Granted, you have turned into Skee-lo and your career fades into oblivion and you end up in rehab.

I wish my phone at work didn't ring all day.

 

Granted, the people giving away 10000000 dollars are not able to reach you and your worst enemy wins the money.

I wish I could sleep instead of going to work today.

 

Granted, you're fired.

I wish I had some chili.

 

Granted, but it's Chief Wiggum's chilli with the quesosakatenango chili peppers from Guatamala and you start hallucinating and end up roaming the desert for days. (Simpsons fans will get it. )

I wish I had my bechelor's degree in Electrical Engineering already.

 

Granted, but no one hires you because you put "bechelor's degree" on your resume.

 

I wish I had the 3 minutes of my life back from watching that stupid redneck video posted in off-topic.

 

Granted 3 minutes are tached onto the end of your life so instead of peacefully dying in your sleep you are woken up by a molitov cocktail and you burn to death.

I wish I ruled the world.

 

Granted:
You are given a standard 12" ruler, and told to "rule" the world. Sucks to be you... start walking.

I wish my Green Tea would cool down enough for me to drink it.

 

I couldn't resist

 

Granted, oops, you waited too long and now it tastes like cool urine.

I wish my car had Super Pursuit Mode.