[QUOTE=heathas2k,Aug 28 2008, 03:27 PM] One day a teacher went into her class room and saw the word,

 

[QUOTE=heathas2k,Aug 28 2008, 02:27 PM] One day a teacher went into her class room and saw the word,

 

So this guy is travelling for work, and decides to go into a local bar to get some drinks.

He's sitting at the bar and the bartender starts going through some routine questions for the out of towner. While talking, the businessman holds his hand up, says shhhh, phone call. He lifts his hand to his head and starts talking. In a minute the call is over.

The bartender is confused a bit, and strikes up the conversation again. In a few minutes, the businessman does the same thing, and again is soon back in the conversation.

The bartender looks at him and says - what's up with that? The businessman says, "It's great, I'm always on the road, have a pager, phone, and all of these gadgets. I got this chip implanted in me, and now I can do all of those things without having to carry anything special." He then excuses himself to the bathroom.

After about 30 minutes, the bartender starts to get worried, so he heads over the to the bathroom to check on the guy. He walks in to find the businessman leaning against the wall, pants around his ankles, and a roll of toilet paper jammed in his ass cheeks.

Furious and confused, the bartender yells. "Hey - Not sure what your doing, but we don't think thats right around here"

The businessman turns around and calmly says "Hang on, I'm waiting for a fax to come in."

 

A young boy went up to his father and asked him, 'Dad, what is the difference between 'potentially' and 'realistically'?'

The father thought for a moment, then answered, 'Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars.

Then ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars, and then ask your brother if he'd sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Come back and tell me what you learn from that.'

So the boy went to his mother and asked, 'Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?'

The mother replied, 'Of course I would! We could really use that money to fix up the house and send you kids to a great University!'

The boy then went to his sister and asked, 'Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?'

The girl replied, 'Oh my Gawd! I LOVE Brad Pitt I would sleep with him in a heartbeat, are you nuts?'

The boy then went to his brother and asked, 'Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?'

'Of course,' the brother replied. 'Do you know what a million bucks would buy?'

The boy pondered the answers for a few days and then went back to his dad.

His father asked him, 'Did you find out the difference between 'potentially' and 'realistically'?'

The boy replied, 'Yes, 'Potentially', you and I are sitting on three million dollars .

But 'realistically', we're living with two hookers and a homo

 

Eddie wanted desperately to have sex with this really cute, really hot girl in his office... but she was dating someone else. One day Eddie got so frustrated that he went to her and said, 'I'll give you $100 if you let me have sex with you.' The girl looked at him, and then said, 'NO!' Eddie said, 'I'll be real fast. I'll throw the money on the floor, you bend down and I'll finish by the time you've picked it up.' She thought for a moment and said that she would consult with her boyfriend. So she called him and explained the situation. Her boyfriend says, 'Ask him for $200, and pick up the money really fast. He won't even be able to get his pants down.She agreed and accepts the proposal. Over half an hour goes by and the boyfriend is still waiting for his girlfriend's call. Finally, after 45 minutes the boyfriend calls and asks what happened? Still breathing hard, she managed to reply, 'The bastard had all quarters!'

Management lesson:

Always consider a business proposition in its entirety before agreeing to it and getting screwed.

 

A car gets a flat on the interstate one day. The blonde driver eases
it over onto the shoulder of the road, carefully steps out of the car
and opens the trunk.

She takes out two cardboard men, unfolds them and stands them at the
rear of the vehicle facing oncoming traffic. The lifelike cardboard
men are in trench coats exposing their nude bodies and private parts
to approaching drivers.

Not surprisingly, the traffic becomes snarled and backed up.

It isn't very long before a police car arrives. The officer, clearly
enraged, approaches the blonde of the disabled vehicle yelling,
"What's going on here?"

"My car broke down, officer" says the woman calmly.

"Well, what the hell are these obscene cardboard pictures doing here
by the road?" he asks.

"Helllooooooo!!!!" says the blonde. "Those are my emergency flashers!"

 

Little Johnny, hearing sounds coming from his parents bedroom, decides to go and investigate. Upon opening the door, he sees his mother bent over the dresser with dad behind her pumping away. Shocked he stands there, jaw dropped to the floor, when his father calmly looks over his shoulder, without breaking his stride.. and gives little Johnny a wink and a head nod as to tell him to "beat it".

Little Johnny, distraught goes back to his room..

Dad, after finishing his morning workout slamming the wife, startes to walk towards little Johnnys' room when he hears moaning coming from his sons quarters. He opens up the door to find grandma bent over the toy chest with little Johnny, standing on a pile of telephone books plowing away at her from behind. "What the hell are you doing!!!!" yelled his father.. Little Johnny turned calmly and replied with a scoul "Not so funny when it's your mom is it?"

 

a friend showed this to me and for some reason I couldn't stop laughing!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_OBlgSz8sSM

 

^ Funny. Holy jeebus, 50 million views!