Granted:
While trying to find a reefer in the dictionary, while looking up refer, you come across the 'uberness', thus learning what it means. Unfortunately before you can revel in your new word for the day, someone shoots you (with a gun)

I wish I could lose a few pounds and get in shape, just by pooping more.

 

Granted, you crap your entire intestinal system out and live the rest of your days at a feathery 89 pounds, plus 4 pounds for your full colostomy bag.

I wish VoIPA had infinite knowledge of all things uber and founded the Uber-s2k club.

 

Granted, VoIPA's knowledge of all things uber is unsurpassed by anyone. After reaching this hightend state of enlightenment, he starts the Uber-s2k club. Although the founder (and incredible knowledge) he lacks the skills to remain part of the club. He goes into a deep depression from being kicked from his own club and spends the rest of his life drowning himself with beer - negating any knowledge of uberness he once possessed. It is Saki GT's job to watch after VoIPA and make sure his glass stays full.

I wish I would toss 2 'hole in one' shots in disc golf today.

(edited my wish, I think the otherone was done before )

 

Cool! My own personal bartender!

Wish granted, but you lose the rest of your disks in the water hazzard on the seventh.

I wish I had a bowl of Captain Crunch right now.

 

Granted, But once your done eating them the roof of your mouth hurts like hell.

I wish all my meals where prepaired for me, fresh, to my exact wants Monday-Friday, forever.

 

Granted:
Unfortunately, all of your meals are prepared with heavy laxitives, and you proceed to poop fiercly until you are 88 pounds.

I wish I had a Genie so I could make 3 wishes at a time instead of one lousy one.

 

Granted. You make three wishes and they are all turned around by clever s2ki'ers and you are more unhappy than when you started.



I wish the dream I had last night would come true.

 

Ok, Ok, granted, Tom Cruise swallows just for you.

I wish my salmon would smoke faster, because I'm hungry now and it has another hour to go.

 

Granted: it ready but it tastes like cigarettes, and you're forced to eat bologna.

I wish all the foods that were good and nutritious tasted like cheese pizza.

 

Granted: but you're now allergic to and can't eat anything that tastes like cheese pizza.

I wish for world peace.