Is this an asian thing?
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From: Calgary
Originally Posted by Ted H,Jan 15 2010, 07:46 AM
Interesting... I guess my thought is, how much do your parents need your help? And in what ways?
To me, 60 isn't really that old. It might sound that way, but it's not. If there are medical/financial problems at play here, then I think that you're doing the right thing staying at home with your parents.
If those problems aren't quite so severe, and you're reasoning is merely "they're in their 60s..." then honestly, move out. I'm not suggesting you move across the country, stay near by if they're important to you--as well they should be. But living independently will show you why it is generally culturally unacceptable for people to continue to live with their parents. It's out of a concern for independent thought, individuality--and frankly, control. There's the general sense in society that, if you're in your mid/late twenties, and still living with your parents, it's either out of failure, laziness, or control (aka you're under theirs). This may not be the case in your situation, but often moving on, and trying living elsewhere might illuminate details about your relationship with your parents.
I think you're trying to do the honorable thing, and I certainly respect that. But ask yourself: how much help do they need? and, perhaps, most importantly: Am I really staying to help them, or am I staying because I'm afraid I'm not ready to go?
One common theme of advice in this thread so far has been: "Don't pick the girl, she could dump you!"
This is anxiety filled advice. Of course that relationship could end; thus is the nature of all relationships. That's a risk you'll have to take if you want to live life. Otherwise, you'll just recede back into your home life.
Note: I obviously do not know you, nor can I completely infer your situation.
To me, 60 isn't really that old. It might sound that way, but it's not. If there are medical/financial problems at play here, then I think that you're doing the right thing staying at home with your parents.
If those problems aren't quite so severe, and you're reasoning is merely "they're in their 60s..." then honestly, move out. I'm not suggesting you move across the country, stay near by if they're important to you--as well they should be. But living independently will show you why it is generally culturally unacceptable for people to continue to live with their parents. It's out of a concern for independent thought, individuality--and frankly, control. There's the general sense in society that, if you're in your mid/late twenties, and still living with your parents, it's either out of failure, laziness, or control (aka you're under theirs). This may not be the case in your situation, but often moving on, and trying living elsewhere might illuminate details about your relationship with your parents.
I think you're trying to do the honorable thing, and I certainly respect that. But ask yourself: how much help do they need? and, perhaps, most importantly: Am I really staying to help them, or am I staying because I'm afraid I'm not ready to go?
One common theme of advice in this thread so far has been: "Don't pick the girl, she could dump you!"
This is anxiety filled advice. Of course that relationship could end; thus is the nature of all relationships. That's a risk you'll have to take if you want to live life. Otherwise, you'll just recede back into your home life.
Note: I obviously do not know you, nor can I completely infer your situation.
My folks are in their late 60s and the idea that I would live with them to take care of them would be foolish in both theirs and my eyes. They are completely capable people, who can take care of themselves financially and functionally. You parents may be a different case, and have physical assistance needs, but your post didn't mention that.
I know Indian and Asian cultures have a strong leaning toward communal living with multiple generations under one roof, but I don't see what the value is beyond sharing the cooking, cleaning, and mortgage responsibilities.
I'm inclined to say go enjoy yourself now and further develop your relationship with your girlfriend.
From your parents' current ages, they're only going to require more assistance. Are you planning to live with them for upwards of the the next 30 years?
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Originally Posted by curiouz_G,Jan 15 2010, 06:00 AM
You're "lucky" enough to be with a white girl? 
Listen, I know you're not trying to be racist in this thread but I just cant hold by tongue about this one. It seems like you view white women as some sort of trophy or unachievable accomplishment that all Asian men seem to crave (I am also chinese/viet and my 1st GF was white too. We dating for 2 yrs). By doing so, I think this is clouding up your judgment. No matter who the girl is, family comes first. You know this and yet, you're still posting up on S2Ki asking for advice on what to do.
Man up and find a compromise. If she can't respect you enough to let you provide and help your parents, you guys should save the trouble and break it off so you two can find partners with compatible lifestyles and cultures, be it in the same race or not.
Listen, I know you're not trying to be racist in this thread but I just cant hold by tongue about this one. It seems like you view white women as some sort of trophy or unachievable accomplishment that all Asian men seem to crave (I am also chinese/viet and my 1st GF was white too. We dating for 2 yrs). By doing so, I think this is clouding up your judgment. No matter who the girl is, family comes first. You know this and yet, you're still posting up on S2Ki asking for advice on what to do.
Man up and find a compromise. If she can't respect you enough to let you provide and help your parents, you guys should save the trouble and break it off so you two can find partners with compatible lifestyles and cultures, be it in the same race or not.
Another solution is to move out but within the vicinity of your parents so you're just one call away, and you can see them anytime you'd like. In many cultures, families (and relatives) usually live within the same neighborhood.
P.S. From my personal observation, the Asian dudes who date white girls are often in it for a fling, then they would eventually break up due to different cultural values and mentalities. I've seen it a thousand times. On the other hand, I know this one Asian guy who's married to a GORGEOUS white girl; but to be fair, he's pretty good-looking too (and successful).
Whether it'll last remains to be seen.
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Im on the same boat as you. Im asian and my girlfriend is white. Im currently helping my parents financially. I could moved out but I cant since they needed my help. Also, at the end, my parents will give us the house. btw, its just me and my sister so its not hard to split 1 house.
Anyhow, my gf moved out her parents when she was 15 and now shes 24. You can just imagine how independent she was. She has her own house and shes been asking me to move in with her. Believe me, its not a great argument when were together. Shes ready to have a family and shes been telling me this all the time. Then im not ready yet since I want to make more money and continue schooling for MBA.
Also, you're right about that culture clash. They believe that they will support there kids till the end and then not get back in return. In the Asian culture, if youre done with school, youre supposed to support your parents financially. Its a responsibility.
O yeah, why do you need to tell yourself youre lucky to have a white girl? Thats like putting all asian guys down that we dont have anything to offer. Dude, she saw something on you and you just have a lot to offer.
Heck my girl went out with other race but they were all losers. They didnt finished college and doesnt have a career = no future.
Anyhow, my gf moved out her parents when she was 15 and now shes 24. You can just imagine how independent she was. She has her own house and shes been asking me to move in with her. Believe me, its not a great argument when were together. Shes ready to have a family and shes been telling me this all the time. Then im not ready yet since I want to make more money and continue schooling for MBA.
Also, you're right about that culture clash. They believe that they will support there kids till the end and then not get back in return. In the Asian culture, if youre done with school, youre supposed to support your parents financially. Its a responsibility.
O yeah, why do you need to tell yourself youre lucky to have a white girl? Thats like putting all asian guys down that we dont have anything to offer. Dude, she saw something on you and you just have a lot to offer.
Heck my girl went out with other race but they were all losers. They didnt finished college and doesnt have a career = no future.
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From: Denton, TX
Originally Posted by mugenize_ap1,Jan 15 2010, 04:57 PM
They didnt finished college and doesnt have a career = no future.
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Originally Posted by DFWs2k,Jan 15 2010, 03:40 PM
yea but can they use proper english when talking bad about others?
Whatever I posted wasnt a personal attack towards you. Why are you butthurt?
Pics or else it's all 