So there's this catholic woman, very holy, very church going. and she decides she wants some pets. she ends up getting two female parotts. she soon finds out that her parotts do nothing but speak of prostitution.

she decides to speak to her priest about the situation and he says, dont you worry, i have two male parrots and they read the bible daily and pray before their meals and bed time. they will teach her parotts the way. she was delighted to hear this.

so the next day she takes her parotts over to the priests house and intruduces them into the same cage. they proceed talking dirty to the male parotta and left the priest and the woman in shock.. but the priest stayed confident in his parotts.. .. .when one male parrot says to the other..

put you bible down phillip, our prayers have been answered.

 

I got home from work one day and I noticed that every object in the house had been stolen and replaced by an exact copy so I called my wife over and said to her honey take a look at this every item in the house has been stolen and replaced with an exact copy and then she turned to me and said

 

A fireman came home from work one day and told his wife, "You know, we have a wonderful system at the fire station: BELL 1 rings and we all put on our jackets, BELL 2 rings and we all slide down the pole, BELL 3 rings and we're on the fire truck ready to go.

"From now on when I say BELL 1, I want you to strip naked. When say BELL 2, I want you to jump in bed. And when I say BELL 3, we are going to make love all night."

The next night he came home from work and yelled, "BELL 1!" The wife promptly took all her clothes off.When he yelled "BELL 2!", the wife jumped into bed. When he yelled "BELL 3!", they began making love.

After a few minutes the wife yelled "BELL 4!" "What the hell is BELL 4?" asked the husband?

"ROLL OUT MORE HOSE," she replied, "YOU'RE NOWHERE NEAR THE FIRE!"

 

A Puerto Rican decides to go to the movies one night, so he hops into his car and drives off

he gets to the movie theater buys his ticket walks in hands it to the man at the door

shortly after he walks out again and buys another ticket goes back in and hands the ticket to the man at the door again

shortly after he goes outside and buys another ticket once again, so he does the same routine for about 10 times until the box office lady ask's him

Sir why do you keep going in and out buying tickets?....and the Puerto Rican replies.....
















Because theres a son of a bitch inside who keeps ripping my ticket.....

 

TOP 10 REASONS HURRICANE SEASON IS LIKE CHRISTMAS


10. Decorating the house (boarding up windows)

9. Dragging out boxes that haven

 

what did a mother say to micheal Jackson at the beach











Please move your in my son

 

why does Michael Jackson like Twenty Eight year old boys
















Because there is twenty of them

 

1986, Mkele Mbembe was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from
college. On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull
elephant standing with one leg raised in the air.

The elephant seemed distressed so Mbembe approached it very
carefully.

He got down on one knee and inspected the elephant's foot, and
found a large thorn deeply embedded in it.

As carefully and as gently as he could, Mbembe worked the thorn
out with his hunting knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down
its foot.


The elephant turned to face the man and with a rather stern look
on its face, stared at him. For several tense moments Mbembe stood
frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the
elephant trumpeted loudly, turned and walked away.

Mbembe never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.
Twenty years later he was walking through a zoo with his teenaged son.
As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned
and walked over to near where Mbembe and his son Tapu were standing.


The large bull elephant stared at Mbembe and lifted its front foot
off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times
then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.

Remembering the encounter in 1986, Mbembe couldn't help
wondering if this was the same elephant. Mbembe summoned up his courage,
climbed over the railing and made his way into the enclosure. He walked
right
up to the elephant and stared back in wonder.

Suddenly the elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of the
man's legs and swung
him wildly back and forth along the railing, killing him. Probably wasn't
the same elephant.