Granted. But Tom Cruise doesn't swallow.

I wish my system at work was better behaved this morning.

 

granted, but it's so well behaved the higher ups decide they don't need you and fire you.

i wish i only needed 2 hours of sleep a night and not be tired and be 100% fully functional.

 

Granted, now with all that extra time on your hands you stay up watching infomercials and buying stuff and your house gets filled with crap and one day it falls over on you and you are trapped under it. You use your automatic dog waterer to keep water and eat space ice cream you ordered to keep you alive, but no help arrives and you finally die slowly after the water and ice cream run out. It is extra torture because for 22 hours of the days you are wide awake and 100 percent alert of what's going on.


I wish I owned a vegas casino.

 

Granted, They blow it up the next day to make romm to Steve Wynn's next one.

I wish work wasn't so stressful.

 

Granted, you now own the sh*tiest run down casino in vegas. You are miles from the strip, and get hardly any business. You get caught for operating without a gambling license, and are sentenced to a federal "pound me in the ass" Penitentiary to spend 20 years with a guy named Buba, also know around the cell block as "The booty bandit"


I wish we had an autobahn here in the states.

 

Granted, your fired! now you have more stress


Where's my damn autobahn

 

Granted, but Americans don't know how to drive and everybody dies who tries to drive on it.

I wish I could drink an entire liter bottle of whiskey (right now, in fact) with no ill effects to my health.

 

Granted:
You are now Canadian. Welcome to the wonderful world of Rye Whiskey

I wish the Canucks would win the Stanley Cup this year

 

granted, but an illegal gambling / money laundering scandal is later discovered involving the team, and the canucks are forced to relinquish the cup and are banned forever from the NHL.

i wish the gummi bear fairy would leave me a few gummi bears under my pillow every night.

 

Hey, that's not necessarily a bad twist. I like Canadian Whiskey. Can I keep my gun?