JOKE OF THE DAY
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Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 181
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From: Miami Beach, FL
That little bastard Johnny was passing his parents bedroom in the middle of the night in search of a glass of water. Hearing a lot of moaning and thumping, he peeks in and catches his parents in the act.
Before his dad can even react, little Johnny exclaims, "Oh boy! Horsey ride. Daddy can I ride on your back?"
Daddy, relieved that Johnny was not asking any more uncomfortable questions and seeing the opportunity not to break his stride, agrees.
Johnny hops on and daddy starts going to town. Pretty soon his mummy starts moaning and gasping and Johnny cries out, "Hang on tight, Daddy. This is the part where me and the milkman usually get bucked off!"
Before his dad can even react, little Johnny exclaims, "Oh boy! Horsey ride. Daddy can I ride on your back?"
Daddy, relieved that Johnny was not asking any more uncomfortable questions and seeing the opportunity not to break his stride, agrees.
Johnny hops on and daddy starts going to town. Pretty soon his mummy starts moaning and gasping and Johnny cries out, "Hang on tight, Daddy. This is the part where me and the milkman usually get bucked off!"
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Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 3,193
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From: Miami/305
THE WORLD UNLOCKED
1. Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
2. A day without sunshine is like... night.
3. On the other hand, you have different fingers.
4. 42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
5. 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
6. Remember, half the people you know are below average.
7. He who laughs last thinks slowest.
8. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
9. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.
10. Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.
11. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
12. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
13. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
1. Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
2. A day without sunshine is like... night.
3. On the other hand, you have different fingers.
4. 42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
5. 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
6. Remember, half the people you know are below average.
7. He who laughs last thinks slowest.
8. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
9. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.
10. Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.
11. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
12. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
13. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
Registered User
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 181
Likes: 0
From: Miami Beach, FL
A farmer ordered a high tech milking machine. Since the equipment arrived when his wife was out of town, he decided to test it on himself first.
So, he inserted his "manhood" into the equipment, turned on the switch and everything else was automatic.
Soon, he realized that the equipment provided him with much more pleasure than his wife did. When the fun was over, though, he quickly realized that he couldn't remove the instrument from his "member".
He read the manual but didn't find any useful information on how to disengage himself. He tried every button on the instrument, but still without success.
Finally, he decided to call the supplier's Customer Service Hot Line with his cell phone (Thank god for cell phones!).
"Hello, I just bought a milking machine from your company. It works fantastic, but how do I remove it from the cow's udder?"
"Don't worry," replied the customer service rep, "the machine will release automatically once it's collected two gallons."
So, he inserted his "manhood" into the equipment, turned on the switch and everything else was automatic.
Soon, he realized that the equipment provided him with much more pleasure than his wife did. When the fun was over, though, he quickly realized that he couldn't remove the instrument from his "member".
He read the manual but didn't find any useful information on how to disengage himself. He tried every button on the instrument, but still without success.
Finally, he decided to call the supplier's Customer Service Hot Line with his cell phone (Thank god for cell phones!).
"Hello, I just bought a milking machine from your company. It works fantastic, but how do I remove it from the cow's udder?"
"Don't worry," replied the customer service rep, "the machine will release automatically once it's collected two gallons."
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Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 3,193
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From: Miami/305
After church, Johnny tells his parents he has to go and talk to the minister right away. They agree and the pastor greets the family.
"Pastor," Johnny says, "I heard you say today that our bodies came from the dust."
"That's right, Johnny, I did."
"And I heard you say that when we die, our bodies go back to dust."
"Yes, I'm glad you were listening. Why do you ask?"
"Well you better come over to our house right away and look under my bed 'cause there's someone either comin' or goin'!"
"Pastor," Johnny says, "I heard you say today that our bodies came from the dust."
"That's right, Johnny, I did."
"And I heard you say that when we die, our bodies go back to dust."
"Yes, I'm glad you were listening. Why do you ask?"
"Well you better come over to our house right away and look under my bed 'cause there's someone either comin' or goin'!"
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Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 487
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From: Miami
The Jamacian Guy
A construction worker on the 3rd floor of a building needs a handsaw and
spots a jamaican man on the 1st floor.
He yells down to him, but the noise makes it impossible to hear anything,
so he tries sign language.
He points at his eye meaning "I", points at his knee meaning "need", and
moves his hand back and forth in a handsaw motion.
The jamaican man on the 1st floor nods his head, pulls down his pants and
starts masterbating.
The man on the 3rd floor gets so angry he runs down to the 1st floor and
shouts, "What the hell is wrong with you, idiot? I said I needed a handsaw!"
The jamaican guy says, "I knew that, I was just trying to tell you I'm
coming."
A construction worker on the 3rd floor of a building needs a handsaw and
spots a jamaican man on the 1st floor.
He yells down to him, but the noise makes it impossible to hear anything,
so he tries sign language.
He points at his eye meaning "I", points at his knee meaning "need", and
moves his hand back and forth in a handsaw motion.
The jamaican man on the 1st floor nods his head, pulls down his pants and
starts masterbating.
The man on the 3rd floor gets so angry he runs down to the 1st floor and
shouts, "What the hell is wrong with you, idiot? I said I needed a handsaw!"
The jamaican guy says, "I knew that, I was just trying to tell you I'm
coming."
Registered User
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 181
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From: Miami Beach, FL
A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is leaning against the headboard smoking a cigarette, with a satisfied smile on its face. The egg, looking a bit pissed off, grabs the sheet, rolls over, and says, "Well, I guess we finally answered THAT question!"
Registered User
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 3,193
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From: Miami/305
ON A FIDEL NOTE
The elder George Bush, and Fidel are flying in a jet, arguing about whether to lift the embargo or not.
After a long discussion, Fidel throws $100 Cuban pesos out the window and says: "Today, I made a man happy!"
Bush throws out 2 one Dollar bills and tells him: "Well, I made two people happy today!"
Hearing this, the two pilots start chatting with each other: "Shouldn't we throw them both out and make the whole World happier?"
The elder George Bush, and Fidel are flying in a jet, arguing about whether to lift the embargo or not.
After a long discussion, Fidel throws $100 Cuban pesos out the window and says: "Today, I made a man happy!"
Bush throws out 2 one Dollar bills and tells him: "Well, I made two people happy today!"
Hearing this, the two pilots start chatting with each other: "Shouldn't we throw them both out and make the whole World happier?"