lol that's not defensive i put the little smiling rolleyes guy

 

guys, if this thread was so stupid, why is it this long?

elistan, i couldn't tell. was that meant to be condescending?

My point is this. We, as humans, get used to things and people. she certainly dont appreciate them as much as if we didn't constantly have them or when we first met them. esp in the case of women, they pine after you and will do things to get a man's attention. but once he is hers, she loses interest or at least motivation to treat him well. like a cat who likes to grab at the string dangling just beyond its reach. men are like this too, but to a lesser degree imo. don't you "value" or want the girl more when there is a chance you could lose her?

im not saying this a solution for life. but it's something to think about because the way things are going now, people grow up, get married, get tired of each other, learn to hate each other and suffer. add kids and the suffering compounds. not in all case. but MANY.

I think Tim had the best idea so far.

if you DID get to drive a ferrari once in awhile, i think you would be much more satisfied and objective about whatever "normal" car you drove daily.

 

Not at all, it was a serious answer to your initial post. Let me quote what I said:

I'm by no means a relationship counselor, but based on my personal experiences with relationships, and various relationships that friends and family have had that I know of, I think your theory of the source of relationship troubles doesn't reflect reality for most people.

(ps - if you're wondering, in particular, if the "typical anti-consumerism" comment was meant to be condescending, no it wasn't. It was meant to be a statement of fact about the background of where you're coming from. No judgement on that was intended.)

 

amen.

i know this is stupid but whenever i found out my girl was "talking" to another guy it for some reason made me want her more. then it lead to us having grrrrrreat sex..
jealousy overwhelmed with sexual gratification was a wonderful thing.

 

i can agree with u, elistan. however, it just seems so nearly impossible sometimes to meet the "right" person. sometimes, people have to make do with the mismatch they have. but i wish things were always like you put it.

it's funny, since there are a bunch of guys here that say they would get jealous if their girl saw another guy. they dont seem to realize that they strong feelings is double edged and not completely negative.

 

I agree, very difficult. I'm amazed that I've found somebody who fits me so well, to be honest.

I suppose another way to phrase the question would be - "Assuming you could not meet your soul-mate, and therefore had to settle for somebody who you have issues with, what could be done to ensure that the relationship is successful?" Since, in my opinion, the issue isn't jealousy, I don't see the open relationship deal being a solution.

But perhaps the two-years-at-a-time approach would work. Have your fun together while the chemistry is hot, then move on before things get too bad. Then again, the issue with that is when a child is introducted to the equation and needs 18 years of support.

 

there's also the "feeling cornered" factor. where each person feel stuck with the other. sometimes, most of the time, just the possibility and freedom to walk away assuages the jitters.

 

Are you ready for a serious, mature, relationship?

 

What makes you think that a "serious mature relationship" has to take one particular form? There are lots of different types out there. For some, traditional monogamy satisfies their needs, for others it does not. And there are all sorts of great sex that doesn't conform to the traditional monogamous pattern. Open relationships, swinging, threesomes, foursomes, homo, hetero or bisexuality, etc offer a degree of satisfying options for people whose tastes and needs may differ from your own. I don't see how these lifestyle choices have to conform to your definition of "serious and mature", and if they don't, why should "serious and mature" be the necessary criteria for fulfillment?

Frankly, while some people on this thread seem appalled by the concept of open relationships or any other relationship pattern than monogamy, I am reminded of a definition that I heard of the Moral Majority -- " the fear that somewhere, somehow, some people may be enjoying themselves." Human nature has endless variations, and if someone has great sex when his girlfriend is flirting with someone else, more power to him. My advice to him would be to try a threesome if he wants to experience more of the same.

Zeiss

 

You must be a swinger?