Granted. Actually, it was granted a long time ago, you just got a new prescription on your eyeglasses that allowed you to see clearly for the first time since the second grade.










I wish I were President of the United States.

 

Granted but the United States has just been nuked by Russia because of your inexperience in foreign policy.



I wish I had something besides 3 day old pizza for lunch.

 

Granted. You have lunch at Tavern on The Green. . . with Rosie O'Donnell

I wish I could have the Pets.com puppet.

 

Granted, but you are now accused of being a pet-ofile and are put in jail for a very long time.

I wish I had a nice 30' Catalina tall-rig.

 

granted, you got a 1985 that sank and now has more holes than swiss cheese. it is also in your front yard so everyday the HOA can fee the shit out of you.


I wish I had nude photos of palin right now to bribe her with (among other things).

 

Granted, but the photos reveal much to your (and everyone else's) dismay that she has a penis, and it is bigger than yours.


I wish that beer was good for you.

 

Granted, but that drove prices up too much it's basically unaffordable.

I wish there wasn't so damn much corruption in this world.

 

Granted, now the world is run exactly by the rules which means you lose your license for point accumulations after repeated tickets for going 1 MPH over the limit. Then you lose your possessions for tax fraud becuase the IRS now performs a 100% audit on every person in the country.


I wish there were three more hours in the day.

 

Granted, now your employer expects you to put even more time in at the job resulting in your deteriorating physical and mental health. As a result you become an obese burned out disgruntled employee and come to work one day with a small arsenal and blow away your boss and co-workers but fail at your attempt at suicide. You then spend the rest of your life in jail being a prison bitch to your 350 pound cellmate.


I wish I would win the lottery and retire.

 

Granted, but your winning is reduced to a free-ticket prize on a $1 scratcher. Your retirement takes place, but as the only option to being fired after your company starts to implement and enforce it's new personal hygene policy.



I wish I could fly.