JOKE OF THE DAY
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 1,823
Likes: 1
Bob says, "You know, I bet he'll jump."
The blonde replied, "Well, I bet he won't."
Bob placed a $20 bill on the bar and said, "You're on!"
Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy on the ledge did a swan dive off the building, falling to his death.
The blonde was very upset, but willingly handed her $20 to Bob saying, "Fair's fair. Here's your money."
Bob replied, "I can't take your money, I saw this earlier on the 5 PM news and so I knew he would jump."
The blond replied, "I did too; but I didn't think he'd do it again."
Bob took the money......
The blonde replied, "Well, I bet he won't."
Bob placed a $20 bill on the bar and said, "You're on!"
Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy on the ledge did a swan dive off the building, falling to his death.
The blonde was very upset, but willingly handed her $20 to Bob saying, "Fair's fair. Here's your money."
Bob replied, "I can't take your money, I saw this earlier on the 5 PM news and so I knew he would jump."
The blond replied, "I did too; but I didn't think he'd do it again."
Bob took the money......
Registered User
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 181
Likes: 0
From: Miami Beach, FL
A man went to a dentist one day for a regular check up. The dentist decided that one tooth was in such bad condition that it should be extracted.
The dentist advised the man of the situation who agreed to the procedure.
When the dentist went to give the man an injection, the man said, "Don't worry, I don't need an injection".
The dentist went on to explain that the procedure could be very painful however the patient insisted that he would be OK without a needle.
The patient went on to explain that he had two experiences in recent times that had made him immune to pain, so the dentist went ahead and extracted the tooth.
To the dentist's amazement the guy didn't even wince.
The dentist, quite astonished remarked, "That was amazing, the two recent experiences you say you had that made you immune to pain must have been something special, would you care to tell me about them?".
The man said, "Shure, one day I was out hunting and suddenly had the overwhelming urge to evacuate my bowels. I ducked behind a bush and squatted down and my scrotum landed squarely on the trigger of a rabbit trap and CRUNCH!!!.
The dentist exclaimed, "Oh my God, that must have been excruciating, but what was the second experience?".
The man replied, "When I ran out of chain".
The dentist advised the man of the situation who agreed to the procedure.
When the dentist went to give the man an injection, the man said, "Don't worry, I don't need an injection".
The dentist went on to explain that the procedure could be very painful however the patient insisted that he would be OK without a needle.
The patient went on to explain that he had two experiences in recent times that had made him immune to pain, so the dentist went ahead and extracted the tooth.
To the dentist's amazement the guy didn't even wince.
The dentist, quite astonished remarked, "That was amazing, the two recent experiences you say you had that made you immune to pain must have been something special, would you care to tell me about them?".
The man said, "Shure, one day I was out hunting and suddenly had the overwhelming urge to evacuate my bowels. I ducked behind a bush and squatted down and my scrotum landed squarely on the trigger of a rabbit trap and CRUNCH!!!.
The dentist exclaimed, "Oh my God, that must have been excruciating, but what was the second experience?".
The man replied, "When I ran out of chain".
Registered User
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 181
Likes: 0
From: Miami Beach, FL
The UPS man
One Monday morning, the UPS man is driving the neighborhood on his usual route.
As he approaches one of the homes, he noticed both cars were still in the driveway.
His wonder was cut short by Bob, the homeowner, coming out with a load of empty beer and liquor bottles.
"Wow Bob, looks like you guys had one hell of a party last night", the UPS man said. Bob in obvious pain, replies, "Actually we had it Saturday night. This is the first I have felt like moving since 4:00 a.m. Sunday morning. We had about fifteen couples from around the neighborhood over for some weekend fun and it got a bit wild. Hell, we all got so drunk around midnight that we started playing "WHO AM I".
The UPS man thinks a moment and says, "How do you play WHO AM I?"
"Well, all the guys go in the bedroom and we come out one at a time with a sheet covering us, with only our privates showing through a hole in the sheet. Then the women try to guess who it is."
The UPS man laughs and says, "Damn, I'm sorry I missed that."
"Probably a good thing you did," Bob responded. "Your name came up seven times...."
One Monday morning, the UPS man is driving the neighborhood on his usual route.
As he approaches one of the homes, he noticed both cars were still in the driveway.
His wonder was cut short by Bob, the homeowner, coming out with a load of empty beer and liquor bottles.
"Wow Bob, looks like you guys had one hell of a party last night", the UPS man said. Bob in obvious pain, replies, "Actually we had it Saturday night. This is the first I have felt like moving since 4:00 a.m. Sunday morning. We had about fifteen couples from around the neighborhood over for some weekend fun and it got a bit wild. Hell, we all got so drunk around midnight that we started playing "WHO AM I".
The UPS man thinks a moment and says, "How do you play WHO AM I?"
"Well, all the guys go in the bedroom and we come out one at a time with a sheet covering us, with only our privates showing through a hole in the sheet. Then the women try to guess who it is."
The UPS man laughs and says, "Damn, I'm sorry I missed that."
"Probably a good thing you did," Bob responded. "Your name came up seven times...."
Registered User
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 3,193
Likes: 0
From: Miami/305
IF I ONLY HAD A BRAIN...
A mid-level executive was so frustrated at being passed over for promotion year after year, that, in frustration, he went to a brain-transplant center in the hope of raising his I.Q. 20 points.
After a battery of physical and psychological tests, the center's director told him that he was an acceptable candidate.
"That's great!" the executive said. "But I understand that this procedure can be really expensive."
"Yes, sir, it can," the director replied. "An ounce of accountant's brain for example, costs one thousand dollars; an ounce of an economist's brain costs two thousand; an ounce of a corporate president's is forty-five thousand. An ounce of a politician's brain is seventy-five thousand dollars."
"Seventy-five thousand dollars for an ounce of a politician's brain? Why on earth is that?"
"Do you have any idea," the director asked, "how many politicians we would have to kill?"
A mid-level executive was so frustrated at being passed over for promotion year after year, that, in frustration, he went to a brain-transplant center in the hope of raising his I.Q. 20 points.
After a battery of physical and psychological tests, the center's director told him that he was an acceptable candidate.
"That's great!" the executive said. "But I understand that this procedure can be really expensive."
"Yes, sir, it can," the director replied. "An ounce of accountant's brain for example, costs one thousand dollars; an ounce of an economist's brain costs two thousand; an ounce of a corporate president's is forty-five thousand. An ounce of a politician's brain is seventy-five thousand dollars."
"Seventy-five thousand dollars for an ounce of a politician's brain? Why on earth is that?"
"Do you have any idea," the director asked, "how many politicians we would have to kill?"
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 10,868
Likes: 1,058
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THANK YOU FOR YOUR RECENT ORDER FROM OUR SEX TOYS WEBSITE.
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PLEASE SELECT ANOTHER ITEM.
THAT'S OUR FIRE EXTINGUISHER.
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