The Raptor

Here's real groaner:

A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there's a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He is ever so stunned with her since she sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her. Suddenly she sneezes and surprisingly her glass eye comes flying out of its socket towards him. He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back to her. "Oh my, I'm so sorry," the woman says as she pops her eye back in place. "Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you," she says. They enjoy a wonderful dinner together and afterward they go to the theater followed by drinks. They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams, and he shares his. She listens. After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap and stay for breakfast. They had a wonderful, wonderful time, -- great sex. The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy is in heaven. Everything had been so incredible! "You know," he says to her, "you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?" "No," she replies, "You just happened to catch my eye."

vtecmom

^^^ Silly RB

I need 2 sit n backtrack in here for more groans

The Raptor

Here's another real groaner:

I was testing children in my Dublin sunday school class to see if they understood the concept of getting to heaven. I asked them "If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into heaven?" "No!" the children answered." "If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the lawn, and kept everything tidy, would that get me into heaven?" Again, the answer was "No!" By now I was starting to smile. "Well, then, if I was kind to animals and gave sweets to all the children, and loved my wife, would that get me into heaven?" Again, they all answered "No!." I was just bursting with pride for them. I continued "Then how can I get into heaven?" A six year old boy shouted out: "Yuv gotta be fookn' dead!"