cyber_x: I concur with some of what you say, but your line "Until I explicitly give my significant other reason for concern, they've got no right to tell me sh*t" is, in my mind, unfathomable. You just completely refuted what you said prior to that.

What if your significant other just has a weakness in how they perceive you or things you do or people you hang out with? Without "reason for concern" (in your eyes), they may still be concerned just because that's how they are. How do you take that into perspective if you personally don't see said reason for concern?

As you said, each person DOES feel differently about various situations. What you consider "reason for concern" is probably not the same as your significant other. If the two don't coincide, it seems to me like you're in a conundrum (based on your statement).

No flame intended, just wondering how you can match what you said first to what you said last...

 

JonBoy:

In the beginning of my post, I basically say that given a situation, two people are liable to feel differently toward it. At the end of my post, I say how *I* personally feel about this situation. I don't say anything at all about how my girlfriend feels. I don't see how this refutes myself.

The context of this is that meZoom! believes she would be concerned if her boyfriend hangs out with lots of girls. Based on *her* feelings, she concludes that perhaps her boyfriend would feel the same way about her hanging out with lots of guys. That's a logical jump that may or may not be true. She can't necessarily extrapolate her boyfriend's feelings on the matter based on her own feelings.

Now, back to my statement. In the beginning, I make a general statement that two people can feel differently on the same topic. At the end, I say that my girlfriend has no right to tell me who I can and can't hang out with. That's only my own feeling. It's entirely possible that my girlfriend feels otherwise - she certainly did at one point in the past. And you're absolutely right..."reason for concern" to my girlfriend could very well differ from "reason for concern" in my eyes. I never said that we have the same definition for "reason for concern".

So, if it makes the meaning more clear, then I will say that until I explicitly give my significant other reason for concern, as defined from my perspective, then I don't feel that she has any right to tell me shit about who to hang out with. Others may feel differently, and that's fine and dandy, because it's a personal decision. Trust me, I know I'm taking an unpopular stance on this. People I know give me shit for it all the time. But I couldn't care less, that's just me. The bottom line is, I will hang out with who I want to hang out with, and my girlfriend isn't going to tell me otherwise...I won't change, so it's take it or leave it.

Btw, my impression is that you're not the type to flame, so no need to disclaim your post.

 

It all comes down to trust. I was mistaken when I originally stated that my gf wanted me to end my friendship with my other female friend of eight years. She merely wanted me to "amend" the way I converse with her because my gf wasn't comfortable with extremely personal discussions taking place between my older friend and me. Had my gf actually wanted me to end that friendship ( it's not my fault for misunderstanding because my gf didn't make herself clear at first!), then I would have had to make a stand and say something like "accept me as I am, with the friends I have, or don't accept me at all."

If there is complete trust in any relationship, then the male won't worry about the female being with her male friends, or vice versa. Either a person cheats, or they don't, there's usually no middle ground. My last gf turned out to have a history of cheating, which I found out about all too late. Live and learn, and if necessary, move on.

 

cyber_x: Ahhh...now it makes sense. Thanks for the clarification - I was obviously assuming that your personal feelings about your relationship were (supposedly) in agreement with what you said in general about a relationship.

I don't quite agree with what you said at the end again (about you having to give reason for concern from your perspective), but to each their own. Thanks again - appreciate it.

P.S. Sometimes I do flame because of someone's perceived stupidity, other times I'm just having a bad day, but I do TRY to keep things civil. Catch me on a bad day and I'm sure you'll change your mind about my approach.

 

I'd be concerned about any potential mate who tries to dictate who my friends are. Where would it end? I have close male friends I've had for years and giving them up would be a non starter. As with every issue, communication is the key. You communicated in a very smart way and got the results you wanted. Congratulations!!

 

EXUSEEEE ME But girls and guys can be friends! WHAT ABOUT GAYS!!!! C'mon oh and by the way, get both girls in the same room and talk. That's my advice coming from an 18 year old going to be college student.

 

Real girlfriends don't make guys choose...

 

[QUOTE]Originally posted by djohnston
[B] my older friend thinks I "caved' on this one, but indeed if I did, it's worth it to make my woman happy.