Pooping at work...disgusting
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Joined: Jun 2001
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From: Wheeler Army Airfield, HI
Originally posted by tokyo_james
I think this is weird that people can't go when others are around ..... I think it is the sign of a very strange upbringing ..... if you need to go, go, what does it matter if others can hear you ??? everyone is doing the same thing in there .... apart from realthing obviously
I think this is weird that people can't go when others are around ..... I think it is the sign of a very strange upbringing ..... if you need to go, go, what does it matter if others can hear you ??? everyone is doing the same thing in there .... apart from realthing obviously
BTW - Hate to burst your bubble, but in case you thought otherwise........girls poop too.
Banned
Joined: Oct 2001
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From: Calgary
I know a couple of girls that, if they have the right combination of food (chili, bananas, broccolli, you name it) they can make some NASTY smells emanate from washrooms when they open the door. Welcome to real life 
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Joined: Jun 2002
Posts: 849
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From: Sherwood
I don't mind popping in public places, but i do feel quite uncomfortable, especially when i have the runs. You've got to what you gotta do.
But there is one thing I really hate about using the stalls. It's when people peak through the gap between the door and wall. What are they look for?! Never understood why people can't go to the side and check.
But there is one thing I really hate about using the stalls. It's when people peak through the gap between the door and wall. What are they look for?! Never understood why people can't go to the side and check.
Registered User
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 743
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From: Boston
Looks like you need this my friend!
Survival Guide for Taking a Dump at Work
Memorize these definitions, and pooping at work will
become a pure
pleasure.
ASTAIRE
A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential TURD
BURGLARS that
you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt
that the stall is
occupied. If you hear an ASTAIRE, leave the bathroom
immediately
so the pooper can poop in peace.
CAMO-COUGH
A phony cough which alerts all new entrants into the
bathroom that
you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a
WATERMELON or
to alert potential TURD BURGLARS. Very effective when
used in
conjunction with an ASTAIRE.
COURTESY FLUSH
The act of flushing the toilet the instant the nose cone
of the poop log
hits the water and the poop is whisked away to an
undisclosed
location. This reduces the amount of air time the poop
has to stink
up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught
doing the
WALK OF SHAME.
CRACK WHORE
A crapper that has seen more ass than a Greyhound Bus.
Telltale
signs of a CRACK WHORE include pubes, piss stains and
shit
streaks. Avoid a CRACK WHORE at all cost. Try finding
out when
the janitor cleans each particular bathroom. Don't
forget with a good
cleaning, a CRACK WHORE can become a SAFE HAVEN.
ESCAPEE
A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal
or forcing poop in
a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of
panic and
embarrassment, similar to the hot flash you receive when
passing an
unseen police car and speeding. If you release an
escapee, do not
acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are
standing next to
the farter at the urinal, pretend that you did not hear
it. No one likes
an escapee; it is uncomfortable for all involved. Making
a joke or
laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.
FLY BY
The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk
in, check
for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom,
leave and come
back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER.
People
may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going
into the
bathroom.
HAVANA OMELET
A load of diarrhea that creates a series of loud
splashes in the toilet
water. Often accompanied by an ESCAPEE. Try using a
CAMO-COUGH with an ASTAIRE.
JAILBREAK (Used in conjunction with ESCAPEE)
When forcing poop, several farts slip out at a
machine-gun pace. This
is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If
this should
happen, do not panic; remain in the stall until everyone
has left the
bathroom so to spare everyone the awkwardness of what
just
occurred.
OUT-OF-THE-CLOSET POOPER
A colleague who poops at work and is damn proud of it.
You will
often see an OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER enter the bathroom
with a newspaper or magazine under their arm. Always
look around
the office for the OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER before
entering the
bathroom.
POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (PFN)
A group of coworkers who band together to ensure
emergency
pooping goes off without incident. This group can help
you to monitor
the whereabouts of OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPERS and
identify
SAFE HAVENS.
SAFE HAVEN
A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where
you can
least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly
of the opposite
sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex
entering the
bathroom.
TURD BURGLAR
A pooper who does not realize that you are in the stall
and tries to
force the door open. This is one of the most shocking
and vulnerable
moments that occur when taking a dump at work. If this
occurs,
remain in the stall until the TURD BURGLAR leaves. This
way you
will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.
UNCLE TED
A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever.
Could spend
extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or
sitting on the pot. An
UNCLE TED makes it difficult to relax while on the
crapper, as you
should always wait to drop your load when the bathroom
is empty.
This benefits you as well as the other bathroom
attendees.
WALK OF SHAME
Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after
you have just
stunk-up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable
moment if
someone walks in and busts you. As with all farts, it is
best to
pretend that the smell does not exist. Can be avoided
with the use of
a COURTESY FLUSH.
WATERMELON
A turd that creates a loud splash when hitting the
toilet water. This is
also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a WAERMELON
coming
on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH
Survival Guide for Taking a Dump at Work
Memorize these definitions, and pooping at work will
become a pure
pleasure.
ASTAIRE
A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential TURD
BURGLARS that
you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt
that the stall is
occupied. If you hear an ASTAIRE, leave the bathroom
immediately
so the pooper can poop in peace.
CAMO-COUGH
A phony cough which alerts all new entrants into the
bathroom that
you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a
WATERMELON or
to alert potential TURD BURGLARS. Very effective when
used in
conjunction with an ASTAIRE.
COURTESY FLUSH
The act of flushing the toilet the instant the nose cone
of the poop log
hits the water and the poop is whisked away to an
undisclosed
location. This reduces the amount of air time the poop
has to stink
up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught
doing the
WALK OF SHAME.
CRACK WHORE
A crapper that has seen more ass than a Greyhound Bus.
Telltale
signs of a CRACK WHORE include pubes, piss stains and
shit
streaks. Avoid a CRACK WHORE at all cost. Try finding
out when
the janitor cleans each particular bathroom. Don't
forget with a good
cleaning, a CRACK WHORE can become a SAFE HAVEN.
ESCAPEE
A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal
or forcing poop in
a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of
panic and
embarrassment, similar to the hot flash you receive when
passing an
unseen police car and speeding. If you release an
escapee, do not
acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are
standing next to
the farter at the urinal, pretend that you did not hear
it. No one likes
an escapee; it is uncomfortable for all involved. Making
a joke or
laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.
FLY BY
The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk
in, check
for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom,
leave and come
back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER.
People
may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going
into the
bathroom.
HAVANA OMELET
A load of diarrhea that creates a series of loud
splashes in the toilet
water. Often accompanied by an ESCAPEE. Try using a
CAMO-COUGH with an ASTAIRE.
JAILBREAK (Used in conjunction with ESCAPEE)
When forcing poop, several farts slip out at a
machine-gun pace. This
is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If
this should
happen, do not panic; remain in the stall until everyone
has left the
bathroom so to spare everyone the awkwardness of what
just
occurred.
OUT-OF-THE-CLOSET POOPER
A colleague who poops at work and is damn proud of it.
You will
often see an OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER enter the bathroom
with a newspaper or magazine under their arm. Always
look around
the office for the OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER before
entering the
bathroom.
POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (PFN)
A group of coworkers who band together to ensure
emergency
pooping goes off without incident. This group can help
you to monitor
the whereabouts of OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPERS and
identify
SAFE HAVENS.
SAFE HAVEN
A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where
you can
least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly
of the opposite
sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex
entering the
bathroom.
TURD BURGLAR
A pooper who does not realize that you are in the stall
and tries to
force the door open. This is one of the most shocking
and vulnerable
moments that occur when taking a dump at work. If this
occurs,
remain in the stall until the TURD BURGLAR leaves. This
way you
will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.
UNCLE TED
A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever.
Could spend
extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or
sitting on the pot. An
UNCLE TED makes it difficult to relax while on the
crapper, as you
should always wait to drop your load when the bathroom
is empty.
This benefits you as well as the other bathroom
attendees.
WALK OF SHAME
Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after
you have just
stunk-up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable
moment if
someone walks in and busts you. As with all farts, it is
best to
pretend that the smell does not exist. Can be avoided
with the use of
a COURTESY FLUSH.
WATERMELON
A turd that creates a loud splash when hitting the
toilet water. This is
also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a WAERMELON
coming
on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH
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Joined: Oct 2000
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From: internet
i'm an out of the closet pooper, i don't really care. i have some digestive problems so i've just come to accept that i poop more than most people and i can't spend my life being embarassed about it!
Registered User
Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 1,072
Likes: 0
From: LA
Originally posted by realthing
there are some smart ones who say things like "phewy~~" after they hear me let go and I usually reply "what the heck do u expect in the toilet, freshly baked bread?"
there are some smart ones who say things like "phewy~~" after they hear me let go
and I usually reply "what the heck do u expect in the toilet, freshly baked bread?"
I'm a holder for the home but if i gotta go--me's going to drop the "kids at the pool!"
anyone eat corn or oreo cookies?
Registered User
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 1,478
Likes: 0
From: San Leandro,
....ok, speaking of all this poop. Today when I was at work, I went to take care of my business. So here I am, quietly sitting in the stall. When all of the sudden, the fire alarm goes off. We were suppose to have a fire drill today, but I didn't know exactly what time and I couldn't really sit around waiting for the drill to pass before making my deposit(s). What's worse was I'm a "floor monitor" for our floor (meaning, I have to put on this goofy vest and hardhat and make sure everyone in my section gets out safely). So here I am, "halfway" through with my business, fire alarm is blaring and I'm suppose to just get up from my throne and start fire duties?
When you gotta go, you gotta go!
When you gotta go, you gotta go!