what i don't get is that these days, there is so much spousal one-up-manship that goes on in relationships.

"you went out tuesday, so i'm going out friday"

NO. the person should go out friday night REGARDLESS of whether or not their spouse went out on tuesday.

and the other thing....there are so many lop-sided relationships these days in terms of one of the persons wanting to spend every dying second with their spouse.

and as others have mentioned, my wife is also my best friend, but i don't want to spend every living second with her...nor she with me.

and we're both PERFECTLY ok with that.....scratch that.....rather, we PREFER that.

 

[QUOTE=PLYRS 3,Feb 16 2007, 09:00 AM] what i don't get is that these days, there is so much spousal one-up-manship that goes on in relationships.

"you went out tuesday, so i'm going out friday"

NO.

 

This usually happens when either one spouse is excessively

 

Sounds to me like the proposal of a "new style marriage" is to live as if you were dating.

Why not just date?

I'm with PLYRS 3 - my wife is my best friend but that doesn't mean we need to be with each other 24/7. She has her friends, I have mine, and a few of them are mutual. She's going out tonight and I'm staying home with our daughter. I'll probably go to Florida in a few weeks and buy a car while she stays home. I occasionally head up to Dallas for a weekend with friends to golf. She occasionally takes off to California or Arizona (by herself) to visit family and friends.

We're partners, not co-joined twins!

 

I think one of the keys to a successful marriage IS that sentiment - a partnership, not a "OMG WE CAN'T SEPARATE EVER FOR FEAR OF DEATH!" mentality.

To each their own, but when I marry, I fully intend to take trips to visit friends by myself, take weekend to visit families by myself, go shopping alone, go out with my friends alone and generally keep some sense of independence.

Not to say that my husband won't join me on some of those trips - but I don't feel the need, nor do I have the want for whoever he is to be around 24/7 and for me to never do another thing alone ever again - I just don't think it's healthy.

(disclaimer: completely my opinion and if you feel that being around your sig other/spouse 24/7 is what you need to be happy, go for it )

 

Divorced people are also usually repeat offenders, so the numbers are a bit skewed when the same person gets counted two or three times for divorce throughout his/her life while a married person only gets counted once.

 

I read about the idea of couples maintaining separate residences awhile back (maybe in Macleans mag?). Coming from someone who was recently married and is not currently living with her hubby because of immigration issues, that kind of situation is NOT for me. In fact, it's extremely difficult.

On the other hand, if it works for others, who am I to judge? It would be interesting to know how many relationships last simply because they are living apart and not together. If that's the key to a happy, healthy relationship for certain couples, I say great. On the other hand, if children are involved, I'm inclined to think it's not beneficial for the children.

 

hey man, i'm happy to judge.

and i say they're fuking morons.

 

Heres an idea, DONT GET MARRIED!!


no just playing, I agree with NFR all the way back up at the top, people marry becuase they thinks it's what htey are suppose to do. Everyone thinks that their relationship will be the same as it is the first year, well my friends I'm here to tell you nope, it takes some work after that

 

Only in America is "interdependence" a four-letter word.