100!!

What do you call a one legged balerina??

 

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happen if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

-Steven Wright

 

http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseacti...eoID=1368644366

 

 

Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.

STEVEN WRIGHT

 

The receptionist

This is too funny!

They always ask at the doctor's office why you are there, and you have
to answer in front of others what's wrong and sometimes it is very
embarrassing. There's nothing worse than a Doctor's Receptionist who
insists you tell her what is wrong with you in a room full of other
patients. I know most of us have experienced this, and I love the way
this old guy handled it.

An 86 year old man walked into a crowded waiting room and approached
the desk.... The Receptionist said, "Yes sir, what are you seeing the
Doctor for today??"

"There's something wrong with my dick", he replied.
The Receptionist became irritated and said, "You shouldn't come into a
crowded waiting room and say things like that."

Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you," he said.

The Receptionist replied; "Now you've caused some embarrassment in this
room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with
your ear or something and discussed the problem further with the Doctor
in private."

The man replied, "You shouldn't ask people questions in a room full
strangers, if the answer could embarrass anyone."

The man walked out, waited several minutes and then re-entered.

The Receptionist smiled smugly and asked, "Yes??"

There's something wrong with my ear," he stated.

The Receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken
her advice. "And what is wrong with your ear, Sir??"

I can't piss out of it," he replied.

The waiting room erupted in laughter. Mess with seniors and you're
gonna lose!

 

I would like to have a second opinion

A patient has a sore throat and goes to a doctor to get treatment for it.

Doctor: Your tonsils gotta come out.

Patient: I wanna second opinion.

Doctor: Okay, you're ugly, too.

 

A man's translations
These translations are for all of you wonderful women out there, so that you will know what we really mean when we say...

"WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?"

Translated:* "What did you catch me at?"

"I'M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE."

Translated:* "No one will ever see us alive again."

"WE SHARE THE HOUSEWORK."

Translated:* "I make the messes; she cleans them up."

 

did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?

They said the food is great but there's no atmosphere...

 

Old man:
God works miracles for me, when ever i go to the bathroom at night, he turns on the light for me. And when i'm done he turns the light off for me.

Wife:
Harry, you're pissing in the fridge again!!