Joke of the Day Part III Vintage Style
08-22-2016, 06:53 AM
#221
FiberFix! I love it. Gonna put my welding tanks into storage.
08-29-2016, 11:30 AM
#222
THE CYCLE of LIFE
Two guys grow up together but after college one moves to NY other to
California. Every ten years they agree to meet in Chicago and play golf.
They finish their round at age 30 and go to lunch. "Where you wanna go?"
"Hooters."
"Why?"
"Well, you know, they got the broads, with the big racks, and the tight
shorts. The legs..."
"OK."
Ten years later at 40 they play. "Where you wanna go?"
"Hooters."
"Why?"
"Well, you know, they got cold beer and the big screen TVs and everybody
has a little action on the games."
"OK."
Ten years later at 50. "Where you wanna go?"
"Hooters."
"Why?"
"The food is good and there is plenty of parking."
"OK."
At 60 - "Where you wanna go?"
"Hooters."
"Why?"
"Wings are half price."
"OK"
At 70 - "Where you wanna go?"
"Hooters."
"Why?"
"They have 6 handicapped spaces right by the door."
"OK."
At 80 -
"Where you wanna go?"
"Hooters."
"Why?"
"We've never been there before
Two guys grow up together but after college one moves to NY other to
California. Every ten years they agree to meet in Chicago and play golf.
They finish their round at age 30 and go to lunch. "Where you wanna go?"
"Hooters."
"Why?"
"Well, you know, they got the broads, with the big racks, and the tight
shorts. The legs..."
"OK."
Ten years later at 40 they play. "Where you wanna go?"
"Hooters."
"Why?"
"Well, you know, they got cold beer and the big screen TVs and everybody
has a little action on the games."
"OK."
Ten years later at 50. "Where you wanna go?"
"Hooters."
"Why?"
"The food is good and there is plenty of parking."
"OK."
At 60 - "Where you wanna go?"
"Hooters."
"Why?"
"Wings are half price."
"OK"
At 70 - "Where you wanna go?"
"Hooters."
"Why?"
"They have 6 handicapped spaces right by the door."
"OK."
At 80 -
"Where you wanna go?"
"Hooters."
"Why?"
"We've never been there before
09-04-2016, 06:46 PM
#224
09-09-2016, 07:09 AM
#225
Very good! Love magic.
09-12-2016, 01:01 PM
#226
09-28-2016, 02:30 PM
#228
Tom was a man of faith, and a man of the golf course. He played golf every Sunday religiously, but only after attending church services.
Tom was getting on in years, and one day after feeling ill, he said to his wife, “I sure hope there is golf in the afterlife. I feel terrible!”
His wife told him not to overreact with talk about the afterlife. “Go to church and say a little prayer,” she suggested, “and you’ll feel better.”
So Tom headed to church. As he kneeled at the pew, Tom whispered a prayer: “Oh Lord, thank you for everything – my health, my wife and my golf game. I hope that when I reach Heaven I can still play golf.”
As soon as he finished, a voice thundered: “Tom, this is the Lord. I hear you and will answer your question. Do you want the good news or the bad news first?”
Tom was startled. “Well, give me the good news,” he said.
The Lord replied, “The good news is that in Heaven, we have thousands of championship golf courses, play is never slow, it’s always free and you will never lose a golf ball.”
Tom was ecstatic, “That’s wonderful! You’ve answered my prayer! But what is the bad news?”
The Lord replied, “You tee off in ten minutes.”
Tom was getting on in years, and one day after feeling ill, he said to his wife, “I sure hope there is golf in the afterlife. I feel terrible!”
His wife told him not to overreact with talk about the afterlife. “Go to church and say a little prayer,” she suggested, “and you’ll feel better.”
So Tom headed to church. As he kneeled at the pew, Tom whispered a prayer: “Oh Lord, thank you for everything – my health, my wife and my golf game. I hope that when I reach Heaven I can still play golf.”
As soon as he finished, a voice thundered: “Tom, this is the Lord. I hear you and will answer your question. Do you want the good news or the bad news first?”
Tom was startled. “Well, give me the good news,” he said.
The Lord replied, “The good news is that in Heaven, we have thousands of championship golf courses, play is never slow, it’s always free and you will never lose a golf ball.”
Tom was ecstatic, “That’s wonderful! You’ve answered my prayer! But what is the bad news?”
The Lord replied, “You tee off in ten minutes.”
10-03-2016, 02:45 PM
#229
A father walked into a drug store with his 8-year-old son. They happened to pass the condom display. The boy asked: “What are these, Dad?”
The father replied: “Those are condoms, son. Men use them to have safe sex.”
“Oh, I see,” replied the boy. “Yes, I remember that from health class.”
He looked over the display and picked up a package of three. “Why are there three in this package?”
The dad replied,” Those are for high-school boys. One for Friday, one for Saturday, and one for Sunday.”
“Cool!” The boy noticed a pack of six and asked: “Then who uses these?”
“Those are for college men,” the dad answered. “Two for Friday, two for Saturday, and two for Sunday.”
“WOW!” exclaimed the boy. “Then who uses these?” he asked, picking up a pack of 12.
With a sigh, the dad replied, “Those are for married men, son. One for January, one for February, one for March...
The father replied: “Those are condoms, son. Men use them to have safe sex.”
“Oh, I see,” replied the boy. “Yes, I remember that from health class.”
He looked over the display and picked up a package of three. “Why are there three in this package?”
The dad replied,” Those are for high-school boys. One for Friday, one for Saturday, and one for Sunday.”
“Cool!” The boy noticed a pack of six and asked: “Then who uses these?”
“Those are for college men,” the dad answered. “Two for Friday, two for Saturday, and two for Sunday.”
“WOW!” exclaimed the boy. “Then who uses these?” he asked, picking up a pack of 12.
With a sigh, the dad replied, “Those are for married men, son. One for January, one for February, one for March...
10-03-2016, 08:13 PM
#230
A father walked into a drug store with his 8-year-old son. They happened to pass the condom display. The boy asked: “What are these, Dad?”
The father replied: “Those are condoms, son. Men use them to have safe sex.”
“Oh, I see,” replied the boy. “Yes, I remember that from health class.”
He looked over the display and picked up a package of three. “Why are there three in this package?”
The dad replied,” Those are for high-school boys. One for Friday, one for Saturday, and one for Sunday.”
“Cool!” The boy noticed a pack of six and asked: “Then who uses these?”
“Those are for college men,” the dad answered. “Two for Friday, two for Saturday, and two for Sunday.”
“WOW!” exclaimed the boy. “Then who uses these?” he asked, picking up a pack of 12.
With a sigh, the dad replied, “Those are for married men, son. One for January, one for February, one for March...
The father replied: “Those are condoms, son. Men use them to have safe sex.”
“Oh, I see,” replied the boy. “Yes, I remember that from health class.”
He looked over the display and picked up a package of three. “Why are there three in this package?”
The dad replied,” Those are for high-school boys. One for Friday, one for Saturday, and one for Sunday.”
“Cool!” The boy noticed a pack of six and asked: “Then who uses these?”
“Those are for college men,” the dad answered. “Two for Friday, two for Saturday, and two for Sunday.”
“WOW!” exclaimed the boy. “Then who uses these?” he asked, picking up a pack of 12.
With a sigh, the dad replied, “Those are for married men, son. One for January, one for February, one for March...