JOKE OF THE DAY
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From: Im big in Japan...
A Greek and an Irishman were sitting in a Starbuck's cafe one day discussing who had the superior culture.
Over triple lattes the Greek guy says, 'Well, we Greeks built the Parthenon,' arching his eyebrows.
The Irishman then replies, 'Well... it was the Irish that discovered the Summer and Winter Solstices.'
The Greek retorts, 'We Greeks gave birth to advanced mathematics.'
The Irishman, nodding in agreement, says, 'Irish were the ones who built the first timepieces and calendars.'
And so on until the Greek comes up with what he thinks will end the discussion. With a flourish of finality he says, 'The Greeks were the ones who invented sex!'
The Irishman replies, 'Indeed, that is true, but it was we Irish who introduced it to women.'
Over triple lattes the Greek guy says, 'Well, we Greeks built the Parthenon,' arching his eyebrows.
The Irishman then replies, 'Well... it was the Irish that discovered the Summer and Winter Solstices.'
The Greek retorts, 'We Greeks gave birth to advanced mathematics.'
The Irishman, nodding in agreement, says, 'Irish were the ones who built the first timepieces and calendars.'
And so on until the Greek comes up with what he thinks will end the discussion. With a flourish of finality he says, 'The Greeks were the ones who invented sex!'
The Irishman replies, 'Indeed, that is true, but it was we Irish who introduced it to women.'
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From: Miami
Originally Posted by wuchan01,Nov 13 2008, 11:48 AM
A Greek and an Irishman were sitting in a Starbuck's cafe one day discussing who had the superior culture.
Over triple lattes the Greek guy says, 'Well, we Greeks built the Parthenon,' arching his eyebrows.
The Irishman then replies, 'Well... it was the Irish that discovered the Summer and Winter Solstices.'
The Greek retorts, 'We Greeks gave birth to advanced mathematics.'
The Irishman, nodding in agreement, says, 'Irish were the ones who built the first timepieces and calendars.'
And so on until the Greek comes up with what he thinks will end the discussion. With a flourish of finality he says, 'The Greeks were the ones who invented sex!'
The Irishman replies, 'Indeed, that is true, but it was we Irish who introduced it to women.'
Over triple lattes the Greek guy says, 'Well, we Greeks built the Parthenon,' arching his eyebrows.
The Irishman then replies, 'Well... it was the Irish that discovered the Summer and Winter Solstices.'
The Greek retorts, 'We Greeks gave birth to advanced mathematics.'
The Irishman, nodding in agreement, says, 'Irish were the ones who built the first timepieces and calendars.'
And so on until the Greek comes up with what he thinks will end the discussion. With a flourish of finality he says, 'The Greeks were the ones who invented sex!'
The Irishman replies, 'Indeed, that is true, but it was we Irish who introduced it to women.'
I'm fairly certain it was the chinese who invented sex.. made it an art form.. and introduced it to women...
And if i am mistaken in this summation.. the chinese have most certainly perfected it..
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From: Watching You, Fl
Originally Posted by RENDERMAN,Aug 11 2008, 07:46 PM
A drunken man gets on the bus late one night, staggers up the aisle, and sits next to an elderly woman.
She looks the man up and down and says, "I've got news for you. You're going straight to hell!"
The man jumps up out of his seat and shouts, "Man, I'm on the wrong bus!"
She looks the man up and down and says, "I've got news for you. You're going straight to hell!"
The man jumps up out of his seat and shouts, "Man, I'm on the wrong bus!"
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From: Miami/305
Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly
gates.
"In honor of this holy season" Saint Peter said, "You must each possess
something that symbolizes
Christmas to get into heaven."
The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He
flicked it on.
"It represents a candle", he said.
"You may pass through the pearly gates" Saint Peter said.
The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He
shook them and said,
"They're bells."
Saint Peter said "You may pass through th e pearly gates".
The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and
finally pulled out a pair of
women's panties.
St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, "And just
what do those symbolize?"
The man replied, "These are Carols."
And So The Christmas Season Begins......
gates.
"In honor of this holy season" Saint Peter said, "You must each possess
something that symbolizes
Christmas to get into heaven."
The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He
flicked it on.
"It represents a candle", he said.
"You may pass through the pearly gates" Saint Peter said.
The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He
shook them and said,
"They're bells."
Saint Peter said "You may pass through th e pearly gates".
The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and
finally pulled out a pair of
women's panties.
St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, "And just
what do those symbolize?"
The man replied, "These are Carols."
And So The Christmas Season Begins......
Thread Starter
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Posts: 3,193
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From: Miami/305
Picture on the Nightstand
After a long night of making love, He notices a photo of another man on her night stand by the bed.
He begins to worry.
"Is this your husband?" he nervously asks.
"No, silly," she replies, snuggling up to him.
"Your boyfriend, then?" he continues.
"No, not at all," she says, nibbling away at his ear.
"Is it your dad or your brother?" he inquires, hoping to be reassured.
"No, no, no!!!" she answers.
"Well, who in the hell is he, then?" he demands.
"That's me before the surgery."
-nomoreracing
After a long night of making love, He notices a photo of another man on her night stand by the bed.
He begins to worry.
"Is this your husband?" he nervously asks.
"No, silly," she replies, snuggling up to him.
"Your boyfriend, then?" he continues.
"No, not at all," she says, nibbling away at his ear.
"Is it your dad or your brother?" he inquires, hoping to be reassured.
"No, no, no!!!" she answers.
"Well, who in the hell is he, then?" he demands.
"That's me before the surgery."
-nomoreracing
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Posts: 7,084
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From: Naples, FL
Why Did the Chicken Cross The Road?
SARAH PALIN: Before it got to the other side, I shot the chicken,
cleaned and dressed it, and had chicken burgers for lunch.
BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a
change! The chicken wanted change!
JOHN MC CAIN: My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he
recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the
chickens on the other side of the road.
HILLARY CLINTON: When I was First Lady, I personally helped that
little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified
to ensure right from Day One! that every chicken in this country gets the
chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me.
GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road.
We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not.
The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.
DICK CHENEY: Where's my gun?
COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the
satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.
BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken. What is your
definition of chicken?
AL GORE: I invented the chicken.
JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am
now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the
chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.
AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.
DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize
that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before it
goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need to
do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his
current problems before adding new problems.
OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which
is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the
chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm
going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road
and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.
ANDERSON COOPER, CNN: We have reason to believe there is a chicken,
but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.
NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he's guilty! You
can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.
PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.
MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was
going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs
when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any
insider information.
DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.
ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain, alone.
GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road.
Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.
BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be
listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming
story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to
accomplish its lifelong dream of crossing the road.
ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.
BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken 2008, which will not only
cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance
your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken 2008.
This new platform is much more stable and will never crash or need to be rebooted.
ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the
road move beneath the chicken?
COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?
SARAH PALIN: Before it got to the other side, I shot the chicken,
cleaned and dressed it, and had chicken burgers for lunch.
BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a
change! The chicken wanted change!
JOHN MC CAIN: My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he
recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the
chickens on the other side of the road.
HILLARY CLINTON: When I was First Lady, I personally helped that
little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified
to ensure right from Day One! that every chicken in this country gets the
chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me.
GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road.
We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not.
The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.
DICK CHENEY: Where's my gun?
COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the
satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.
BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken. What is your
definition of chicken?
AL GORE: I invented the chicken.
JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am
now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the
chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.
AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.
DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize
that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before it
goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need to
do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his
current problems before adding new problems.
OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which
is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the
chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm
going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road
and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.
ANDERSON COOPER, CNN: We have reason to believe there is a chicken,
but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.
NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he's guilty! You
can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.
PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.
MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was
going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs
when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any
insider information.
DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.
ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain, alone.
GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road.
Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.
BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be
listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming
story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to
accomplish its lifelong dream of crossing the road.
ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.
BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken 2008, which will not only
cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance
your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken 2008.
This new platform is much more stable and will never crash or need to be rebooted.
ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the
road move beneath the chicken?
COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 2,363
Likes: 7
From: Orlando, FL
One day Jane met Tarzan in the jungle. She was very attracted to him and, during her questions about his life, she asked him how he managed for sex. "What's that?" he asked. She explained to him what sex was, and he said, "Oh,Tarzan use hole in trunk of tree."
Horrified, she said, "Tarzan you have that all wrong! I will show you how to do it properly." She took off her clothes, lay down on the ground, and spread her legs wide. "Here," she said, pointing, "You must put it in here."
Tarzan removed his loincloth, stepped closer and then gave her an almighty kick in the crotch. Jane rolled around in agony. Eventually she managed to gasp, "Why the hell did you do that?"
"Tarzan check for bees!
Horrified, she said, "Tarzan you have that all wrong! I will show you how to do it properly." She took off her clothes, lay down on the ground, and spread her legs wide. "Here," she said, pointing, "You must put it in here."
Tarzan removed his loincloth, stepped closer and then gave her an almighty kick in the crotch. Jane rolled around in agony. Eventually she managed to gasp, "Why the hell did you do that?"
"Tarzan check for bees!
