Well why do you think he has his own gym machine now he told the makers if he dint get his own gym he would give them a roundhouse kick and collapse their bulding .

 

my spanish typing skills are off so bare with me .
un chiste un chiste.
esta pepito i va caminando para la escuela .
le aparece el diablo i le dise "pepito para donde vas"
i pepito le dise para la escuela
el diablo le dise eso no es una escuela es un carajo
el diablo le dise que llevas en la lonchera
pepito le dise mi comida
el diablo dise eso no es cominda es mierda
quien te la preparo le pregunta el diablo a pepito
i pepito le dise mi madre
el diablo le dise eso no es una madre es una puta i se desaparece el diablo.
al dia siguiente
pepito la dise a la mama
"puta preparame la mierda que me voy pal carajo."
bwababaahahahahahahaa

 

According to the Encyclopedia Brittanica, the Native American "Trail of Tears" has been redefined as anywhere that Chuck Norris walks.

Chuck Norris does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them.

Pluto is actually an orbiting group of British soldiers from the American Revolution who entered space after the Chuck gave them a roundhouse kick to the face.

When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.

There are no steroids in baseball. Just players Chuck Norris has breathed on.

Chuck Norris once challenged Lance Armstrong in a "Who has more testicles?" contest. Chuck Norris won by 5.

Chuck Norris was the fourth wise man, who gave baby Jesus the gift of beard, which he carried with him until he died. The other three wise men were enraged by the preference that Jesus showed to Chuck's gift, and arranged to have him written out of the bible. All three died soon after of mysterious roundhouse-kick related injuries.

Chuck Norris sheds his skin twice a year.

 

lmao hahaha im sorry but this is some funny sh!t lol.

 

When four of Santa's elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones, Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule.

Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her Mom was coming to visit. This stressed Santa even more.

When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out, heaven knows where.

More stress.

Then when he began to load the sleigh one of the boards cracked, and the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys.

So, frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered that the elves had hidden the liquor, and there was nothing to drink.

In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider pot, and it broke into hundreds of little pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found that mice had eaten the straw end of the broom.

Just then the doorbell rang, and irritable Santa trudged to the door. He opened the door, and there was a little angel with a great big Christmas tree. The angel said, very cheerfully, "Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't it a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?"

And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.

Little HO HO HO there

 

SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS

HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
10 MILES


The man driving alone in his car
Thinks this is a figment of his imagination and
Drives on without second thought.
Soon he sees another sign which reads:


SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION

5 MILES

Suddenly he begins to realize that
these signs are for real

And drives past a third sign saying:

SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION

NEXT RIGHT


His curiosity gets The best of him and he pulls into
the driveway. On the far side of the parking lot is a

Stone building with a small sign next to the door.
It reads:

SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS


He climbs the steps and rings the bell.
The door is answered by a nun in a long black habit who asks,
"What may we do for you my son?"

He answers, "I saw your signs along the highway and
Was interested in possibly doing business...."

"Very well my son. Please follow me."
He is led through many winding passages and is soon quite
disoriented. The nun stops at a closed door and says the man,
"Please knock on this door."


He does so and another nun in a long habit, holding a tin cup answers the door...
This nun instructs,

"Please place $100 in the cup
then go through the large wooden door at the end of the hallway."

He places $100 in the cup, eagerly trots down the hall,
and slips through the door pulling it shut behind him.

The door locks, and he finds himself back in the
Parking lot facing another sign:

GO IN PEACE.
YOU HAVE JUST BEEN SCREWED BY
THE SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS.

 

Many times when I am troubled or confused, I find comfort in sitting in my back yard and having a vodka and cranberry along with a quiet conversation with Jesus.
This happened to me again after a particularly difficult day. I said "Jesus, why do I work so hard?"
And I heard the reply: "Men find many ways to demonstrate the love they have for their family.
You work hard to have a peaceful, beautiful place for your friends and family to gather."
I said: "I thought that money was the root of all evil."
And the reply was: "No, the LOVE of money is the root of all evil. Money is a tool; it can be used for good or bad".
I was starting to feel better, but I still had that one burning question, so I asked it.? "Jesus," I said, "what is the meaning of life? Why am I here?"
He replied: "That is a question many men ask. The answer is in your heart and is different for everyone.
I would love to chat with you some more, Senor, but for now, I have to finish your lawn."

 

Q.Why are married women heavier than single women?
A.Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.

 

^^^ Hee hee.....that's cute.

 

Ponderings

When you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?

Does fuzzy logic tickle?

Do blind eskimoes heave seeing-eye sled dogs?

Do they have reserved parking for non-handicap people at the Special Olympics?

Why do they call it a TV set when you only get one?

How come wrong numbers are never busy?

Do radioactve cats have 18 half-lives?

If you shoot a mime, should you use a silencer?

Why call it "take" a dump, when you leave something behind?

What was the best thing before sliced bread?