Do you have a worse joke than this?
Registered User
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 4,193
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From: Denton, Texas
[QUOTE]Originally posted by mjcohen
[B]Two elephants were in a bathtub. The first elephant says "pass the soap." The second elephant says "no soap, radio."
I haven't heard that one in about 45 years!
[B]Two elephants were in a bathtub. The first elephant says "pass the soap." The second elephant says "no soap, radio."
I haven't heard that one in about 45 years!
Registered User
Joined: May 2001
Posts: 142
Likes: 0
From: Brecksville
Benny, a Roman wrestler was the perpetual looser. Of the hundreds of matches he had wrestled in the colasium, he had never won one.
One day as he was shaving, he was fretting about loosing yet again and fearing that the Ceaser (who so far had been amused that anyone could go 0 and 372) would give him a thumbs down and spell his imediate and certain demise, he came up with the brialliant idea of slitting his own throat!
Pressing the straight razor to his throat he begins to draw it across his neck. As he feels the first drob of blood drip down his neck, he hears a Musical womans voice behind him. Startled, he drops the razor and turns around to see the most beutiful woman he has ever laid eyes upon.
"Benny" The woman said, "I am Athena, Goddes of Love. Don't do this horrable thing".
Benny, quickly explains to Athena how he is a wrestler and his demise at the Ceasars Leagioners is inevitable, and that it is better he died now, of his own hand than suffer the humilation of a public spectacle.
"I can chang that" Says Athena. "If you will just agree to never cut off your beard as long as you shall live, I can promise you will never suffer the humiliation of loosing again."
Benny quickly agreed to this, (It was a no brainer), and Athena came to him and kissed him on the forhead. Instantly, in that moment of magic, Benny became filled with confidance and was prepaired to wrestle.
"I must warn you Benny" said the most beutiful Goddess, "to remember to never cut off your beard, for if you do you shall be turned into a Greek Vase."
Benny heard her warning and as the Goddes faded befor his eyes, he said "I Promise M'Lady".
Benny went immediately to the ring and won his first match ever. The Ceaser being frustrated at this looser turned winner kept him in for four more matches, all of which Benny won.
For years Benny went to the ring, never once loosing. He headed the Goddeses warning and let the hair on his face grow. Is it got long, it became a conveniant weapon his opponants used against him, grabbing it and holding on until they were beatin into submission. He thought often of cutting it off, but kept the Goddeses words close.
Finally, after two decades of victory, being honoured and celibrated throughout the land as the finest wrestler Rome had ever seen he decided to retire.
After his very last match, he determined that he would now cut off the hair that grew on his face.
He had often thought about Athenas warningand had finally decided that it was a motivatore. A consiquence to cutting off his beard, which would be so dire that he would not consider breaking his pact.
But now, he was retiring, and he had no need to win any longer. He would cut off his beard and live the life of a honoured clean shaven Roman.
Putting the razor to his face, he began to cut. Nothing. He cut off more, still all was normal. He cut and cut, and just as he cut off the very last hair on his face he heard a great crackle in tha air be hind him. His ears were filled with the voice of Athen woefully calling his name. The room filled with smoke and then all grew quiet.
When the smoke cleared, in the room, befor the mirror was a beautifull six foot grecian vase with the likeness of Benny the wrestler in his finast moment glazed upon it's surface.
The moral of this story is ...
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A Benny shaved is a Benny Urned
One day as he was shaving, he was fretting about loosing yet again and fearing that the Ceaser (who so far had been amused that anyone could go 0 and 372) would give him a thumbs down and spell his imediate and certain demise, he came up with the brialliant idea of slitting his own throat!
Pressing the straight razor to his throat he begins to draw it across his neck. As he feels the first drob of blood drip down his neck, he hears a Musical womans voice behind him. Startled, he drops the razor and turns around to see the most beutiful woman he has ever laid eyes upon.
"Benny" The woman said, "I am Athena, Goddes of Love. Don't do this horrable thing".
Benny, quickly explains to Athena how he is a wrestler and his demise at the Ceasars Leagioners is inevitable, and that it is better he died now, of his own hand than suffer the humilation of a public spectacle.
"I can chang that" Says Athena. "If you will just agree to never cut off your beard as long as you shall live, I can promise you will never suffer the humiliation of loosing again."
Benny quickly agreed to this, (It was a no brainer), and Athena came to him and kissed him on the forhead. Instantly, in that moment of magic, Benny became filled with confidance and was prepaired to wrestle.
"I must warn you Benny" said the most beutiful Goddess, "to remember to never cut off your beard, for if you do you shall be turned into a Greek Vase."
Benny heard her warning and as the Goddes faded befor his eyes, he said "I Promise M'Lady".
Benny went immediately to the ring and won his first match ever. The Ceaser being frustrated at this looser turned winner kept him in for four more matches, all of which Benny won.
For years Benny went to the ring, never once loosing. He headed the Goddeses warning and let the hair on his face grow. Is it got long, it became a conveniant weapon his opponants used against him, grabbing it and holding on until they were beatin into submission. He thought often of cutting it off, but kept the Goddeses words close.
Finally, after two decades of victory, being honoured and celibrated throughout the land as the finest wrestler Rome had ever seen he decided to retire.
After his very last match, he determined that he would now cut off the hair that grew on his face.
He had often thought about Athenas warningand had finally decided that it was a motivatore. A consiquence to cutting off his beard, which would be so dire that he would not consider breaking his pact.
But now, he was retiring, and he had no need to win any longer. He would cut off his beard and live the life of a honoured clean shaven Roman.
Putting the razor to his face, he began to cut. Nothing. He cut off more, still all was normal. He cut and cut, and just as he cut off the very last hair on his face he heard a great crackle in tha air be hind him. His ears were filled with the voice of Athen woefully calling his name. The room filled with smoke and then all grew quiet.
When the smoke cleared, in the room, befor the mirror was a beautifull six foot grecian vase with the likeness of Benny the wrestler in his finast moment glazed upon it's surface.
The moral of this story is ...
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
A Benny shaved is a Benny Urned
Registered User
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 1,220
Likes: 0
From: Menlo Park, CA 4ever a
Originally posted by AusS2000
Ok, someone explain it to me. Is it a like the old 'Two nuns in the bath. "Were's the soap?". "Does, doesn't it!"' joke?
Ok, someone explain it to me. Is it a like the old 'Two nuns in the bath. "Were's the soap?". "Does, doesn't it!"' joke?
Just a way to make your friends feel stupid
Moderator
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 30,809
Likes: 15
From: Sydney
A new contender:
A young couple were making passionate love in the guy's van
(you know, shag carpets, big double mattress in the back
... all that) when suddenly the girl, being a bit on the kinky
side, yells out "Oh big boy, whip me, whip me!"
The guy, not wanting to pass up this unique opportunity, obviously
did not have any whips to hand, but in a flash of inspiration, he
opens the window, snaps the aerial off his van and proceeds to whip the girl
until they both collapse in sadomasochistic ecstasy.
About a week later, the girl notices that the marks left by the
whipping session are starting to fester a bit so she goes to the doctor.
The doctor takes one look at the wounds and asks, "Did you get these
marks having sex?"
The girl is a little embarrassed but admits that, yes, she did.
Nodding his head knowingly the doctor exclaims, "I thought so,
because in all my years of doctoring............
"You've got the worst case of van aerial disease that I've ever seen."
A young couple were making passionate love in the guy's van
(you know, shag carpets, big double mattress in the back
... all that) when suddenly the girl, being a bit on the kinky
side, yells out "Oh big boy, whip me, whip me!"
The guy, not wanting to pass up this unique opportunity, obviously
did not have any whips to hand, but in a flash of inspiration, he
opens the window, snaps the aerial off his van and proceeds to whip the girl
until they both collapse in sadomasochistic ecstasy.
About a week later, the girl notices that the marks left by the
whipping session are starting to fester a bit so she goes to the doctor.
The doctor takes one look at the wounds and asks, "Did you get these
marks having sex?"
The girl is a little embarrassed but admits that, yes, she did.
Nodding his head knowingly the doctor exclaims, "I thought so,
because in all my years of doctoring............
"You've got the worst case of van aerial disease that I've ever seen."