u dont want to have to deal with this hun...first its this girl, then its a male friend....dont throw away a 8 year relationship for an 8 month thing in which the girl is not confident in obviously.

Women are strange and alot of men do things for women to take issues like female best friends as bad things...But the women need to look at the past situations as learning experiences and understand that not every man is like that 1 bad idiot they dated way back when.

I say get out of that before she takes over your entire life

 

[QUOTE]Originally posted by Relson
[B]You guys are crazy.

 

Exact same thing happened to me, except I did what my gf said and I regret it ever since. Things DON'T get better after this, and an issue of trust will always linger in your relationship.

If I did it all over again, I'd stick up for myself. Dispite what your gf says, you CAN be buddies with someone from the opposite sex.

I had a friend I lived with for 6 months and she moved to San Diego. I went and saw her over New Years of 2002. Met my gf a year ago and to this day, she still thinks we slept together when I was out in San Diego. We weren't even dating, so there are underlying problems.

Tell her that you're going to be friends with her and if she doesn't like it, tell her she needs to learn how to trust people!!!

 

BTW - It really wasn't about trust, it was about who was putting the other first. That's how it was in my case...

"Oh, so you'd put her infront of your girlfriend???"

 

Men and women CAN make great friends. Whether it ACTUALLY HAPPENS or not depends entirely on the individuals involved. I have many female friends that I have known for a long time, am very close to, have lived with, and have never had sexual relations with. I've also only had two girlfriends, ever...the first one I was with for 2.5 years or so, and I've been with my current girlfriend for about 5 years. Early on, in both these relationships, I have had to deal with similar insecurities as djohnston. Standing my ground and facing them head-on, rather than giving in to the demands that will only fuel the insecurities, results in a healthier, more understanding relationship, IMO. I will never go out with someone who tries to dictate my friends and my life.

 

i think it is possible that your gf doesn't trust your female friend...i've been in a similar situation.

my ex-bf hung out with this girl a lot in college. when i was dating him (we were about 2 years out of college), i could NOT stand her. she gave me reasons not to like her. for example, when we hung out in a group, she would ALWAYS be vying for his attention. at parties, she always asked him to hold her car keys and whatnot for her even though she had other single guy friends at the party. there were times that when we were at a bar and i was talking to my bf, she would jump in and interrupt our conversation. she would ask him to go over her house and hang out in her room...alone. he also had another good female friend who i didn't have any problems with.

maybe your gf has had these issues/problems in the past and that's why she feels this way??

my current bf has a really good female friend also. they've known each other since they were in high school and she was always there for him. they hang out sometimes and i have no problems with her. i respect their friendship.

so i think every situation is unique.

 

Talk with your GF. Find out why she's threatened by your friend. And the suggestion that the three of you do something together, should be fine, if your friend is just that- and might go a long way towards making your gf feel better about your relationship about your friend. And cykogirl is of course right when she points out that every sitch is unique
It's so easy to give good advice- why the heck can't I figure stuff like this out when it's my problem?

 

Thanks all of you for the valuable advice, I swear this is the best, most well-rounded bunch of people on any BB anywhere.
My gf feels threatened because once, in the past, I referred to my other friend as "hot" because she had just lost a HUGE amount of weight (went from 170 to 115) and so indeed after the weight loss, she looked hot. And my other friend likes to come to me for advice, for some reason I am a good sounding board for her, I somehow always manage to say the right thing when she is feeling down or having trouble with her current boyfriend. But that's it, there is no lust between me and my old friend, we just have the kind of bond that 8 years brings to a friendship. Oh and she loves driving my S! She is a fantastic driver, from a family of motor-heads, and she just bought a Mustang GT (five speed) though I'll forgive her for that...

And I have to disagree with those of you who think men and women can't be close friends without boiking each other. She and I have had 8 years to hop in bed, and we never did, now we have a brother/sister type of friendship, only without the fighting! But my gf thinks my other friend wants to jump me, and no amount of persuasion from me has managed to convince her otherwise. My gf bristles at the mention of my other friend's name, I really hope this doesn't break us up, but I won't give up a friendship of 8 years because my current woman is insecure.

 

well hun, i think you answered your own question.
get on with your life before 2 or 3 years have passed and your wondering, "why the hell didnt i leave her 2 years ago?" because before you know it, it will be hard to leave and shell be controlling your life, kinda like a bad habit.

rashel

 

Well, I'll chime in my two cents worth.

When I was in high school, my best friend was a girl. We never dated, never expressed an interest outside of being buddies, never did anything except be good friends. We could talk about anything, say pretty much anything, and generally just got along really well.

After about a year into my relationship with the girl that ended up being my wife, she mentioned ("casually") that I seemed to talk alot about my female friend from high school (I was, by this time, nearly three years into university). Sensing that she didn't really like the idea of me knowing another girl so well, I VOLUNTEERED to give up my relationship with my other female friend.

Call me crazy, but here's my thinking. The girl I was dating was the one I knew I would marry (and I turned out to be right). Any girl I know I'll marry is WAY more important than a friend. If she isn't, there's a problem.

So yeah, I volunteered to give up my other friend. You know what? It turned out okay, because my willingness to give up something for her made her realize that she was indeed more important to me than anyone else.

My wife knows that I like this other girl a lot, in that we're very good friends. However, she has also met this other girl and realized that a) she's not interested in me as anything other than a buddy, b) she's not as goodlooking as my wife c) she's not as smart as my wife, d) she's now married herself. All in all, it's turned out pretty well.

My advice would be this. Ask your gf, first of all, why she doesn't want this girl around you - it just lets you know where she's coming from. Secondly, if your gf means so much to you and you think this could be permanent, definitely GIVE UP your friend. If your friend is such a good friend, I believe she'll be willing to "let you go" for a while so that you can clear things up with your gf. Chances are your gf will come around after a while and give you some slack.

Women are, by nature, both competitive and oftimes paranoid with other women (with good reason!). They need reassurance in many ways. It's rarely permanent (for each instance) and it's often over as quickly as it starts. Give your gf some time, try and work with her, and then later on work things out with your friend.

Anyone that says "leave her now" because she needs some reassurance or requires you to do something to help settle her has, in my humble opinion, their priorities mixed up. A person you feel strongly enough about to use the word "forever" in describing your aspirations for the relationship is someone that is worth holding onto at almost any cost.

Still, I think this can be settled amicably if you talk with your friend and your gf. Let your friend know what's going on, ask for her patience and assistance in not complicating the issue, and then see what you can work out with your gf.