Granted. They waste them in PR stunts doing community service for their neighborhood.


I wish the UPS man would hurry the fark up with my package that should have been delivered yesterday.

 

Granted. Your package will be delivered to Honduras by the end of the month.

I wish this gift bottle of wine sitting on my desk would pour itself into a glass.

 

Granted. . . and by the way, here's some Valtrex. . . you'll need it.

I wish I didn't have to watch my retirement fund go back to the amount with which I started. . .

 

Granted, you can watch disipate past where you started into nothing as other defense-based stocks continue to soar.


I wish I could snap my fingers and make appear.

 

Granted, but the yeast that was used was from some sluts nasty twat infection.

I wish something good would happen to me this year.

 

Granted, but then 1000 bad things happen to you as well.

I wish that solar energy would become an easy cheap fuel.

 

Granted, but the stock market collapses after fossil fuels become worthless. Society implodes and GNN becomes an omnipotent being.



I wish I could on command.

 

Granted, but you fart so much that you blow your rectum out through your a$$hole and must live the rest of your life with a pink sock.

I wish I could be driving the dragon in the blink of an eye.

 

Granted: but the dragon is socked in by an early snow-storm which reduces your driving to 2MPH.

I wish drinking didn't have an adverse affect on my the following morning.

 

Granted. Now the effects of beer will be immediate. You barely finish a glass before you vomit and propose to the transvestite sitting next to you.



I wish the Plant Manager here was smart enough to at least tie his own shoes.