open relationships
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Kurtis,
It is hard to tell whether this is going to be a good thing or a bad thing. Probably, in the long run, a good thing, no matter how it turns out. Sometimes a break like this can be for the very reason that you have pointed out -- you just want to sow some wild oats before settling down in marriage. But sometimes, it is just the way that one partner eases out of a relationship that is not meant to be permanent. Either way, it is probably for the best -- you dont want to be married and then find out that your now wife has changed her mind. Better to get this experience or end the relationship beforehand. You and your girlfriend might want to investigate other options, such as swinging, if the object is just to have other experiences. That way, you are doing your exploring together. And these experiences dont have to end with marriage, if it turns out that this works for you.
I think that people burden sex with WAY too much significance. It is just fun, and if you and your girlfriend are taking proper precautions re: STDs, then there doesnt have to be any harm in exploring other sexual options. Dont be burdened by conventional morality. You have to decide what works for you, whether that be monogamy, an open relationship, swinging, or whatever.
Good luck to you in your journey. There might be some interesting self-discovery along the way.
Zeiss
It is hard to tell whether this is going to be a good thing or a bad thing. Probably, in the long run, a good thing, no matter how it turns out. Sometimes a break like this can be for the very reason that you have pointed out -- you just want to sow some wild oats before settling down in marriage. But sometimes, it is just the way that one partner eases out of a relationship that is not meant to be permanent. Either way, it is probably for the best -- you dont want to be married and then find out that your now wife has changed her mind. Better to get this experience or end the relationship beforehand. You and your girlfriend might want to investigate other options, such as swinging, if the object is just to have other experiences. That way, you are doing your exploring together. And these experiences dont have to end with marriage, if it turns out that this works for you.
I think that people burden sex with WAY too much significance. It is just fun, and if you and your girlfriend are taking proper precautions re: STDs, then there doesnt have to be any harm in exploring other sexual options. Dont be burdened by conventional morality. You have to decide what works for you, whether that be monogamy, an open relationship, swinging, or whatever.
Good luck to you in your journey. There might be some interesting self-discovery along the way.
Zeiss
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Joined: Apr 2005
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From: Huntsville
Originally Posted by zeiss,Dec 24 2007, 05:54 AM
I think that people burden sex with WAY too much significance. It is just fun, and if you and your girlfriend are taking proper precautions re: STDs, then there doesnt have to be any harm in exploring other sexual options. Dont be burdened by conventional morality. You have to decide what works for you, whether that be monogamy, an open relationship, swinging, or whatever.
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From: SJC
Originally Posted by zeiss,Dec 24 2007, 09:14 AM
Hey guys, nobody is compelling you to read it. But thanks for your original and thoughtful point of view.
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Originally Posted by zeiss,Dec 24 2007, 05:54 AM
Kurtis,
It is hard to tell whether this is going to be a good thing or a bad thing. Probably, in the long run, a good thing, no matter how it turns out. Sometimes a break like this can be for the very reason that you have pointed out -- you just want to sow some wild oats before settling down in marriage. But sometimes, it is just the way that one partner eases out of a relationship that is not meant to be permanent. Either way, it is probably for the best -- you dont want to be married and then find out that your now wife has changed her mind. Better to get this experience or end the relationship beforehand. You and your girlfriend might want to investigate other options, such as swinging, if the object is just to have other experiences. That way, you are doing your exploring together. And these experiences dont have to end with marriage, if it turns out that this works for you.
I think that people burden sex with WAY too much significance. It is just fun, and if you and your girlfriend are taking proper precautions re: STDs, then there doesnt have to be any harm in exploring other sexual options. Dont be burdened by conventional morality. You have to decide what works for you, whether that be monogamy, an open relationship, swinging, or whatever.
Good luck to you in your journey. There might be some interesting self-discovery along the way.
Zeiss
It is hard to tell whether this is going to be a good thing or a bad thing. Probably, in the long run, a good thing, no matter how it turns out. Sometimes a break like this can be for the very reason that you have pointed out -- you just want to sow some wild oats before settling down in marriage. But sometimes, it is just the way that one partner eases out of a relationship that is not meant to be permanent. Either way, it is probably for the best -- you dont want to be married and then find out that your now wife has changed her mind. Better to get this experience or end the relationship beforehand. You and your girlfriend might want to investigate other options, such as swinging, if the object is just to have other experiences. That way, you are doing your exploring together. And these experiences dont have to end with marriage, if it turns out that this works for you.
I think that people burden sex with WAY too much significance. It is just fun, and if you and your girlfriend are taking proper precautions re: STDs, then there doesnt have to be any harm in exploring other sexual options. Dont be burdened by conventional morality. You have to decide what works for you, whether that be monogamy, an open relationship, swinging, or whatever.
Good luck to you in your journey. There might be some interesting self-discovery along the way.
Zeiss
i know whatever happens...happens. and im ready to accept that and if i have to..move on with my life. so be it. i know one thing that gets me is hey what if she finds a dude that can do whatever i think im doing right...better. i guess im sorta insecure, who knows. i want to be the best thing shes had since sliced cheese but i know there are way better lovers out there then me. i just dont want her to find them.
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Kurtis,
You may be surprised to find that this actually increases your confidence in yourself as a lover. Find someone else who is good at voicing what her needs are in bed and learn to fill those needs (no pun intended). You'll pick up some new moves, and in general become much more relaxed and confident about yourself. There isn't any particular magic to being a good lover beyond paying attention to what pleases your partner and doing it. Experiment and have a good time. That's all there is to it. It isn't complicated, and you will be the best thing she's had since sliced cheese. Just have fun.
Zeiss
You may be surprised to find that this actually increases your confidence in yourself as a lover. Find someone else who is good at voicing what her needs are in bed and learn to fill those needs (no pun intended). You'll pick up some new moves, and in general become much more relaxed and confident about yourself. There isn't any particular magic to being a good lover beyond paying attention to what pleases your partner and doing it. Experiment and have a good time. That's all there is to it. It isn't complicated, and you will be the best thing she's had since sliced cheese. Just have fun.
Zeiss
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Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 10,158
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my experience.
from my experience, in an "open relationship," there is a mutual agreement in the beginning that there will be no exclusivity unless both partners were to agree upon it. but then eventually one person gets more attached than the other and you end up with hurt feelings. i'm currently in this situation and although it's not bothering me too much right now, i feel like in the next few weeks there's going to be some drama. it was a lot of fun hanging out and hooking up and what not when she wasn't attached but now i think she's starting to go against our agreement with public (facebook) displays of our relationship, pet names, and jealousy towards my other female friends, two of whom i'm somewhat involved with as well. the attachment and possessivenes she's expressing isn't fair to me, but i don't know how to break all of this to her. i'd feel horrible because i know that given her past experiences, she would take it VERY hard. and we do connect very well, although i don't feel very romantically attached to her.
open relationships ftw if the other person doesn't cross the lines.
from my experience, in an "open relationship," there is a mutual agreement in the beginning that there will be no exclusivity unless both partners were to agree upon it. but then eventually one person gets more attached than the other and you end up with hurt feelings. i'm currently in this situation and although it's not bothering me too much right now, i feel like in the next few weeks there's going to be some drama. it was a lot of fun hanging out and hooking up and what not when she wasn't attached but now i think she's starting to go against our agreement with public (facebook) displays of our relationship, pet names, and jealousy towards my other female friends, two of whom i'm somewhat involved with as well. the attachment and possessivenes she's expressing isn't fair to me, but i don't know how to break all of this to her. i'd feel horrible because i know that given her past experiences, she would take it VERY hard. and we do connect very well, although i don't feel very romantically attached to her.
open relationships ftw if the other person doesn't cross the lines.
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Jeez, Nightcrawler, that's terrible. Of course, this problem isn't due to the open relationship, but to airing your problems on Facebook, which could be happening in a monogamous relationship. It is one thing to have a relationship of a certain kind (monogamous or otherwise). It is another thing altogether to publish information about it with explicit details on a website. So I can imagine how you must feel about this. Is she naming names, or at least using a pseudonym for you?
Zeiss
Zeiss