Attention Simpsons fanatics!!
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Joined: May 2001
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From: Stockton
Principal Skinner: "I have caught word that a child is using his imagination and I've come to put a stop to it. "
Moe: "People today are healthier and drinking less. You know, if it wasn't for the junior high school next door, no one would even use the cigarette machine."
Moe: "Say, Barn. Uh, remember when I said I'd have to send away to NASA to calculate your bar tab?"
Barney: "Oh ho, oh yeah. We all had a good laugh, Moe."
Moe: "The results came back today."
Moe: "Call this an unfair generalization if you must, but old people are no good at everything.
Mr. Burns: "Well, that's odd ... I've just robbed a man of his livelihood, and yet I feel strangely empty. Tell you what, Smithers - have him beaten to a pulp."
Mr. Burns: "I could crush him like an ant. But it would be too easy. No, revenge is a dish best served cold. I'll bide my time until ... Oh, what the hell. I'll just crush him like an ant."
Mr. Burns: "What good is money if it can't inspire terror in your fellow man?"
Mr. Burns: "You're fired."
Marge: "You can't fire me just because I'm married. I'm gonna sue the pants off of you."
Mr. Burns: "You don't have to sue me to get my pants off."
Mr. Burns: "I'm looking for something in an attack dog. One who likes the sweet gamey tang of human flesh. Hmmm, why here's the fellow ... Wiry, fast, firm, proud buttocks. Reminds me of me."
Mr. Burns: "So, Smithers, what are you doing this weekend. Something gay, I expect?"
Smithers: "What?!!"
Mr. Burns: "You know, light and fancy free! Mothers, lock up your daughters! Smithers is on the town!"
Smithers: "Oh! Of course."
Mr. Burns: "Ooh, the Germans are mad at me. I'm so scared! Oooh, the Germans!"
[Stone flies through Mr. Burns' office window]
Mr. Burns: "Look Smithers, a bird has become petrified and lost its sense of direction."
Moe: "People today are healthier and drinking less. You know, if it wasn't for the junior high school next door, no one would even use the cigarette machine."
Moe: "Say, Barn. Uh, remember when I said I'd have to send away to NASA to calculate your bar tab?"
Barney: "Oh ho, oh yeah. We all had a good laugh, Moe."
Moe: "The results came back today."
Moe: "Call this an unfair generalization if you must, but old people are no good at everything.
Mr. Burns: "Well, that's odd ... I've just robbed a man of his livelihood, and yet I feel strangely empty. Tell you what, Smithers - have him beaten to a pulp."
Mr. Burns: "I could crush him like an ant. But it would be too easy. No, revenge is a dish best served cold. I'll bide my time until ... Oh, what the hell. I'll just crush him like an ant."
Mr. Burns: "What good is money if it can't inspire terror in your fellow man?"
Mr. Burns: "You're fired."
Marge: "You can't fire me just because I'm married. I'm gonna sue the pants off of you."
Mr. Burns: "You don't have to sue me to get my pants off."
Mr. Burns: "I'm looking for something in an attack dog. One who likes the sweet gamey tang of human flesh. Hmmm, why here's the fellow ... Wiry, fast, firm, proud buttocks. Reminds me of me."
Mr. Burns: "So, Smithers, what are you doing this weekend. Something gay, I expect?"
Smithers: "What?!!"
Mr. Burns: "You know, light and fancy free! Mothers, lock up your daughters! Smithers is on the town!"
Smithers: "Oh! Of course."
Mr. Burns: "Ooh, the Germans are mad at me. I'm so scared! Oooh, the Germans!"
[Stone flies through Mr. Burns' office window]
Mr. Burns: "Look Smithers, a bird has become petrified and lost its sense of direction."
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Joined: May 2001
Posts: 818
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From: Stockton
Moe: "I'll use your head as a bucket and paint my house with your brains"
Homer: "Don't let Krusty's death get you down, boy. People die all the time, just like that. Why, you could wake up dead tomorrow! Well, good night."
Homer: "Kids, kids. As far as Daddy's concerned, you're both potential murderers."
Homer: "Dear Lord: The gods have been good to me. For the first time in my life, everything is absolutely perfect just the way it is. So here's the deal: You freeze everything the way it is, and I won't ask for anything more. If that is OK, please give me absolutely no sign. OK, deal. In gratitude, I present you this offering of cookies and milk. If you want me to eat them for you, give me no sign. Thy will be done."
Homer: "I am so smart, I am so smart, s-m-r-t....I mean s-m-A-r-t."
Homer: "Don't eat me. I have a wife and kids. Eat them."
Homer:: "The lesson is: Our God is vengeful! O spiteful one, show me who to smite and they shall be smoten!!!"
Homer: "It's like something out of that twilighty show about that zone."
Homer: "Me lose brain? Uh, oh! Ha ha ha! Why I laugh?"
Homer: "Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true."
Homer: "'To Start Press Any Key'. Where's the ANY key?"
Bart: "Christmas is a time when people of all religions come together to worship Jesus Christ."
Bart: "There's no such thing as a soul. It's just something they made up to scare kids, like the boogeyman or Michael Jackson."
Mindy(Homer's crush, inside an elevator): "Well, it looks like we'll be getting off together, uh, I mean, going down together,uh, I mean- "
Homer: "That's okay, I'll just press the button for the stimulator - I mean elevator!"
(Familiar mechanical-sounding scream from outside the plane) Airline captain: "Uh, everyone, please strap yourselves in, as we are experiencing a little Godzilla-related turbulence. It doesn't look too bad, though. He usually lets go at about 30,000 feet, and, after that, we'll just have to worry about Moth-Ra, Ged-Ra, and Rodan."
Ralph: "That's where I saw the leprechaun! He told me to burn things."
"Things aren't as happy as they used to be down here at the unemployment office. Joblessness is no longer just for philosophy majors. Useful people are starting to feel the pinch." -- Kent Brockman
"A bloody end for Homer Simpson...is just one of several possible outcomes according to our computer simulation. Now here is how it would look if the police killed him with a barrage of baseballs." -- Kent Brockman
"...and that fluffy kitten played with that ball of string, all through the night. And on a lighter note, a Kwik-E-Mart clerk was brutally murdered..." -- Kent Brockman
Kent Brockman "Professor, without knowing precisely what the danger is, would you say it's time for our viewers to crack each other's heads open and feast on the goo inside?" Professor "Yes I would, Kent."
"And in environmental news, scientists have announced that Springfield's air is now only dangerous to children and the elderly." -- Kent Brockman
"Another local peasant has been found dead, drained of his blood with two teeth marks on his throat. This black cape was found on the scene. [The cape says "DRACULA."] Police are baffled." -- Kent Brockman
"Hello, I'm Kent Brockman, and welcome to another edition of 'Smartline'. Are cartoons too violent for children? Most people would say 'No. Of course not. What kind of stupid question is that?' But one woman says 'yes'...Marge Simpson." -- Kent Brockman
"Ladies and gentlemen, uh, we've just lost the picture, but what we've seen speaks for itself. The Corvair spacecraft has apparently been taken over- 'conquered' if you will- by a master race of giant space ants. It's difficult to tell from this vantage point whether they will consume the captive Earthman or merely enslave them. One thing is for certain: there is no stopping them; the ants will soon be here. And I, for one, welcome our new insect overlords. I'd like to remind them as a trusted TV personality, I can be helpful in rounding up others to toil in their underground sugar caves." -- Kent Brockman
"Mankind has always dreamed of destroying the sun" -- Mr. Burns
Smithers "Sir, I'm afraid we have a bad image, people see you as a bit of an ogre." Mr.Burns "I ought to club them and eat their bones!"
"Oooh, so Mother Nature needs a favor?! Well maybe she should have thought of that when she was besetting us with droughts and floods and poison monkeys! Nature started the fight for survival, and now she wants to quit because she's losing. Well I say, hard cheese." -- Mr. Burns
"Ironic, isn't it Smithers? This anonymous clan of slack-jawed troglodytes has cost me the election, and yet if I were to have them killed, I would be the one to go to jail. That's democracy for you." -- Mr. Burns
"Oh your powers of deduction are exceptional. I simply can't allow you to waste them here when there are so many crimes going unsolved at this very moment. Go! Go for the good of the city!" -- Comic Book Guy
"Inspired by the most logical race in the galaxy, the Vulcans, breeding will be permitted once every seven years. For many of you this will mean much less breeding, for me, much much more." -- Comic Book Guy
(At the dentist's office) "Lisa, so you won't be scared, I'll show you some of the tools I'll be using. This is the scraper, this is the poker, and this happy little fellow is called the gouger. Now the first thing I'll be doing is chiseling some teeth out of your jawbone. Hold still while I gas you." -- A Dentist
"And as for your case, don't you worry. I've argued in front of every judge in the state. Sometimes as a lawyer." -- Lionel Hutz
"Well, he's kind of had it in for me, since I accidently ran over his dog. Actually, replace 'accidently' with 'repeatedly', and replace 'dog' with 'son'." -- Lionel Hutz
"An election!? That's one of those deals where they close the bars isn't it?" -- Barney Gumbel
"We need some more secret sauce. Put the mayonnaise in the sun." -- Manager at Krusty Burger
"Serving the customer is merriment enough for me. Thank you, come again. See? Most enjoyable." -- Apu Nahasapeemapetilon
"Attempted murder, really, what is that? Do they give a Nobel Prize for attempted chemistry?" -- Sideshow Bob
"I used to be With IT. But then they changed what IT was. Now what I'm with isn't IT, and what's IT seems scary and wierd. It'll happen to YOU." -- Abe Simpson
"I got a funny story about that. Well it's not so much funny as it is long." -- Abe Simpson
"Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls. Contrary to what you've just seen, war is neither glamorous nor fun. There are no winners, only losers. There are no good wars, with the following exceptions: The American Revolution, World War II, and the Star Wars Trilogy. If you'd like to learn more about war, there's lots of books in your local library, many of them with cool, gory pictures." -- Bart Simpson
"Aren't we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa." -- Bart Simpson
"I'm not calling you a liar but....I can't think of a way to finish that sentence." -- Bart Simpson
"Poachers are nature's way of keeping the balance. Whenever there are so many species that people get confused and angry a poacher is born." -- Homer Simpson
"Being eaten by crocodile is just like going to sleep...in a giant blender." -- Homer Simpson
"Marge, I agree with you -- in theory. In theory, communism works. In theory." -- Homer Simpson
"If you really want something in life you have to work for it. Now quiet, they're about to announce the lottery numbers." -- Homer Simpson
"I want to set the record straight: I thought the cop was a prostitute." -- Homer Simpson
"I'm not gonna lie to you, Marge." Pause. "Well, goodbye" -- Homer Simpson
Homer: "Don't let Krusty's death get you down, boy. People die all the time, just like that. Why, you could wake up dead tomorrow! Well, good night."
Homer: "Kids, kids. As far as Daddy's concerned, you're both potential murderers."
Homer: "Dear Lord: The gods have been good to me. For the first time in my life, everything is absolutely perfect just the way it is. So here's the deal: You freeze everything the way it is, and I won't ask for anything more. If that is OK, please give me absolutely no sign. OK, deal. In gratitude, I present you this offering of cookies and milk. If you want me to eat them for you, give me no sign. Thy will be done."
Homer: "I am so smart, I am so smart, s-m-r-t....I mean s-m-A-r-t."
Homer: "Don't eat me. I have a wife and kids. Eat them."
Homer:: "The lesson is: Our God is vengeful! O spiteful one, show me who to smite and they shall be smoten!!!"
Homer: "It's like something out of that twilighty show about that zone."
Homer: "Me lose brain? Uh, oh! Ha ha ha! Why I laugh?"
Homer: "Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true."
Homer: "'To Start Press Any Key'. Where's the ANY key?"
Bart: "Christmas is a time when people of all religions come together to worship Jesus Christ."
Bart: "There's no such thing as a soul. It's just something they made up to scare kids, like the boogeyman or Michael Jackson."
Mindy(Homer's crush, inside an elevator): "Well, it looks like we'll be getting off together, uh, I mean, going down together,uh, I mean- "
Homer: "That's okay, I'll just press the button for the stimulator - I mean elevator!"
(Familiar mechanical-sounding scream from outside the plane) Airline captain: "Uh, everyone, please strap yourselves in, as we are experiencing a little Godzilla-related turbulence. It doesn't look too bad, though. He usually lets go at about 30,000 feet, and, after that, we'll just have to worry about Moth-Ra, Ged-Ra, and Rodan."
Ralph: "That's where I saw the leprechaun! He told me to burn things."
"Things aren't as happy as they used to be down here at the unemployment office. Joblessness is no longer just for philosophy majors. Useful people are starting to feel the pinch." -- Kent Brockman
"A bloody end for Homer Simpson...is just one of several possible outcomes according to our computer simulation. Now here is how it would look if the police killed him with a barrage of baseballs." -- Kent Brockman
"...and that fluffy kitten played with that ball of string, all through the night. And on a lighter note, a Kwik-E-Mart clerk was brutally murdered..." -- Kent Brockman
Kent Brockman "Professor, without knowing precisely what the danger is, would you say it's time for our viewers to crack each other's heads open and feast on the goo inside?" Professor "Yes I would, Kent."
"And in environmental news, scientists have announced that Springfield's air is now only dangerous to children and the elderly." -- Kent Brockman
"Another local peasant has been found dead, drained of his blood with two teeth marks on his throat. This black cape was found on the scene. [The cape says "DRACULA."] Police are baffled." -- Kent Brockman
"Hello, I'm Kent Brockman, and welcome to another edition of 'Smartline'. Are cartoons too violent for children? Most people would say 'No. Of course not. What kind of stupid question is that?' But one woman says 'yes'...Marge Simpson." -- Kent Brockman
"Ladies and gentlemen, uh, we've just lost the picture, but what we've seen speaks for itself. The Corvair spacecraft has apparently been taken over- 'conquered' if you will- by a master race of giant space ants. It's difficult to tell from this vantage point whether they will consume the captive Earthman or merely enslave them. One thing is for certain: there is no stopping them; the ants will soon be here. And I, for one, welcome our new insect overlords. I'd like to remind them as a trusted TV personality, I can be helpful in rounding up others to toil in their underground sugar caves." -- Kent Brockman
"Mankind has always dreamed of destroying the sun" -- Mr. Burns
Smithers "Sir, I'm afraid we have a bad image, people see you as a bit of an ogre." Mr.Burns "I ought to club them and eat their bones!"
"Oooh, so Mother Nature needs a favor?! Well maybe she should have thought of that when she was besetting us with droughts and floods and poison monkeys! Nature started the fight for survival, and now she wants to quit because she's losing. Well I say, hard cheese." -- Mr. Burns
"Ironic, isn't it Smithers? This anonymous clan of slack-jawed troglodytes has cost me the election, and yet if I were to have them killed, I would be the one to go to jail. That's democracy for you." -- Mr. Burns
"Oh your powers of deduction are exceptional. I simply can't allow you to waste them here when there are so many crimes going unsolved at this very moment. Go! Go for the good of the city!" -- Comic Book Guy
"Inspired by the most logical race in the galaxy, the Vulcans, breeding will be permitted once every seven years. For many of you this will mean much less breeding, for me, much much more." -- Comic Book Guy
(At the dentist's office) "Lisa, so you won't be scared, I'll show you some of the tools I'll be using. This is the scraper, this is the poker, and this happy little fellow is called the gouger. Now the first thing I'll be doing is chiseling some teeth out of your jawbone. Hold still while I gas you." -- A Dentist
"And as for your case, don't you worry. I've argued in front of every judge in the state. Sometimes as a lawyer." -- Lionel Hutz
"Well, he's kind of had it in for me, since I accidently ran over his dog. Actually, replace 'accidently' with 'repeatedly', and replace 'dog' with 'son'." -- Lionel Hutz
"An election!? That's one of those deals where they close the bars isn't it?" -- Barney Gumbel
"We need some more secret sauce. Put the mayonnaise in the sun." -- Manager at Krusty Burger
"Serving the customer is merriment enough for me. Thank you, come again. See? Most enjoyable." -- Apu Nahasapeemapetilon
"Attempted murder, really, what is that? Do they give a Nobel Prize for attempted chemistry?" -- Sideshow Bob
"I used to be With IT. But then they changed what IT was. Now what I'm with isn't IT, and what's IT seems scary and wierd. It'll happen to YOU." -- Abe Simpson
"I got a funny story about that. Well it's not so much funny as it is long." -- Abe Simpson
"Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls. Contrary to what you've just seen, war is neither glamorous nor fun. There are no winners, only losers. There are no good wars, with the following exceptions: The American Revolution, World War II, and the Star Wars Trilogy. If you'd like to learn more about war, there's lots of books in your local library, many of them with cool, gory pictures." -- Bart Simpson
"Aren't we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa." -- Bart Simpson
"I'm not calling you a liar but....I can't think of a way to finish that sentence." -- Bart Simpson
"Poachers are nature's way of keeping the balance. Whenever there are so many species that people get confused and angry a poacher is born." -- Homer Simpson
"Being eaten by crocodile is just like going to sleep...in a giant blender." -- Homer Simpson
"Marge, I agree with you -- in theory. In theory, communism works. In theory." -- Homer Simpson
"If you really want something in life you have to work for it. Now quiet, they're about to announce the lottery numbers." -- Homer Simpson
"I want to set the record straight: I thought the cop was a prostitute." -- Homer Simpson
"I'm not gonna lie to you, Marge." Pause. "Well, goodbye" -- Homer Simpson
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Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 370
Likes: 0
From: Ponte Vedra Beach
I love the Simpsons, I have a season pass on my Tivo for them and the seasons one and two DVD collection. My favorite one is where homer donates money to PBS and dosent pay and is sent to the Amazon for a misson trip. "Elmo knows where you live!"
