I thought about going on "Dr. Phil" with this, but realized I'd get better and quicker results here!

I am dating a fantastic woman, she is one in a million and I hope to make this one last forever. We've been together about 8 months now. The problem is with another female friend of mine whom I've known for about 8 years. This older friend (who is actually a much younger woman than my 31-year-old girlfriend) has recently become a bone of contention in my relationship with my girlfriend. The older friend has always been there for me, and I for her. We've helped each other and supported each other whenever it was needed, and though there was a time I was sexually interested in her, I don't feel that way anymore. In fact she is in a very happy relationship of her own. My new girlfriend (of 8 months) wants me to end my friendship with this other woman, because she doesn't trust her, I refuse to give up an older friendship simply because my current gf thinks I should. My girlfriend has stopped talking to me, and indeed this may be the end of my current relationship if I don't decide to stop being friends with the other, older friend. What would you guys (and gals) do?

 

Your current girlfriend doesn't trust YOU.

No trust = no relationship. Time to move on.

 

Its YOU that she doesn't trust, not your friend. My advice, dump her and move on.

 

djohnston,

I have been through a somewhat similar situation before, and wholeheartedly agree with the others. If it comes to it, end the relationship with your current girlfriend...her mistrust toward you and and your friend is likely only the tip of the iceberg. That's how controlling starts in a relationship.

On a personal note, I can't stand crap like that. You choose who your friends are, not your girlfriend. She sounds like she's either jealous or insecure, probably both. You shouldn't have to terminate a good, proven friendship because of that...why throw away your own happiness just because someone else is insecure? You've done nothing wrong, and now's the time for you to have a take-it-or-leave-it attitude.

 

Well, while I agree that trust is very important, is there anything that you are leaving out that might make her a little untrusting of you or the other friend. Some women just need some time to build trust and perhaps this is the case. If it was me in that position and I had done nothing to warrant this suspicion I would lay low on the friendship for a little while and slowly get her comfortable with the idea. Maybe even go out together all 4 of you so she can get used to your friend as well. You know the old saying, keep your friends close and your enemies even closer. Perhaps she'd feel more comfortable if she got to know your friend. BTW, I'd leave out the part about you at one time being sexually attracted to her...it's been my experience that that kind of information comes back to bite you in the ass, even if not immediately

 

You guys are crazy. What do you think the odds are of finding a women who would be OK with this? Slim to none.

How would you feel if you dream girl had a guy for a friend, and she was once sexually interested in him? And now, she says they are just friends .. ? You'd tell her to stay away from that guy, or stay away from you.

Guys and girls can never be friends IMO. Someone is always thinking about sex/love (guy/girl). It just isn't safe ground.

If you are looking for a life long soul mate, you should be willing to give up other releationships with the opposite sex.

If you want this girl to remain your friend, and you are looking for a soul mate, you need to dump the GF and go for her.

 

I agree. Sounds like she doesn't trust you. You should have control over your life and who you hang around with, not her.

 

I know exactly what you are talking about. Simply "Dumping" your girl is a lot easier said then done. I doubt you want to end an eight month relationship just like that. you need to sit her down and ask her to SPECIFICALLY tell you why she doesnt trust her. i mean she needs to tell you, situations ( ex. .... when you were at the coffee shop with me......and she touched your thigh....). just wondering. does she have any reason not to trust you. have you ever cheated on her (and her find out). first you need to this, and we'll take it from their. if she just says ..."i just dont trust her"... then shes immature and she might need to grow up!
hope this helps, keep me posted



rashel

 

sounds like you are in quite a conundrum...bros befo' hoes...

 

Try telling her to stop hanging out with one of her friends and see what happens. Bitches like that are all just an one way street. They want you to do for them but they won't do for you. My supposed "soulmate" started hanging around some slut ass hoe, that I had past problems with, and her friends, I asked her to stop hanging out with them... I get a nice FU Don't tell me what to do act. Now I have no more "soulmate", she choose her little friends instead of me.