Granted. At the meeting they fire your ass the tell you to GTFO.


I wish it were May 2009 already.

 

Granted. You died on April 30, 2009.


I wish it wasn't May 2009 already.

 

Granted. It's April 30, 2009 and Raj ass-rapes you right before jumping off a cliff.

I wish I didn't I would stop getting Obamaspam.

 

Granted. You get McCain spam which contains nekkid pictures of the Senator.



I wish I knew actually what Peter had meant to type above.

 

Granted. You completely understand everything that Peter does, and you fall hopelessly in love with him. When he rejects you advances for the 50th time you end it all.



I wish there was a qualification test to be able to run for President of the United States.

 

Granted. Now it is like the citizenship test, and immigrants are more qualified then citizens to run the country.

I wish I had an R/C P-38 Lightning.

 

Granted. You spend your entire life savings on it, crash it the first day and kill yourself in a fit of rage.


I wish I had more free time to work out more than I already do.

 

Granted. You spend 23 hours a day working out and end up getting healthy and having one sexy body. Then you get hit by a bus.


I wish some peolpe would just get a fuckin clue.

 

Granted. They watch the stupid movie.


I wish I could travel back in time and prove that all religions are false.

 

Granted, but then in a fit of greed and drunken lust you decide you are the messiah and are crucified.


I wish my contact lenses weren't blurry.