Subject: Advise about the Flu


Eat right!

Make sure you get your daily dose

of fruits and veggies.


Take your vitamins
and bump up your vitamin C.

Get plenty of exercise

because exercise helps build your

immune system.

Walk for at least an hour a day,

go for a swim,

take the stairs instead of the elevator, etc.

Wash your hands often.
If you can't wash them,
keep a bottle of antibacterial stuff around.


Get lots of fresh air.
Open doors & windows whenever possible.


Try to eliminate as much stress
from your life as you can.

Get plenty of rest.

OR

Take the doctor's approach.
Think about it...
When you go for a shot,
what do they do first?
They Clean your arm

with alcohol...
Why?
Because Alcohol

KILLS GERMS.
So.......

I walk to the liquor store. (exercise)
I put lime in my Corona...(fruit)
Celery in my Bloody Mary (veggies)
Drink outdoors on the bar patio..(fresh air)
Tell jokes, laugh....(eliminate stress)
Then pass out. (rest)
The way I see it...

If you keep your

alcohol levels up,
flu germs

can't get you!

My grandmother always said,
"A shot in the glass
is better than one in the ass!"

Live Well

Laugh Often

Love Much

 

Subect: RYE BREAD

Two old guys, one 80 and one 87, were sitting on their usual park bench one morning.




The 87 year old had just finished his morning jog and wasn't even short of breath.


The 80 year old was amazed at his friend's stamina and asked him what he did to have so much energy


The 87 year old said "Well, I eat rye bread every day. It keeps your energy level high and you'll have great stamina with the ladies."


So, on the way home, the 80 year old stops at the bakery. As he was looking around, the lady asked if he needed any help. He said, "Do you have any rye bread?"


She said, "Yes, there's a whole shelf of it. Would you like s ome?"


He said, "I want 5 loaves.


She said, "My goodness, 5 loaves...by the time you get to the 5th loaf, it'll be hard"


He replied, "I can't believe it, everybody in the world k nows about this shit but me."

 

Juggler, driving to his next performance, was stopped by the police. "What are those knives doing in your car?" asked the officer.

"I juggle them in my act."

"Oh yeah?" says the cop. "Let's see you do it." So the juggler starts tossing and juggling the knives.

A guy driving by sees this and says, "Wow, am I glad I quit drinking. Look at the test they're making you do now!"

 

I wrote a song, but I can't read music so I don't know what it is. Every once in a while I'll be listening to the radio and I say, "I think I might have written that."
-- Steven Wright

 

One Smart Montana Cowboy

A Montana cowboy was over seeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him.
The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the cowboy, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?" The cowboy looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure, Why not?" The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite navigation system to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo. The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany. Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses a MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response. Finally, he prints out a full-color, 3-page report on his miniaturized HP LaserJet printer and finally turns to the cowboy and says, "You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves." "That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says the cowboy. He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on amused as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car. Then the cowboy says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?" The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?" You're a Congressman for the U.S. Government," says the cowboy. "Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?" "No guessing required." answered the cowboy. "You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You tried to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don't know a thing about cows...this is a herd of sheep. Now give me back my dog.

-Morris

 

Little Georgie returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.

"Why?" asks the father?

"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3,'" I said "6", replies Georgie.

"But that's right!" says his dad.

"Yeah, but then she asked me "How much is 3x2?'"

"What's the f...... difference?" asks the father.

"That's what I said!"

 

La profesora pregunta :

 

 

run nigga run,
white boy got a gun.
white boy pull the trigga,
no moe nigga.