heard that he played a-round in Australia .
What will the headline be if they prove it is domestic violence? TIGER’S WIFE MAKES THE CUT
Given Tiger’s racial heritage can we call this a Black Thai affair?
Tiger just changed his nickname but still kept it in the cat family. Cheetah.
Elin Woods has a twin sister named Josephine. Know how to tell them apart? Elin is the one holding the bent 5 iron.
First words spoken to the paramedics by Tiger: Who are you? And what are all these trees doing in my living room?
Tiger Wood’s shirt is all red- problem is, there’s no tournament, and his veins are a pint low.
What does Tiger have in common with a baby seal? They’ve both been clubbed by a Norwegian.
****
Apparently the police asked Tiger’s wife how many times she hit him. She said “I don’t know exactly, but put me down for a 5.”
What’s the difference between a car and a golf ball? Tiger can drive a ball 400 yards.
What was Elin doing out at 2.30 in the morning? Clubbing
Why did Tiger crashed into a fire hydrant AND a tree? He couldn’t decide between a wood and an iron.
Why did Phil Mickelson call Elin yesterday? To pick up some tips on how to beat Tiger.
What is the penalty for getting it in the wrong hole? Ask Tiger, he knows.
Tiger drives very well on the fairway but doesn’t fare very well on the driveway.
Whats the difference between a golf ball and a caddy? Tiger can drive a golf ball.
Nike wants to drop their endorsement due to accuracy problems. Apparently, Tiger’s spraying his balls everywhere.
It turns out that fixing Tiger’s game and fixing his marriage both require the same thing: better control over his putz.
Why was Tiger’s wife mad at him? She heard that he played a-round in Australia .
What will the headline be if they prove it is domestic violence? TIGER’S WIFE MAKES THE CUT
Given Tiger’s racial heritage can we call this a Black Thai affair?
Tiger just changed his nickname but still kept it in the cat family. Cheetah.
Elin Woods has a twin sister named Josephine. Know how to tell them apart? Elin is the one holding the bent 5 iron.
First words spoken to the paramedics by Tiger: Who are you? And what are all these trees doing in my living room?
Tiger Wood’s shirt is all red- problem is, there’s no tournament, and his veins are a pint low.
What does Tiger have in common with a baby seal? They’ve both been clubbed by a Norwegian.
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Joined: Dec 2005
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From: Miami/305
Lawyer: I have some good news and some bad news.
Client: Well, give me the bad news first.
Lawyer: The bad news is that the DNA tests showed that it was your blood they found all over the crime scene
Client: Oh no! I'm ruined! What's the good news?
Lawyer: The good news is your cholesterol is down to 130!
Client: Well, give me the bad news first.
Lawyer: The bad news is that the DNA tests showed that it was your blood they found all over the crime scene
Client: Oh no! I'm ruined! What's the good news?
Lawyer: The good news is your cholesterol is down to 130!
Thread Starter
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Joined: Dec 2005
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From: Miami/305
On his morning walk, a doctor noticed this old lady. She was sitting on her front step smoking a cigar, so he walked up to her and said, "I couldn't help but notice how happy you look! What is your secret?" "I smoke ten cigars a day," she said. "Before I go to bed, I smoke a nice big joint. I drink a whole bottle of Jack Daniels every week, and eat only junk food. On weekends, I pop pills, have unprotected sex, and I don't exercise at all. "That is absolutely amazing! How old are you?" "Thirty-six," she replied.
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Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 5,507
Likes: 231
From: Miami, FL
On his morning walk, a doctor noticed this old lady. She was sitting on her front step smoking a cigar, so he walked up to her and said, "I couldn't help but notice how happy you look! What is your secret?" "I smoke ten cigars a day," she said. "Before I go to bed, I smoke a nice big joint. I drink a whole bottle of Jack Daniels every week, and eat only junk food. On weekends, I pop pills, have unprotected sex, and I don't exercise at all. "That is absolutely amazing! How old are you?" "Thirty-six," she replied.
Btw, leave it to renderman to bring back old threads.
Thread Starter
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Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 3,193
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From: Miami/305
He he he.. her's another one.
Uncle Sam and Osama decided to settle the whole war with a dogfight. They would each have 5 years to breed the best fighting dog and whoever's dog won would dominate the world.
Osama found the meanest Doberman females in the world and bred them with the meanest wolves. They selected only the biggest and strongest puppy from each litter. After 5 years, they came up with the biggest, meanest dog ever.
When the day came for the big dogfight, Uncle Sam showed up with a strange looking animal. It was a 9-foot long Dachshund. When the cages were opened up, the Dachshund came out of it's cage and slowly waddled over toward Osama's dog.
Osama's dog snarled and leaped out of it's cage and charged the American dog--but when it got close to the American dog, the Dachshund opened it's mouth and ate Osama's dog whole!
Osama replied, "We don't understand how this could have happened, we had our best people working for 5 years with the meanest dogs and the meanest wolves!"
Uncle Sam said, “That’s nothing, we had our best plastic surgeons working for 5 years to make that alligator look like a weenie dog."